My Heart

Wow!

2010-01-27T18:25:00.000-08:00

Hi guys!
I just wanted to tell you all that this story, my first ever Joshayley that is by no means perfect or polished in any way, has been here for over a year! Seeing how many people have enjoyed this and looking at all the comments/tweets/notes you guys drop about it--it blows my mind. No way did I think so many people would enjoy such a simple fanfiction. You all have shown the greatest support, and for that I am VERY thankful. So thanks for reading this and supporting it! If you just found this fanfic...I hope you enjoy. Scroll down below to start browsing through the chapters! Find chapter one by looking in the archive on the left.

A few trends in fanfics/the internet that I've noticed since the publication of this blog:

Lots of people have been using the colors orange and black like I did in this story in their own fanfics. Whenever they write a passage in Hayley's POV or Josh's POV, they use the colors orange and black.
Many people began pursuing fanfiction and joining Buzznet to publish their work, like I did. There was a sudden surge of Paramore fans that joined Buzznet in 2009, and lots of you are telling me that this story was the reason for your membership. That's really amazing.
Stories of Josh and Hayley as high school teens have surfaced all over recently; I know that I'm not the first one to do this idea and I don't want to brag at all, but lots of you have been starting to write your own high school love stories with this as inspiration. Awesomness.

My Heart CH. 32 THE END

2009-03-06T23:31:00.000-08:00

Final chapter. A HUGE thank you to all who have supported this! I'm proud of this fanfic, it was my first Joshayley, and definitely won't be my last. Enjoy the final chapter of My Heart!

My Heart: A Joshayley Story CHAPTER 32 [THE END]

JENNA'S POV:
Being a child of ever so popular rockstars was amazing. They raised me to grow up and follow my dreams. You couldn't ask for better parents than Hayley and Joshua Farro. My mom and dad, my helpers, and the people that have guided me throughout high school and beyond, along with my four other siblings, were the world's greatest parents. I'm eldest, 57 years old to be exact. Next is 55 year old Brynn, then 53 year old Hannah, then 52 year old Jake and 8 year old Maybell. Maybell was a beautiful little girl that we adopted into this family, despite the fact that mom was a bit too old to take care of her when she came.

In fact, mother relied on me to keep an eye and take care of Maybell. I definitely was dependable in that department. Ever since Maybell was a little baby, I've been the one changing her diapers. We adopted her since she was just so helpless. The rest of my siblings have been helpers to me, regularly keeping this family together.

I guess Brynn was the most helpful with keeping things under control. She was a motherly figure in her own way, growing up to be more like my father, Josh, inheriting his same soft brown eyes and brown hair. She had that Italian aura to her, as well. Brynn had her own family, marrying a nice young man named Landon and having three children with him. Mom loved Brynn's children, her eldest, Bailey, in particular. Bailey was 25 years old now, and still in the music industry with her own energetic rock band. She was very inspired by her grandmother (that being my mother) to start her own band, and they had won a Grammy and various awards ever since they started out. Bailey was my mother's grandchild and she made her proud.

My third sister, Hannah, was more like mom: feisty, energetic, and she had a wonderful voice, and during high school she had won so many awards in choir and singing in general. She had bright red hair like my mom in high school, and still had a fading, now auburn color in her hair today. She married as well, having five children, most of which were now in college and one in medical school, pursuing a job in the medical field.

Jake, the shy, sweet only boy in the family with big, brown eyes was always the little sweetie that we could all count on. He was the second to youngest, 52 years old right now, and looked a lot like my dad. His wife was a beautiful Tennessee native named Jamie who inherited the Farro last name and gave birth to twin girls, whom she named Hayley and Ginger. She then gave birth to another baby boy who she named Joshua. He would be Josh Farro II, which was pretty cool. Jake's wife was very much inspired by my parents and did a great tribute by naming her children after my parents.

And that was basically our family, five children and two parents who managed to survive with us there. I smiled at all of them, all of us sitting patiently in the waiting room of this hospital. Jake's children were playing around with some of the hospital's toys and Maybell gladly joined them. Brynn, Hannah and I sat here, tension building in our bodies. I could tell.
I gripped Brynn's hand, and she gripped mine just as hard. Her husband, Landon, sat there beside her, and her children were there as well. In fact, the entire 2nd and 3rd generation of the Farro family filled up this hospital.
And I couldn't complain. I needed them here. I needed them more than I needed myself right now.

Tonight mom had a stroke.

It hurt so much--like pins and needles being stuck into my chest--seeing my own mother, the strong, feisty Hayley Williams, being pulled onto the stretcher and rushed to the hospital. Everything was a blur, a mess of the red and blue police lights that flickered on and off and still rang bright inside my head--those events happened so fast, and now we ended up here in a hospital waiting room.
I wish I had spoken up. I knew mom wasn't feeling well--I should have spoken to dad.
But that would have worried him.
The anxiety was ready to consume me. I gripped Brynn's hand tighter.
Sitting here, waiting here in the hospital, was heartbreaking. We had no clue what was going on upstairs. We just had to sit.
Sit and wait.

I am finding out that maybe I was wrong. I have fallen down, and I can't do this alone.

JOSH'S POV:
I remembered every detail, despite the fact it all happened so fast. They rushed her into the hospital room, doctors in their uniforms and lab coats blocking the way to Hayley. She was still and they forbid me to see her. A intern pushed me over to the side, knowing I was an old grandpa who probably couldn't fight back a young man like him; but I wouldn't let this intern get in the way. I needed to be by Hayley's side. "Sir," that boy said, his hand tightly gripped on my wrist, "I'm afraid you can't--"

"Look sonny," I began, having a weird obsession to the word 'sonny' that I called almost every young man I saw that (it must have come with the old age), "I've been with her for over 50 years, and I've never left her side since. Don't think I'll be leaving her side tonight."

They let me stay with Hayley. I held onto her hand, because, way I had it figured, if I didn't let go of her hand she would stay here right with me. My sweetheart was dying.
And I wouldn't, I couldn't, let her.

After only what felt like just a short while, the doctors tried to dissuade me. "Look," I began again, after they tried to convince me that Hayley couldn't see nor feel me because she was unconscious. "I'm holding on to her hand--see?" I held Hayley's hand up softly. "If you want me to let go, you're going to have to chop my hand off."
They nodded, understanding, and let me stay with her. They asked me to put on a mask and a gown however, asking me to stand to the side after I insisted that I not leave the room. I knew this wasn't allowed, but I just had to stay with her. Whatever would happen to Hayley, I would be there with her, helping her through it, and I did not plan on leaving her side.

Stay with me, this is what I need. Please.

BRYNN'S POV:
A doctor came by hours later. It was dawn outside, and we had been in the hospital for more than 24 hours.
Calling only Jenna to go over to the side, the doctor murmured something I couldn't make out, and in a matter of seconds her mouth was cupped over her hand and she erupted into sobs.
I got up on my feet.
"Jenna," I whispered, hugging her. Her tears left a stain on my shoulders. I couldn't believe it. It couldn't be.
"Mom is..she's..." Jenna silently sobbed in between sniffles, burying her face into my shoulder as her voice faltered. No.
It was all I could do not to run, not to hide away like a cowering child at the prospect of not having a mother anymore. She couldn't be gone. How?
But she was.

Hannah came over to recieve the news. Maybell, playing on the sidelines, hadn't a clue. Jake stayed as a babysitter to his children, but soon enough, Hannah came to go tell him the news, being careful to whisper it low enough that it didn't alarm anyone else. And he didn't hold back a tear. He exploded in her arms, weak, and she held him there. As soon as I let Jenna go and let her cry in her husband's arms, I fell apart in Landon's arms myself. My husband gripped my sides tightly and cried along with me, rubbing my back in a sweet gesture that was supposed to be comforting but barely gave me an ounce of it. My children were sitting in the hospital in an awkward silence, not knowing how exactly to react to something like this.

What was even worse was seeing the doctor just standing there. He was silent, grim, even--and he didn't seem to have an ounce of care over what we were feeling. A deep set, heavy shock lodged itself into my chest.

I couldn't breathe. I could distinctly make out the vague "I'll give you all a minute" that the doctor mumbled to us all. Landon continued to hold me.

I am nothing now, and it's been so long.

HAYLEY'S POV:
There was light.
It was very bright, calling to me, but something grabbed my hand all of a sudden. "Josh?" I asked, smiling to my husband who stood beside me, the glimmering image of youth and beauty. He was here. But why? How was he here? He was supposed to be beside me somewhere down on Earth, not up in the sky like this.
"It's time, Hayles," he replied, returning my smile with one of his own. It was a hopeful smile, a smile that gave me courage to continue into the light. It felt as if I had fallen in love all over again. Like we had fallen in love all over again. In his smile gave the promise of hope, and the promise that we would be together in whatever would come next.
I only noticed it now, but the sky above us was so bright. And so peaceful.
And I could smell the ocean in the air. With the waves' tides ebbing, caressing my ear, and pulling me in. There was no pain, no sadness...just a contentment that I couldn't describe. Together, my hand in Josh's, we walked toward the light.

Since I've heard a sound, the sound of my only hope. This time, I will be listening.

HANNAH'S POV:
We found both mom and dad, pale, yet with a golden almost glowing hue to them, together on the hospital bed around 3 'o clock AM in the morning. Had it not been for their pale, motionless bodies--I would have tried convincing myself that they were still alive.

It had been 60 years that they were together, and I only wished that they could spend 60 more. But life was life, and this was how it was. Tears were still welling up in my eyes as I looked over the bodies. So still, so peaceful--on dad's face there was a hint of a smile, and on mom's there was definitely an expression that I wasn't sure how to decode. She looked happy. Her mouth was twitched upwards. And she was beautiful.

Dad held mom's hand in his own.

I knew that wherever they were, mom and dad were together, and they were safe and...well, home. I smiled at both their bodies, though it wasn't supposed to bring a smile to my face, it did. I would try to remember this as their faces in death--this happy, content emotion that graced their expressions. They went peacefully, in the quiet, together. It was almost the most perfect, pure love story. They had lived as best as they could and passed on together.

Jenna was still crying, her sobs filling the room. She sat beside their hospital bed, her hand gripping tightly on mom's. Brynn did her best trying to calm her down. I couldn't. I wasn't very good at that stuff, anyways. I just stood there, Maybell tugging on my pants, impatiently asking me what was going on. I brought her outside, got her cookies from a nice nurse who so nicely offered me some, and sat her down on a bench.

"May," I began, taking a deep breath as I kneeled on my knees to get on eye-level with her. "Mom and dad have gone...somewhere."

"Where'd they go?" she asked immediately.

"They went to a better place, I'll tell you that." It took all my strength to not break down in front of her. I clasped onto Maybell's little hand for support--the reality that my mother was gone was still sinking in on me. It was still a shock--and trying to explain to Maybell made coming to terms so much harder.

Maybell smiled at me. "As long as they're okay. They are okay, right?"

"Yes, they are very okay," I answered.

"Will I see her soon?"

I willed my heart to not shatter--for my tears to not spill. I couldn't let her see me like that. I swallowed up the sob that was threatening to erupt and grabbed Maybell's hand tighter. "You will, May. You will."

She silently chewed on her cookie. Then she did something I didn't expect--she reached out her little hand and stroked me on the cheek. "I want to see mommy."

I grabbed her in my arms and hugged her tightly, giving in and letting one single tear drop from my face, wiping it as quickly as it came. I pulled away and looked Maybell right in her little eyes. "Come on, we have to go back." My voice had just barely cracked. I took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "Finish those cookies."

One week later..

I smiled up at the sky as I began my song for them. It was their song, and they were listening right now, wherever they were. I had convinced myself that much.
I sang the beginning verses of My Heart for my mom and dad, no one else. I could vaguely recall the first time she told me the story of how dad played it for her back when they were seniors in high school, up on a hill in Tennessee. I couldn't help but cry as I got into the chorus--it was overwhelming, the amount of passion inside this song, and as I came to terms with the fact that I would never see my parents again, I simply broke out in the middle of it all.
I rushed off the stage mid-sentence into the chorus and just cried. With my back against a wall, as if it was some sort of support for me, I let it out.
They were gone.
My parents were gone.
And knowing that made pain swell in my heart--just realizing that I had no helpers anymore. That she wouldn't see how the rest of my kids would grow up, that dad wouldn't be able to hold the 4th generation of Farros.
This hole was in my chest--
and was being cut with rough, serrated edges. I needed my parents. I loved them and I needed them in my life and everywhere I went. I couldn't believe it.
They really were dead.

Please don't go now, please don't fade away.

JENNA'S POV:
After walking out of the funeral, I took a moment and observed the world. Everyone was going on with their normal lives.
I just wanted to scream at them, tell them what happened to us.
How could they be so happy and normal when the most heartbreaking thing just happened to us? How?

I knew it was stupid, my thoughts, because nobody really knew about the situation and I was being too selfish. I wanted everyone to feel what I was feeling, I wanted them to know what's been going on.

But I couldn't just do that. No. I had to move on, no matter how hard. I had to continue with life, because that's what mom wanted me to do. Dad would have wanted it, to.
They told me to live life without regrets--
and that was what I planned to do.
They did not want me to become a hunched up shell inside a house and be refrained from the world. Mom lived a full life. She fell in love, and she taught me how to fall in love, too. She taught me we would fall, that we would be put into fights, that life would throw obstacles our way that sometimes seemed so unmovable, so permanent.
But we'd fall, and we'd get back up.
She got back up, and she had dad.

And I had this life with me--a blessing. Each day was a blessing, each day was a gift, and it didn't matter how famous we were, or how much money we had, or how much we were noticed or accomplished or acknowledged. Those were the little things.
All that mattered was I was here, and I was surrounded with something so much greater than life--that was love. I was taught to appreciate what I had. And I had people who loved me more than I loved myself. And I appreciated that.
This death--it was all natural. I had a lot more in front of me. I had people to take care of, too. And no matter how much people would try to convince me it wasn't true--I had mom and dad with me. They were still here, because they were in my heart. And people don't really die if they still live inside of you.
The more I clasped onto the thought, the more a simple smile had cracked onto my lips. They were watching over me. Over us.

I took my husband's hand and watched as our children walked in front of us, all grown, all living the beautiful gift that was life. And I smiled.

Sing us a song, and we'll sing it back to you.
We could sing our own, but what would it be without you?
This heart, it beats, beats for only you.
My heart is yours.

-----

And there goes My Heart.
I'm sorry I ended it this way, I just wanted something new and unique. But I hoped that you liked it overall! Please give comments and feedback! On YouTube, Buzznet or on here! :D I'd love to hear each thought, what this made you feel, what you thought, etc.

Thank you to all!!! Huzzah!!

My Heart CH.31

2009-03-01T17:42:00.000-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story CHAPTER 31

HAYLEY'S POV:

Touring was finally over. I was back home, where it all began. To think I was doing band practice here a few years ago. Now we're pretty successful in the music industry. Although I'm glad it didn't all get to my head, but I had friends and family to thank for that. We even added an additional band member to the picture--Taylor York. One of our closest friends ever and yet another hooligan in the crazy band we already were.

Everything was absolutely perfect, falling into place, especially because Josh was still mine. I sighed. He was a beautiful human being that was going to take me out tonight. It was my birthday today, anyways.

Josh.

My boyfriend.

I smiled as I thought of him. But really, anyone could smile if they thought about Josh Farro. I smiled at the fact that he was mine, and that our relationship had lasted through high school and beyond, and that he was "the one" for me.

The doorbell of my hotel room rang unexpectedly. I looked down at my watch. It was early. Josh was here already? I hurriedly brushed through my orange hair and fixed the curls. Josh told me to look pretty tonight, so I did.

"Hey Hayles," he greeted, smiling at me. He looked over at my knee-length black dress. "You look pretty. Good job."

I chuckled. "Thanks, Farro."

Josh leaned in closer to kiss me, but I placed a hand on his chest signaling him to stop. "The lipstick will get on your lips."

"Do you honestly think I care about that, Hayley?" He asked me. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"I guess not."

Josh smirked and leaned in to me again, parting his lips slightly and finally placing them atop mine. After it was slowly turning into a make out session, I pulled away and took a breath.

"We aren't going to waste this date kissing all night."

"We could," Josh suggested, raising an eyebrow suggestively. I shook my head and smiled.

"I spent an hour trying to look good, so you are taking me out somewhere whether you like it or not," I told him.

"Alright, alright," Josh answered, backing out of my hotel room.

Josh took me to a extremely fancy restaurant that night, and the waiter being so impeccably nice to us. That restaurant had enough room for dancing, and Josh slow danced with me for half the date. It was all so romantic, and I had no clue was he had planned. He was being so cute and so flirty the entire time, treating me nicely, as if something special was to happen tonight. I let him take me along, not asking him anything at all, though I wanted to so badly. I wanted to ask, Josh, what do you have planned for us? But I couldn't. Not yet.

After the date, he took me to a park, still filled with lights from Christmas two days ago. The trees were still decorated, and in the middle of the field was a plaid picnic blanket with flowers scattered all over them. It slowly dawned on me that the picnic was for us. This was turning into one of the best birthdays ever.

We both sat on the blanket, the lights on the trees illuminating the darkness.

"Here," he said, handing me a medium sized box wrapped in a shiny green paper. "Happy birthday Hayley."

I smiled and took it gratefully. I unwrapped it, hoping not to show too much eagerness. It was a jigsaw puzzle box, the pieces inside.

"A puzzle?" I asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Open it and put it together," Josh urged, with a cute lopsided smile that made me oblige immediately. I smiled and nodded, spilling the pieces onto the blanket. There were only a few pieces packed inside. Josh watched me as I figured out what they looked like.

I managed to put together three pieces, forming what I thought to be a letter, and then, piece by piece, a message was beginning to come together. After finally putting on the final puzzle piece, I looked over at the finished picture.

It read, Will You Marry Me?

I gasped and caught my breath. Josh was smiling broadly now, and grabbed for my hand. From out of his pocket he fished out a ring with a simple diamond placed atop it, not entirely elegant but not horribly plain either. I gasped again at the sight, losing the ability to breathe.

"Hayley Nichole Williams, I love you, so much, and I promise to forever." Josh laughed quickly and continued. "Will you marry me?"

There was not a rational reason why I would not explode with a "yes" right there and then. After smiling so wide that the muscles of my lips began to feel sore, I exclaimed a loud, triumphant, "Yes! Of course!!!"

Josh and I shared a laugh as he grabbed for my waist and twirled me around, carrying me. I squealed as he did that, laughing and inserting the occasional "Josh! Put me down!" in between each giggle. When he finally did put me down, he slipped the ring onto my finger, gingerly holding my hand.

I scrutinized it for a good minute before looking up at him. "You better be sure, because I'm not giving the ring back," I said seriously.

Josh laughed. "Of course I'm sure."

"Good." We both smiled at each other, on the very verge of laughing once more. There was not a single word that could express the complete gratitude I felt as I held that ring on my finger. It was the symbol of love, of everything Josh and I ever shared and ever felt. There was nothing that could have been anymore perfect than that gold band with the simple diamond attached to it. It made everything between us...official, for lack of a better word. My astonishment was beyond expression. But in my heart, there was not one doubt about the decision. He really was the one for me.

JOSH'S POV:

Hayley was cuddled against my chest, breathing softly, her body very warm. It was nice to be back in this hotel room after asking her to marry me. We did get a little drunk and a little too happy--enough to leave us both clothes-free, but that was fine. It was nice she said yes. For a second I thought she wouldn't, but she did, and I was so happy. A million memories of high school and our relationship back then flooded my brain, leaving me satisfied about us being together right now. My hands were wrapped securely around her small frame, the blankets around us both. The underlying guilt that I thought would be surfacing right now instead seemed non-existent.

Slowly she began to wake up. She opened her eyes to look up at me and smiled. "Time to plan this wedding thing." My hand curled around her cheek very gently. She groaned, eyes fluttering, still a bit delirious from sleep. "Josh...the wedding. We need to plan...mmm." My hands brushed her thighs.

I smiled at her, climbing on top. "That can wait." I leaned in to kiss her gently, and her lips accepted mine with a lot more passion than what was acceptable for this early morning hour. But I took it nonetheless, wanting this as much as she wanted it--happy to see last night's fun wasn't quite over yet.

------

One more chapter left!

My Heart CH.30

2009-02-25T21:16:00.000-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story

CHAPTER 30

HAYLEY'S POV:
Once the driver told us we reached Franklin, there was a momentary loss of all other goals but one: take Jeremy back. A huge part of me was incredibly ready to welcome him into the band with open arms. The band needed him. There was something so uncannily perfect about his bass skills, and without him, Paramore would be nothing but three pieces of lost friends. John, our current bassist, was surprisingly understanding of the whole situation, agreeing to leave the band without any complications. I wasn't sure if the "thank yous" I gave him would suffice--but I was pretty sure the message came through.

We arrived in Franklin in the early morning, (3 AM, to be exact) and into my house I went. The rest of the guys got their things unloaded and unpacked as well. Apparently my early-morning energy was too much for Jeremy to take (he answered with an understandably groggy voice as I phoned him at 3 AM to meet up), and he refused to meet us until the sun had risen and the morning was actually present. I couldn't help but agree to his request, he must have been tired, and I would not do anything to sabotage the already welcoming attitude that he was displaying at the present. He was willing to talk, and that was enough for me. Whichever time he preferred to do so was his choice, not mine.

To kill time, I headed up to my bedroom and laid against the bed that was actually mine. It was so much more comfortable than a bunk, less constrained, and so much softer. The distinct smell of laundry detergent lingered on my bedsheets. With the smell and the bed, it was perfectly easy to fall asleep.

My alarm clock went off at exactly 11:30 AM. It was almost comical how quickly my mood shifted from energetic to lazy in just a few hours. The bed and the complete comfort that engulfed me was so utterly perfect and comfortable that I almost refused to get out of bed. But knowing that Jeremy would be up and ready had snapped everything back into perspective with a burst of intuition.

I got ready, preparing finger food downstairs. The first to arrive was Josh, then Zac shortly after. Jeremy didn't show up until thirty minutes later, with what I assumed was shyness and regret. I didn't even bother asking him why he was late, or questioning him--this was too much a good opportunity to ruin by being a perfectionist and too eager. When he arrived, however, standing there in my front porch steps, I was almost surprised to see how little his face had changed. Five months was a lot of time, and I hadn't realized how little I remembered his face until now. Sure, a slight glimpse was present in my brain, a faded remembrance of his brotherly face, but I wasn't expecting it to be so precise a memory. He looked exactly as I remembered as he stood there on my front porch, one hand plastered to the back of his neck sheepishly, cracking a half-hearted smile as I welcomed him in. He entered with his face flushed in a deep-set blush, and for a long minute there was not one word uttered from any of us.

It was Zac (always helpful and always there to break the ice) who spoke up first. "Jeremy!" He exclaimed, and although it was a simple enunciation of his name, it was spoken with such excitement and welcome that I'm sure it didn't take much for him to get the message: he was welcome here. Only moments after that did I release a laugh of relief, for I didn't really know how else to react, and wrapped my arms around his neck. Josh joined in by snaking a hand around my waist and creating a group hug that lasted for a good, long minute.

We all finally settled on the couch, and I insisted Jeremy help himself to the sandwiches that I made in the kitchen, but he had something else to say. No matter how hard he tried hiding his words in his sleeve, it was an attempt that I couldn't overlook, a too-obvious endeavor to hide something that I became suspicious of. He was going to say something. I expected it.

They were tears of joy, of course, but I never expected them.
These tears came after the heart gripping apology speech that he announced to us--they were unneccessary tears, tears that made me feel weak inside but also let the confined stress pour out unto them all. I never figured that I'd cry after an apology to the band, but only now did I figure how much Jeremy meant to me, how much of a friendship I treasured with him, how much the band needed him. It was so overwhelming that the only reaction I could give off were tears.
But these tears were those of joy--nothing less. I managed to smile after Josh had uttered an expected "aww" and took hold of me, pulling me close to his chest. Jeremy laughed at me, but a laugh of pure amusement, no teasing, no hint of bullying in them. It was a laugh that was content, and happy, and I shrugged out of Josh's hug to go put myself into Jeremy's arms. He was like a brother, and he was back, and for once in my life it seemed as if everything (and I mean everything) was falling back into place.

A few years later..

"I messed up on...freaking Hallelujah," Josh mumbled as we all hung out backstage after our Final Riot! Chicago show. 'Hallelujah' was a song that we wrote, that made it into our sophomore album, Riot! With that album came a fanbase that was so supportive and so perfectly amazing that even I couldn't explain how incredibly happy I was to have them. It was a rush--Paramore started out as a small town band with big dreams, and now, as each day passed, we were living that dream. We had an album on the verge of going platinum and had made so many friends along the way.
And tonight's show was something special. The crowd outside were still exclaiming how much they loved us--I could hear the muffled sound of their cheers as we stood there backstage. Those fans I was incredibly thankful for. Paramore was just blessed, suffice it is to say. And this success was something so perfect and unexpected that I could have sworn to anyone I was dreaming. But no, I wasn't waking up anytime soon, although I did have to pinch myself every once in a while to remind me that I was not in a dream.

We got back to the bus, Zac and Jeremy being their usual crazy selves and heading over to the back for yet another game of Guitar Hero, undoubtedly.
But I was beat. I would be lying if I said I wasn't, and although the kitchen seemed a perfectly welcoming escape and a cup of tea was something I craved to have running down my throat, I decided I'd go for something more easily accessible--Josh's bunk.

I climbed into the world of his placid, sweet smelling bunk and laid my head against his pillows. The world was perfectly still in the moment that I closed my eyes and began drifting off into the dark world of sleep--until I heard someone push the curtain of the bunk to the side. No matter how much I tried to feign sleep--I could still feel the person's eyes boring deep holes into my face.
I never did like the feeling of paranoia--the feeling that someone was watching you. I snapped my eyes open and came face to face with Josh.
"I do believe this is my bunk," he whispered against my face. There was a sarcastic intonation to his voice that was impossible to overlook. He chuckled softly to himself and I simply moved over absently, making room for him to climb in. And that he did, laying in his bunk with me and wrapping both hands around my tiny frame.

And I felt secure.

He was just so comforting. Especially after live shows. This is exactly what I wanted right now. He kissed my forehead. "Don't do that," I mumbled, my eyes closed.
"Why not?" He whispered.
"My hair. It's sweaty and gross."

"It is not sweaty and gross," Josh replied.

"Yeah it is, and I don't want to contaminate your mouth with it," I giggled.

Josh laughed and pulled my body to him. He kissed my nose gently, and planted another one on my lips. "Mmm.." I whispered. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. "I'm tired."

"I know, so am I," he said with a groan.

"But I'm like, about to pass out. That's how tired I am."

"I understand. I feel the same."

I smiled back and leaned to kiss him. It was another soft kiss, slow and deep, and it was nothing short of perfect. Once it was over, I swung my legs over his body and pulled myself out of the bunk, walking over to go get my pajamas.
"I'll be bach," I replied with my best Arnold Shwarzenegger impression.

And I kept my promise, climbing back into the bunk with Josh, sharing our little intimate moment together.
"You comfortable?" He asked me, pulling the blankets over us.
The bus's heaters were now officially turned off, and it was getting extremely cold extremely fast. The windows were fogging up, and the lights were low, except for the dim glow that came from the kitchen's microwave. It was still running, and someone was making some late night Hot Pocket. The gentle hum of the microwave was the only sound to be heard inside the bus.
I nodded and snuggled into his chest, like I usually did. "I am now."

Josh laughed and shook his head. "I love you, Spongebob."

I smiled and looked up at him. "You need a nickname now," I whispered. "What about Josh-Kosh? Like Osh-Kosh?"

Josh's eyebrow rose. "Okay..." I began. "Maybe not."

"Yeah.." Josh replied. "I can't think of one, since I'm not a nickname generator."

I continued to smile up at him. "Alright. Enough nicknames. How do you think we did tonight? At the show?"

"We did...well..." There was a hesitance in his stance, a look of doubt in his face that worried me a little. That is, until a hint of a smile showed up, and it wasn't long before a full smile crept in and lit up his face. "You know we did amazing. If I could only pronounce that huge Marry Poppins word without getting tongue tied, I would."

"You mean supercalifragilisticexpiealidocious?"

Josh nodded, laughing. "Yeah, that word."

"Well we did do supercalifragi...uh..yeah," I paused as I realized I was getting tongue tied. Josh shook his head and silently stroked my cheek. We've been together for so long, and yet the first time we met in high school is still a fresh memory in my head. How lovely it was, really. I began to talk to Josh about it, only to be hushed by Jeremy, who was "trying to sleep."
I doubted he was genuinely making an effort, though. He was probably just up on the computer and doing who knows what.
I sighed silently, happily, to myself. Josh imitated me and sighed, too. I giggled and punched him gently in the arm. "You are one crazy phsyco," he whispered teasingly. I rolled my eyes and pulled myself closer to him again.
It was cold in this tour bus, but with Josh I could overcome anything. Even the cold.

--------

Okay. Blech chapter. Sorry for not updating. SO busy with other stuff. :( About to wrap up My Heart! I know where it's going, don't worry. Love you all!!!

My Heart CH.29

2009-02-19T18:26:00.000-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story CHAPTER 29

HAYLEY'S POV:
Some days, we were happy. Others, we were sad. Mostly me, that is. There was always something missing inside our band, and that of course was Jeremy. Things were just not the same without him--there were rarely anymore times when Zac was as lively as he used to be with his best friend, and I begun wondering whether or not we'd make it through without him. I barely had contact with the guy, and everytime I picked up the phone with my trembling fingers against the buttons, I just couldn't bring myself to call him up. He had said that he needed space, and if he needed it, we'd give it to him. But there was something just so wrong about him not with Paramore at all.

We went through Warped Tour without him. It was now five months without Jeremy at our side. Of course, I loved performing and Paramore was doing fabulous, but if we didn't have Jeremy, we weren't fully Paramore, and even the other guys had acknowledged this. I had to act fast before we lost him forever.

It was all the same again--I picked up that phone with a more than hesitant stance, yet with the tour bus wall there for me to lean against for support, I could just make it through this. With a gallant facade I dialed his number and tried convincing myself I was going to go through this correctly.

"Hello?" A voice I had not heard for five months answered.

"Hey Jeremy. It's Hayley."

"Oh. Uh...hi, Hayley..." His tone was sad, surprisingly, almost with an ashamed tone that I could not ignore. I would have broke out with all my emotions right then and there, but we were barely minutes into the conversation yet.

"Is something wrong? I just wanted to say hi."

"Yeah, I know. Um, hi," Jeremy stuttered.

"Okay. Are...you doing good?" Wow, Hayley. Pathetic. So completely useless. This was not a time to really catch up, it was a time to just come out with it and tell him that we needed him desperately. Of course, that was easier said than done.

"Yeah. I'm good," Jeremy said calmly. "Paramore's doing good, too," he added. I nodded, though he couldn't see acknowledgement, I just did it for my own sanity.

"Jer, I think we need to talk. Seriously."

"I was just about to say the same thing," Jeremy said unexpectedly. I nearly choked on my spit, if it was because of the nervousness or the surprise, I didn't know.

"About what?" I asked eagerly.

"About Paramore. The band. I..."

"Jer, are you ready to come back?" I asked blatantly. I could hear Jeremy hesitate before speaking. There was a momentary pause, and for a moment I considered the fact that he had hung up on me, despite the lack of dial tone ringing in my ears.

"Yes. I am."

The simple revelation had my spirits soaring. It was so simple, it was even over the phone, but it felt as if all the confined stress was pouring out of me. "Josh!" I called.

"Wait, Hayley..." I heard Jeremy call.

"What?" I asked.

"I don't know what the guys will think. I just ditch then come back...how do you think they will take that?"

I heard Josh walk into our tour bus living room. "What up, Hayles?" Josh asked.

"It's Josh, isn't it?" I heard Jeremy ask.

"Yep," I replied.

"Who is it?" Josh mouthed at me silently. "Jeremy!" I mouthed back. Josh nodded, taking a seat next to me. "What's he saying?" He whispered.

I hushed him and continued to speak to Jeremy.

"Don't worry about it, Jeremy, you are always welcome back."

"Welcome where?" Josh asked. I hushed him again.

"Where are you guys off to next?" Jeremy asked.

"We're heading home tonight, Jer. You think you can be in Franklin soon?"

"Where in Franklin?" Jeremy asked. Despite the excitement I could hear in his voice, it was obvious there was a mix of fear and anxiety in there.

"My house. We'll be there around tomorrow, so just wait around at a hotel or something. I'll call you. Then our band can talk properly," I replied.

"Thanks, Hayles. Thanks for giving me another chance," Jeremy said.

"No problem. You deserve it," I replied. He hung up shortly after that.

"What in the world was that, Hayles?" Josh asked, his eyebrows raising.

"Jeremy wants to come back to the band. And I agreed."

"Without asking any of us about it?" Josh asked, his voice raising a little.

"You should be okay with it, and I bet Zac and John will be too," I replied.

"Well of course I am, but what? We ask John to leave because we want our old bassist back?"

"It's our band, Josh, and Jeremy was our original member. I guess we're going to just have to break it to John. I'm sure he'll understand."

"You better be right," Josh huffed. He had a right to be angry--I wasn't completely certain in my plan either, no matter how confident I sounded.

Around night, the stress and excitement about the night's events were becoming clearer to me. Although the distant sound of the boys' snoring would have calmed me, in this situation, it failed to suffice. There was only one solution. Cereal, and quiet in the bus's kitchen. Problem was, I could barely reach the cereal cupboard.

JOSH'S POV:
I awoke to a faint grunting sound that was coming around somewhere in the bus. I turned to look outside towards our kitchen, and surely enough, there was Hayley. She was jumping, trying to reach the cereal cupboards and working a genuine amount of effort to accomplish this. I watched as she let out an angry huff and gave up, just grabbing a hot pocket from the freezer. For a moment I considered falling back into quiet sleep, but the mere truth that Hayley was there alone in the bus's kitchen had me sliding out of my bunk and walking toward her.
"Hungry?" I asked, yawning.
She looked pleased to see me here with her. "Yeah. I tried getting cereal, but I guess I'll settle for microwavables," she answered, smiling.

After eating a quick midnight snack with Hayley, we both rushed back into the bunks. Hayley stood there as I climbed into my bunk. "Anything you want, my love?" I asked gallantly and cheesily, as she kneeled down on her knees and looked at me. "My bunk is uncomfortable," she whined.

"Okay," I said, without much choice in the matter, moving over to the side and lifting my blanket. "Get in." Hayley smiled, and the weight of her body sinking into the mattress made it a lot more comfortable and warm. "Your bed is way better than mine," she mumbled. I smiled and kissed her forehead. I could feel Hayley smile into my chest as she dug her head into it. I wrapped both arms around her tightly. As I observed her, I realized just how right this was--just how this one gorgeous girl personified everything I needed and wanted in a person. She was so completely perfect for me--and the truth was so amazing that it almost overwhelmed me.

"I'm still not sleepy," she whispered, snapping me out of my reverie.

"I know. Me either. But just close your eyes and drift off, I know you can do it."

"Yeah, you can too," Hayley chuckled. She let out a yawn.

"See? You're getting more tired already. Sooner or later you'll be asleep, in my arms."

"Yeah...in your arms..." Hayley said, stirring around a little. When she finally calmed down and was still, I unwrapped my arms from her. "Hey," she mumbled, her eyes still closed. "I can't sleep without your help."

I grinned and took this as encouragement to keep my arms around her all night. "Thank you," Hayley whispered, falling into the state of peace she was in again.

I smiled. God, I loved this girl.

------
Gaah. Not a very good chapter. Sorry for not updating for a while. I'm just busy with all the other fanfics. :) But thanks so much for reminding me and telling me to update. :) Hope you guys are still sticking to this fic. Comment!!

My Heart CH.28

2009-02-14T22:52:00.000-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story
chapter 28

JOSH'S POV:

We had already gone three days into our Florida retreat, performing two shows at local gigs. This was honestly the most fun I've ever had, especially with Hayley by my side. But by the third show, an unexpected event had hit us all with surprise.

Hayley and I stood backstage as the guys devoured what was left of the catering.
This show in particular was ridiculously exciting. The crowd left a thrum of energy that pulsed in arms to my thumbs, incredible beyond belief. Although my fingers were numb from holding the rugged strings on guitars, I didn't dare protest, instead I let them stroke Hayley's sweat-drenched hair. They left a cool sensation on my fingertips.

She drank from a water bottle as a rather official looking man in a black suit approached us.

This black suit was rather official, one that told any spectator that he meant business. And although his face was warm, the suit contradicted with it.

"Hi, are you the lead singer of Paramore?"

Hayley swallowed a gulp of her water before nodding. "That would be me."

"Hello, my name is John Janick," he began, holding a hand out for her to shake. "I was wondering if your band could come in to record a demo CD? I'm the CEO of the label Fueled By Ramen and we'd love to have you signed."

I nearly choked on my spit.

"What?" Hayley asked, a louder voice than her usual tone. "You're kidding me right?"

"No jokes here. We'll fly you into Los Angeles and maybe we can book a contract. Give me a call." From his suit lapel he pulled out a very official looking card, and I could tell how much she was trying to hide her excitement, but it was simply escaping her. Hayley snatched the card up like it was gold.

"I definitely will, Mr. Janick. Thank you so much!"

In moments time she had called. And we found ourselves flying into Los Angeles to record an official demo CD. This took rigorous amounts of writing and back to back bickering about which songs to use. But John Janick himself gave positive feedback after listening through the final thing, and was ready to turn it in to the rest of the label to check out.

It was only moments later that we were negotiating with our parents about the entire ordeal. With points being thrown back and forth and a conversation that was inching upon an arguement, we managed to convince them the light in the situation and they had agreed to everything. We took early tests in high school, worked long and hard to achieve enough high school credits in a short amount of time with private tutoring. The entire thing had taken tedious work and extra focus--and with our band put on hold, we finished high school and graduated, dealing with the pressure of having a record deal just sitting there and waiting for us. But we got in touch with John Janick once more, and with a contract and record deal signed, it was official.

Paramore was signed.

A week later..

"Today's the day!" Zac hollered from across the hotel hallway. Jeremy opened the door and looked back at him with surprise. "I know!" He called, the two jumping up and down in no attempt to downplay their excitement. I pushed my hotel door open to hush the two. There were other people sleeping, considering it was still 6 AM in the morning. It was unbelievable to me how two guys (who got, at most, 4 hours of sleep) could carry so much hyper energy this early.

Two days into recording what would be our first album, Jeremy had begun displaying some strange, albeit worrying, behavior. He wasn't working as hard, and he didn't seem to be enjoying anything we did. A continued air of grimness had circled around him days into the studio, his bass skills barely showing through that our own producer had to ask whether he was in this or not.
Soon enough, Hayley had noticed, and decided to call a band meeting to ask him about everything.

"I just don't feel ready, I need to sort things out..." Jeremy mumbled, as we all circled around him in intent attentiveness, my head beginning to jump to conclusions that I didn't dare think before. "I need to know if this is for me."

"What do you mean, Jeremy? This is for you, you've been doing great!" Hayley encouraged. And although that tone and her smile would have helped me any day, Jeremy didn't seem to lighten up.

"I don't know, I'm unsure, and I don't want to ruin any of this for you guys," Jeremy replied.

"You aren't ruining this for us Jeremy," Hayley shot back immediately, a walking contradiction.

"Truth is, I am, Hayles. I can't concentrate on playing, I'm just trying to sort it out. If I keep playing at this state, the album will be ruined. I don't want to do that."

Hayley sighed with a hum of impatience. "So what are you saying?"

"I don't want to do this. Not with you guys...I can't. I guess all I'm saying is I need a break from this."

"Dude, we just started recording," I reminded him.

"I know! That's why I'm leaving before it's too late..."

"Jeremy, you're ditching us, man?" Zac asked, and I didn't question the almost terrified sound in his tone. I was feeling the same way.

"I'm not, I'm just sorting things out," Jeremy replied, looking as if he was doing his best effort to calm himself down that calm the rest of us. Getting up from his place in the chair, he began his descent towards the door, his head wasn't held high, nor was there any hint of pride in his stance. His hand curled around the doorknob hesitantly--I could read the fear in his composure. There was one last, final glance towards us before he pulled the recording studio's door open and stepped outside.

We were all speechless.

One month later..

Paramore was doing well, and having John Hembree as our bassist wasn't as great as having Jeremy, but he was a cool dude. I was just glad we were able to release our first album ever. Hayley based it all on Jeremy's leave. I secretly hoped Jeremy would find our album and realize it was all for him. Maybe he'd come back. But now, we were in Warped Tour and having fun.

-----

This has an absolute lack of length but I felt like I had to leave it there. For those of you who want to read a more updated story of mine, go to my BuzzNet and check out my fic, Shattered. That story gets updated more than My Heart, haha.

http://www.joemqi.buzznet.com/user/journal

Please be patient for My Heart updates! :D I won't forget about it, I promise!

My Heart CH.27

2009-02-08T14:24:00.000-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story CHAPTER 27

HAYLEY'S POV:
I lifted my heavy suitcase and Josh, Jeremy and Zac imitated me. All four of us were headed to Florida today, and no one wasn't ready for it. I booked a few shows for Paramore, and we were ready to let loose and just have fun. It was much needed anyways, since high school was coming to a much awaited close and we would finally be free.

There was nothing quite as relaxing as the plane ride we had when getting to Florida. First class, easy going, nice stewardesses who pasted fake smiles on their faces when we called--not that I minded it. I guess paradise could be the perfect word for it. It was quiet for the most part, no crying babies, no obnoxious other passengers who insisted that they get what they want or they'd place restraining orders (oh trust me--I've come across those). The boys seemed to be taking the luxury quite as I knew they would: playing with all the buttons on their seats, asking for every meal and every snack that could possibly be given to them. But the ride was nothing compared to the beautiful Florida escape we had landed on.

The air was hot and sticky, the sunlight already burning my skin as we left the airport. I should have expected this, it was early summer and surely Florida's sunshine would already come through. I was only angry that I forgot sunscreen again, cursing under my breath for letting my skin go unprotected like that.

Zac literally threw his bags carelessly into his hotel room as we entered, albeit being very careful with his drum stuff. I shook my head as I watched him, leaning against the doorframe. At any other situation this would have made me laugh, but it was utterly annoying--almost disgusting--the way he cared not for his own belongings. "What?" He asked, catching my already curious glance as he unpacked his drum kit.

"You care about your drums more than your clothes, belongings and electronics? Your laptop is in that bag, Zac!" I sounded like a complete mother to him as I yelled that, but there was no missing point in my words.

Zac nodded, but I could tell from his distraught disposition that he wasn't really paying attention at all. Josh and I made our way to our shared room as Jeremy got unpacked in his own. "You doing okay, Jerm?" I checked in, entering the room across from Zac's.

"Mm-hmm. Fine, Hayles," Jeremy insisted, fumbling around with the zipper of his suitcase. I nodded and walked over to our room, our meaning Josh and I, of course. He was messing with his suitcase too. I laughed softly to myself as I watched him struggle to open it, his muscles flexing under his t-shirt as he tugged at what seemed to be a very stubborn black suitcase. I heard him curse something to himself, and with one last, final tug, he pulled the zipper sideways. The suitcase opened.

"Hooray," I said, welcoming myself into the room. "You finally unzipped it."
"It's harder than it looks, okay?" Josh said jokingly, getting up and wiping a trickle of sweat from his forehead. "Thanks for bringing us here, Hayles."
"It was all in the name of fun," I replied as Josh intertwined his fingers with mine. He pressed his ribcage against me and angled his head down toward mine.
"Yeah, and you're here. We're all here. That makes it better." Josh leaned in to distract me with a kiss, but Zac had walked in on us.
"You guys, I need some help--" Zac paused and blushed. You should have closed the door first, my conscience reminded me with an almost mocking tone. "Er--you guys are clearly busy. I should go."
"You need help with what?" I asked, pulling away from Josh.
Zac scratched the back of his head as he leaned against our door frame. "I can't open my suitcase. The zipper is on pretty tight."
"Super Hayley is coming to save the day!" I said, with an amount of energy that surprised even me, stretching out one arm and running over to his room. I looked like a complete idiot, but we were here to have fun, weren't we? "You boys need to work out! I think that means no more fries, Zac. You can't pull open a stupid zipper." I gripped the zipper tightly and with a quick tug toward the left, it had opened. "Tah-dah!"

Zac placed his hands on his hips. "I could have done it myself. I know I could."

"Mm-hmm," I joked, walking out of his room.

Josh was in the middle of fixing something on the bedside table when I opened the door. He immediately reacted to the sound of my footsteps and his lips immediately twitched upward into a smile--it was almost smug. "Where were we?" He asked enticingly.

"I think I have a pretty good idea," I said with a tone so teasingly flirtatious that he must have been questioning what my actions were going to be next.

A loud knock disturbed us yet again. I groaned, opening the door and seeing Jeremy standing there with a confused--no, embarrassed- look on his face. "Zipper issues?" I guessed, quite sure that would be the case. Jeremy nodded, almost shamefully, and Josh let out a loud, impatient grumble from behind me.

Once the zipper dilemmas were done and over with, the four of us actually had time to hang around Florida. Famously the citrus capital, we picked oranges from a farm far from the city. Picking oranges had soon turned into a orange-ball fight, started by Jeremy and Zac, undoubtedly. Josh joined in and soon, I was being pummeled by oranges. Not that I minded, it just hurt a little. There was quite an advantage to having a tall boyfriend, for he doubled as a human shield, which made it much easier to throw oranges at Zac. With my hands I gripped the side of Josh's arm with an almost masochistic tightness, hiding behind him as my other hand busily threw oranges. The fight was halted to a stop by someone who began chasing us away from the farmhouse.

We then took a tour bus and listened to the tan and bleach-blond Florida tour guide go on about everything Florida-related. She was extremely perky for someone who must have been at least sixteen years old and struggling with high school and the messes of teenage life. She also looked like a mannequin, straight out of a store, complete with a tan and everything. It was almost distracting--her completely voluptuous body and her painfully annoying voice. She looked and acted like a godess, minus the voice. I did learn a few good facts about Florida, however.

For lunch, the boys and I had turned to a local-looking Florida cafe, a sign protruding out of the large white building that read Florida Coffee And Sweets. It was obscured by a tree branch and the cafe seemed to be hidden in the corner of a boulevard, but we had managed to find it, already lured inside by a delightful smelling aroma of coffee lingering on the inside. After the quick break (which included Zac, Jeremy, and Josh eating down every bread sample and large portions of pastries), we finished the day off watching a nearby fireworks show. It was fortunate that we stumbled upon it, for the lights and view of the chemical reactions in the air were shockingly beautiful. We were standing ridiculously close to the machines that released the fireworks in the air, and as the sparkle and shine exploded in the sky, it seemed as if they were raining down and ready to come hit us. Of course they didn't hit us, thank goodness, and there was nothing but the neon glow against the Florida night and a bunch of smiling faces watching the show.

"I'm beat," Jeremy exclaimed, yawning, as he hauled himself into his hotel room.
"Me too," Zac agreed, closing his door.
It really was only 10 PM, and I wasn't sleepy at all. And by the looks of it, Josh wasn't either. "I guess we're alone now," Josh sighed, yet there was a grateful tone accompanied with his voice. He led me down the hotel hallway with his fingers wrapped gently around my wrist. "Come on, we aren't staying here."

I found myself walking along a beach, hand in hand with Josh. I felt the soft waves kiss my feet and return to the ocean, swaying rhythmically, and the sand tickle my toes. It was very calming, with the night sky hanging right above us and a few stray stars and the crescent moon giving off an almost unnatural silver glow on the sand. I took a breath. "Great, huh?" Josh asked. I nodded in agreement. "I love it."
He wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me near, as the waves continued to sing as the background. He and I laid against the beach sand, silent and peaceful, no tourists around at this late hour. "I love you Hayley," he whispered, arms still wrapped around me, with them a sense of protection that even I couldn't really describe. "I do, too," I whispered, completely warm and secure. He kissed my forehead softly, and then my nose, my cheek, and finally, my lips. A drop of rain fell from the night sky. I never saw it coming. It was startling, as the first drop hit the side of my cheek with a force I didn't think was possible with water, and I was forced to stare up into the bleak, empty sky. I could make out a light chuckle that came from Josh's throat, and as I turned back to him, he hungrily pressed his lips against mine. Why did his kisses never get old? It was soft and firm, not too rough, and I wanted it to last forever. Nothing quite so easily described. And the best part? It was raining. I was completely dazed.

When he finally pulled away, Josh smirked. I probably looked idiotic, just dazzled from everything, head still spinning after the mixture of rain and his lips. "How was that?" He asked with a smug lilt to his already beautiful voice, the rain soaking us wet. "I think we should get back to the hotel, then I'll tell you," I replied.

Josh was already tucked in bed way before I was, as I dried my hair inside the hotel with the nice white towels. As I emerged from the bathroom, he was sitting there, the bedside lamp the only light turned on in the room. The kiss of air conditioning brushed against my face, and I tried not to let the snarl of horomones consume me. All I wanted to do was just kiss him all night--but I needed to control myself before things went out of proportion. He smiled up at me as I laid myself next him. "You still haven't answered my question," Josh said.
"What question?"
"About the kiss."
"Right," I began. "I think you're a sexy beast."

Josh stared back at me in a complete mix of amusement and shock, which one he felt more, I didn't know. "I really do," I insisted. I couldn't make it out in the dim light--but I think a blush crept across his face. "Thanks?" He said. I punched him softly in the arm before settling into bed. I turned, my back facing him. "Aww, Hayles. Don't tell me you're not up for some cuddling." I turned towards Josh, and I immediately regretted doing so. He had his best puppy dog expression pasted on his face again, which he probably knew was my utter weakness. He had so much advantage with that look. Pressing my head into the crook of his neck, I tried to feign anger but it never came, and instead my voice came out like a giddy schoolgirl's. "Happy?" I asked. Josh placed his strong arms around my tiny body. "Very," he replied.

-----------------
TODAY IS JEREMY'S 24TH BDAY, YO.

My Heart CH.26

2009-02-04T17:09:00.000-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story CHAPTER 26

HAYLEY'S POV:
The week following the absence of Josh and our fight, I was sure I would have died of guilt for yelling at him like that. No, I should have died. The entire thing was threatening to swallow me whole--he was everything to me.
It was intense, the pressure between us during the following week. In science, he sat next to Jaelyn. After what she did to us? It was very unlike Josh to do that--but I couldn't bring myself to question him, for she seemed even better than me at the moment. They even talked.

During the fourth and fifth periods, Jaelyn and Josh were working together. By the end of the school day, she was with him, ready to walk home with him. I couldn't believe it. Did the two start going out before I even knew? It was strange and utterly pathetic to be following them home--it was stalking, really, but there was an inexplicable want inside of me that just craved to know what the two would be up to. And I needed to follow the two home, not merely to satisfy my curiosity--but more to save my sanity.
Did he find a retreat in Jaelyn? Or was he just trying to make me jealous? It was too hard to think and walk and feel the snarl of emotions threaten to consume me, because right when Josh and Jaelyn approached his house's front porch, she kissed him softly.
And there was something so gentle about it--it reminded me of the way he kissed me.

And it was enough to make my heart sink.

They really were going out, weren't they? Or was she helping him in making me jealous? If that was the case, he definitely did a wonderful job. I was jealous, and hurt. Before anyone could see that I was there, I ran toward my house, in a pace so brisk that it left my legs weak and aching as I arrived on the front steps.
Once I opened the door, I slammed it hard, so hard I'm sure I broke it, along with the house's foundation.
My mom ran downstairs with a horrified expression upon hearing the slammed door. "What in the world is wrong, Hayley?!" She yelled, with a tone only a concerned mother could pull off so well.
I sighed and shook my head--as if the gesture could shake all my thoughts together and make all of this make sense. "I'm sorry," I said, in a tone so barely audible that I questioned whether she heard it or not. What was I thinking? "It's Josh. He's just...ugh. I'm mad. Really mad. He's dating this girl, I think they're dating...I don't know. I'm so confused. I don't know what to think, what to feel. It's like--I just don't know. I just don't, mom."
My mom nodded. Then she smirked.
"What?" I asked her, irritated now. How could she think this was funny?
"I'm sure you two will eventually find each other again," she said, so surely, so completely surely that I didn't even bother hesitating to contradict it.
I shook my head, frowning. "Doubt it. This time he officially broke up with me. And started dating Jaelyn!"
"Who in the world is Jaelyn?" My mom asked.
"The devil's little helper," I mumbled.
My mom looked at me with an expression that made me immediately regret what I just said. "Why would you think of someone like that, Hayley? I raised you better," she exclaimed.
I nodded, defeated by mom's stare. "Okay, okay," I sighed, "I know. I really should forget about him anyways."
"Now wait a second," my mom replied quickly, "I never said forget about Josh. You never even apologized, Hayley. Settle it and be friends before you go. You said you were even unsure whether or not the two are dating! How do you know that you two are broken up for good?"
I sighed. My mouth was half open and ready to shoot something back at her--but my throat was constrained, and I lost the will to speak.
Mom always knew what was right. And she was right. Tomorrow for sure, I had to talk to Josh.

Something woke me up in the middle of the night.
There was something--and this time, it was a worse feeling than what I felt when those burglars came in to grab the stuff from my house.
And I was terrified.
I stirred in my bed before looking up--and I didn't miss what was towering above me. There, lurking right above my bed, was a large masked man that seemed hidden in the shadow.
Before I could gasp in terror, before I could even react--he grabbed my face and covered my mouth with enough force that I could hardly open my mouth. I definitely made an effort to, however, squirming and trying to squeal in his arms as he kept a strong grip against my body. I was virtually helpless, defenseless, and being kidnapped in the middle of the night against my own will.
My mother wasn't around. No one was around to help me.
My eyes shot frantically in all directions as he carried me across the house, soon covering my eyes swiftly with a blindfold. He threw me into the trunk of his car, that much I could tell. I hated being only 5' 2", right at that moment. I fit perfectly in the trunk, my small size no advantage. I let out an ear piercing scream just as the car's engine started, my mouth free from the man's hand--but there was no use.
Nobody would hear me now.
The car began to move, and I started to sweat nervously. I felt the strain in my neck as the car's tight space threatened to close in on me. My nerves were strung and alive like live wires.
My forehead continued to be glazed in sweat.
The blindfold felt like a tight, neverending tug against my eyes, surely leaving some marks once they were taken off.
Thankfully, it wasn't very long until the car halted to a stop.

I heard the car's trunk open and the man carry me again. For a kidnapper, he handled my body with a very gentle, almost caring carress. Yet this did not calm me at all--I was still being kidnapped and could be left for dead.
I was carefully placed on a grass-like surface, and the man untied the blindfold. I glanced around and realized we were in the park, hidden behind the trees. These precious seconds could be the difference between life and death. My conscience reacted quickly--I was able to see, and able to run. I squirmed against the grass and tried to heave myself up before this man could do anything to me.
But he reacted as well--so quickly, lashing out to go grab my wrists and restrain me. "Hayley! Hush!" He whispered.
The figure removed his mask and planted a kiss on my lips before I could run away. His tongue begged for entrance, and I opened my mouth to let him do so. The familiarity was there. The voice was there.
I really needed this right now, even if we were in the middle of a somewhat-break up. When he finally pulled away, I frowned and my eyes narrowed at the sight of him.
"What in the world were you thinking, Josh?" I said, a bit too loud for what was probably 2 AM in the morning.
"I don't know, I needed to talk to you, and I needed you back. Our fights don't last very long, you know," Josh shrugged the event off as if it was no problem at all--like nothing had happened in the last few minutes.
I rolled my eyes, utterly disbelieving. Despite the fear that dissolved into empty void, I was still adrenaline filled after all that alacritic rush, and I was in no mood to joke around. "But what about Jaelyn? Why would you go out with her again?"
I could see him blush, even the dark couldn't drown that out. "I was...well," he stuttered before finally coming out with it. "I was trying to get you jealous."
I scoffed at him smugly. "I knew it," I said quietly. "I did."
We paused there for quite a while before Josh started to talk again. "You never even let me explain," he said.
There was a point in his words--a point that hit me only now with unfathomable force. I shook my head and angled my head in such a way that I was sure to avoid his eyes.
"Can I explain though?" He asked.
I leaned into him and wrapped both arms around his body--holding him there and hoping this gesture would tell him that I was no longer angry. I left my head against his shoulder. "Explain," I said, listening.

It turns out I was stupid for everything. I shouldn't have let this drama boil between us. I'm overly stubborn and too hard headed when it comes to explanations. I couldn't believe I just yelled at Josh without even having good reason. I didn't even know the whole side of the story. Going on without explanation was such a horrid mistake--one I hoped I'd never make again with Josh.

"Hello?" Jeremy answered.
"Hey Jeremy, it's Hayles," I answered meekly.
Jeremy sighed. "I thought the band was over with already," he began, "I mean honestly, we haven't practiced together in a week. And Zac told me all about the drama that was going on between you and Josh."
"Yeah, yeah, I know," I replied, guilty as charged, "but I never let him explain to me. I was stubborn and stupid, Jerm, and I really wanted to get this band back in shape. That's why during our two week break from school...I'm taking you guys to Florida."
"Florida?" Jeremy asked, hit with the surprise that I hoped.
"Yeah, Florida," I repeated.
"Right. Sure, Hayles, nice joke," Jeremy replied, still skeptical.
I groaned, amused how he wouldn't take this seriously. I couldn't blame him though--the offer was so blatant and unexpected. I would have reacted the same way, I guess. "Okay, I guess I'll just take Zac then if you don't want to go."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I never said I didn't want to go. You're serious about this?" Jeremy asked.
"I think I made that clear earlier," I said with a laugh.
"No way, Hayley! I'm so in on this."
"Okay, Jeremy," I replied, "And I'm sorry for forgetting about the band because of Josh and my stupid little fight. You will not believe what he did just to talk to me."
"What did he do?" Jeremy asked eagerly.
"I'll tell you when we all meet up at Josh's...say...six-ish? Zac ought to know, too."
"Okay, Hayley. See you then."

Zac and Jeremy let out a roaring laughter only they as a duo could posses. "You put her in your trunk?" They asked, faces red, eyes nearly stinging with tears as they restrained laughter. And there was nothing that was able to supress my laughter, either. The two and their hilarity and enthusiasm were contagious. "And I fit perfectly!" I added.
Josh tried to smile, but it was faltering, and he was blushing like mad. "It was the only way, okay?" He replied.
Zac and Jeremy poked at him and started teasing him about the whole kidnapping ordeal once more. "I cannot wait until mom hears this," Zac said. Josh's entire face turned bright red, and he forced a smile. "Dude, don't tell mom," he pleaded. "Let me think..." Zac began, one finger on his chin, "No."
Josh glared back at him nastily, but Zac did not give in. "I'm still telling mom," he said.

-------------
That was a pretty short chapter. Hope you enjoyed! I dislike drama, but you all know it had to be done. At least it's all over now, right? :-) Thanks to everyone who read Shattered and is still reading My Heart. I can't believe you guys have stayed with my fics for this long. I appreciate you all very much and really wish I could give you all a hug!

My Heart CH.25

2009-02-01T21:03:00.000-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story
CHAPTER 25

HAYLEY'S POV:
As school was coming to a close, I thought we would go somewhere for another live show, out of Tennessee during the summer. But for now the final tests were coming, and I was stressing way too much. If this band thing didn't work out, I needed a Plan B. The more I thought of it, the more I doubted our band. We didn't even have a band name yet. We did some live shows without even saying our band name. That's when I knew we needed one, and fast. I called another band meeting.

"Can we go back to Hot Wheels?" Zac asked, hopeful.

Josh groaned and looked over at his brother. "I thought we settled this already."

The answer set Zac's expression into a deep-set frown, well, more a pout, really. "Come on!!"

I only laughed as the two shot back and fourth at each other with words. "Stop it, you guys," I finally said.

"So Hayley, you haven't pitched in any ideas at all lately. Got any?" Josh asked. Everyone turned their heads toward me. It was strangely awkward, and there was a pause. "Well, since you put me on the spot," I began, "I was thinking....maybe...no, it's stupid."

"Come on, Hayles! There isn't a right or wrong answer in this one," Josh assured me.

"Okay...well..." I started pausing again but the curious look in all their faces had begged me to go on. "I was thinking...Paramore."

The rest of the band turned towards each other in some silent conversation that they seemed to only understand. There was some kind of compromise being worked out, and based on the looks on their faces, they were considering the idea. "It's not bad. I actually like it," Zac said, nodding.

"Yeah, how did you think of it, Hayles?" Josh asked.

"It means secret lover...well, the homonym, that is. I just changed up the spelling to P-A-R-A-M-O-R-E. And it's from one of my old friend's maiden names. I just thought it sounded cool."

The rest of the band had adopted the name and soon we became so used to it that it was official. It became more comfortable introducing the band as Paramore on our local shows. We usually did one live show every week or two, and continued writing songs. The other half of the time I was studying hard for our final exams. If I didn't pass, I would kill myself. Okay, so not that drastic, but still, I really think I'd explode. The more I stressed, the more I felt myself drift from our band. Each rehearsal I'd have my head stuck in a book sometimes. The guys would have to snap me back into reality and out of study-world. I couldn't believe myself. I'd blow Josh off sometimes just to study harder. I wasn't making much progress with my personal relationship with him. I couldn't blame him if he started to hate me. I hated myself right now, completely stressed about finals and tests. If I wanted to patch things up, this might be the right time to.

"Hayles?" Josh answered on the other line.
"Josh...I miss you."
"Yeah...I've been missing you, um, the past two weeks. You've been super busy." Josh stressed the word busy, saying it in a way that made me feel shame for lying to him for the tests.
"You want to go out tonight?" I offered.
"Nah...I'm busy studying," Josh replied honestly.
Ironic, I thought to myself. "You think I can study with you?" I asked.
Josh laughed softly and agreed. "See you here, then."

I appeared at his doorway only minutes after the conversation with a pile load of books. "Hey," I greeted, as Josh opened the door with a bright grin, a grin so happy that I was almost sad to see it go. "I think we need to catch up on more than the studying. Sorry I haven't been," I sighed to myself, "Josh, I'm sorry I was blowing you off every time you offered to go out. It's just I'm freaked over these tests. I don't know if we will pass. I mean it's not like I don't want to do music for a living, because I do, but what if we don't make it so well in the music industry? I'm stressing over a plan B, so to speak."
In a gentleman like manner, Josh took the books out of my arms and led me inside. I rubbed the temples of my forehead gently and sighed again. "I really need some tea right now."

Josh handed me my tea and sat down next to me in the living room. I smiled up at him as he handed me the cup, feeling completely undeserving for a person who cared so much; too much. "Thanks," I said, sipping, wishing I could give him more than words. Almost as quickly as I had gulped the tea down, I spit it out and blew it all over his shirt. Josh just laughed and shrugged it off. "Sorry, forgot to tell you it was hot." I got up and began trying to help him. My efforts weren't working out so well, when all I had were my hands. "Don't worry Hayley," he said, grabbing my fretting hands off of his shirt, "it's okay. I've got another shirt in the laundry room."
He rushed over somewhere and was back out in the living room with another shirt. As he lifted it over his head, my damn hormones started kicking in. Although it should have been so easy to watch him now, his bare chest exposed, considering how completely comfortable we were around each other, I found myself being unable to breathe. Dear Lord, I was fucking hyperventilating.
"Umm..Hayley?" He asked, his face confused.
I entered back into reality and gaped at him for a while. "Huh?"
"You ready to study?" He asked with a laugh, realizing what was going on. I sighed. The embarrassment sent a flush of red into my cheeks.
"Yes," I squeaked, sitting next to him.
It didn't take too long for us to stop focusing on studying and start pitching ideas for songs. We had a manuscript paper in front of us and I started writing lyrics. I had already let my feelings about Josh write the song out for me. It only took thirty minutes to produce my own melodic lyrics for it. I entitled it Brighter, and showed it to Josh. As he read over it, I could tell he had already started making little guitar melodies in his own head. He faced me, looking impressed.
"I love it," he said. "As usual."
I smiled and laughed. "It was really for you."
The corners of Josh's mouth pulled up into a wide grin. "Aaww. Thanks Hayles," he said as he wrapped one arm around me.
I smiled at the intimate moment. It felt good to be in Josh's arms again.
He leaned in and kissed me softly. Once he had pulled away, I grabbed the thread of his shirt and pulled him in, kissing him madly. Good the dude didn't fight back, and I found myself being lied down into the carpet as we shared a much needed kiss.

JAELYN'S POV:
I felt like such a stupid idiot for standing outside Josh's wide open window. But what I saw hurt the most. It's not like I didn't see it before, but Hayley and Josh were smack in the middle of a make out session. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to act. I hated Hayley Williams with a passion. I couldn't bear this whole going out thing anymore, I really just could not let him go.
It was a warm and breezy Saturday night when my plan went into action. I left a pile of roses in front of Hayley's doorstep, with a card attached to them.

HAYLEY'S POV:
There was a knock.

I looked up from my books, startled. I cracked the door open to look around for who it was, but there was no one in sight. At my feet though, was a pile of red roses. I smiled as I grabbed for them. Attached was a white card, with 'To: Hayley' written on it. I carefully held the roses in my arms as I tried to open the card.

Hey Hayles,
Meet me at my house tonight.

Love,
Joshie

I grinned and put the roses in one of mom's unused vases before I slipped on a jacket and some Vans. I sprinted towards Josh's house in such a pace that left my legs aching, but wasn't ready for what I saw.

There was Jaelyn, sprawled across Josh's lap, stroking his hair. He looked like he was fighting back, trying to push her off him, but then her lips landed on his, and he didn't pull away. Well, I wouldn't know, because I started to cry. I started to cry so hard it felt like my eyes would blast out of my face. Jaelyn then pulled away and Josh turned towards the window, watching me watch them both. A wave of shock and pain washed over his face as he watched me cry, but I couldn't take it any longer. Jaelyn just smirked. I ran away quickly before he could call after me, locked the door and fell against it, burying my face in my hands.

My phone had constantly rung throughout the night, so much so that I had ended up turning it off. By the morning, I had 48 missed calls, and they all came from Josh. No matter how much I wanted to reply, I couldn't. Jaelyn was involved though, no doubt there was something she had done. He obviously hated her. But why let her into his house? I started to cry as I thought about that night again, such a crisp memory recalling in my brain. I couldn't decide if it was right to talk to him or not. I bottled up all my feelings at once. He knocked constantly on my door that morning, but I begged my mom not to let him in. Although a look of questioning had fallen upon my mother's face, she did not bother to ask me about my decision, and I didn't expect her to. She turned Josh away and his attempts at making contact with me.

It was late night while I sat in front of the television. I was trying to focus on South Park and not my ever recurrent memories, but I couldn't forget. It was all too fresh to forget. Josh knocked again. "Ugh!" I groaned aloud. "Hayley! Let me explain!" He cried from the outside. I rolled my eyes. No chance that was happening. "Hayles I've been knocking since this morning and I swear I won't leave until you open the damn door. Please let me explain!"
I tried to drown out all his knocking my grabbing my Ipod and blasting the music, but somehow his knocking overpowered even my loudest tunes. "Leave me alone, Josh!" I hollered at the door. "Not until you let me talk to you!" He shot back. I groaned in annoyance again. "Josh, you are extremely messed up. Can't you understand English?!" I yelled. "Leave. Me. Alone!"
The knocking had finally stopped, but Monday morning Josh's body was slumped against my door. It was definitely surprised when I noticed his haphazard body shlump into my house as I opened up the door that morning. "What the..." I began. "Josh!" I screamed.
His eyes opened and looked up at me. "Get out!"
He stood up on his feet. "Hayley please," he started.
I rolled my eyes at him. "Stop begging. I'm not ready for your damn explanation."
"Hayley..." he tried to say.
"Don't Hayley me. Just go! Now! If you really cared about me you'd leave me alone, Josh!" I almost cried, I didn't mean what I said, but it's what came out.
He nodded slowly in defeat and started to walk away. The choked up guilt had crept to my throat and I felt as if it was trying to suffocate me. What did I do. The pride swallowed me whole, didn't it?
What perfection was there in pride?
That next school week, Josh didn't show up once.

My Heart CH.24

2009-01-31T12:52:00.000-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story CHAPTER 24

The rain washed down over Franklin the morning the band held their first day of auditions. Unfortunately, more people who didn't play bass showed up than those who did. "I'm sorry," Hayley began, staring up at the blond haired girl who stood in the middle of the Farro living room, "our band isn't looking for a singer right now. We are looking for bass players." The girl's eyes fell to the floor and her face flushed red, embarassment enveloping her as she exited. Hayley sighed. "Don't people know how to read anymore?" she asked, picking up one of the posters we had made. "It clearly says we need a bassist!" Josh simply chuckled, he was taking this a lot easier than Hayley was at the moment. He pressed a kiss into the crook of her neck and it was almost enough to calm the nerves that churned in her stomach. "We'll get through the day, Hayles. Next!"

After three whole days of school, homework, and trying to go through the bass auditions, the band had almost given up altogether. Hayley was more frustrated than the rest because she really wanted this band to follow through and be amazing. Her goals for the band were out of this world, almost too large for anyone to comprehend, but they didn't get in her way when it came to what she wanted. But they needed a bassist to achieve all that. By the fourth day, Hayley had almost called off auditions.

But an idea hit her right as she woke up one morning.

"You guys will love him, I swear!" Hayley promised, running out the door. A black van appeared in the driveway and Hayley jumped up, running towards it. "Jeremy!" she hollered, running into a guy's arms. Josh stared back, feeling awkward.

JOSH'S POV:
The dude looked so strange. He was tall, blond, and way too skinny to be normal. He gave the impression of "hippe" with his many plastic bracelets on his wrists and his neon colored shoelaces. He had a bandana wrapped around his forehead, framing his angular face. Was Hayley crazy?

The girl rushed back to me with a look illustrating more excitement than I ever saw before. Intertwining her fingers with mine, she stood on her toes and put her lips up to my ear. "Don't worry, he isn't insane. Just listen to him play," she whispered, as if she read my mind somehow. Although I was less inclined to believe that was true, Hayley's biting-her-lower-lip expression had my questions dissipating somewhere off in the atmosphere.

"Hey dude!" Zac called, holding out his free hand. "Nice to meet you, man!"
Jeremy nodded and raised his eyebrows. "So you guys are Hayley's new band?" he asked.
"I got together with them," Hayley began, "because Josh and I wrote songs together, and not very long after, we had a pile of them. I could show you, if you want."
Jeremy followed us into my house as Hayley grabbed a handful of songs we had been working on. "It's not final, we are obviously still writing, but I know you'll get into right away like with our previous band."
Hayley paused and thought something to herself before snapping back into the situation. "I know you can write amazing things for us, Jerm. Just hear us play! You'll get your mind working on by then," Hayley said.
"Let's go!!" Zac yelled, rushing over towards his drums. "We'll play you the song Pressure. Tell us how you like it!" Jeremy sat against the couch as Zac and I began to play the beginning. "Tell me where our time went," Hayley sang, sounding even better than before.
She must have really wanted to impress this guy.

After the final ring of the guitar and the echo of Hayley's voice rang through the house, we stopped, waiting for Jeremy's rection. I placed my guitar against a stand and leaned against my living room wall, arms crossed.
"Wow," Jeremy said, his eyes wide. He looked impressed, even sounded impressed. "It was awesome, really. And I think I know what I'll play for that. Hang on, I'll be right back."
As Jeremy rushed out the door, Hayley flashed a bright grin towards Zac and me. "This could be really good for us!" She said excitedly. "Actually, I know it will be, because Jeremy seriously is amazing. You guys should just hear him! I should know, I mean we've played in the same band together already. Don't you remember, Josh?"
I thought back to when Hayley sang live shows with that separate funk band from a while back. Thinking back further, I remembered that skinny bassist they had, and Jeremy's face had already come rushing back into my head. "Oh, yeah!" I said, realizing it just now.
Jeremy came running in with a bass in his hands. As he got set up on the couch, he began to strum a simple melody that sounded like Pressure. As he progressed through the song, he made barely any mistakes, really no mistakes, and had his own little groove going. Hayley smiled the entire time he was playing, glancing my direction and nodding every now and then. "You've got mad skills, dude!" Zac exclaimed as he finished. I nodded in agreement, no reason to object. "He does."
"What did I say?!" Hayley asked me, with such a sarcastic bite to her words that I could barely take her seriously.
"He is pretty great," I answered definitively. And I wasn't lying. The dude was amazing. Finally, maybe things would work out with our band.

Throughout the rest of the week Jeremy had so cleverly written his own bass parts for each and every song we did. And the two of us had become friends. Actually, faster than I had ever anticipated. Once you get past the looks, he wasn't such a bad guy. He was funny, even. He and Zac always played around every chance they got. Hayley and I continued focusing on the music. Soon enough, the March dance was coming up at school.

Hayley called a band meeting Saturday morning at my place. She had sounded much too excited for her own good, so there was definitely something up her sleeve.

"Are you sure?" I asked her, doubting the plan.

"Yeah! Super sure! I know we are ready for it. And I miss playing live!" Hayley answered.

"It does sound like a pretty good idea," Jeremy chimed in.

"Dude, we are so ready!" Zac added, placing a hand on my shoulder. I frowned. Nobody was really agreeing with me here and were trying to convince me otherwise.

"It's just a school dance. Big deal. They won't care," Hayley announced, sounding sure. "The school is looking for a local band and this is our shot. We can see how people like our music. If we really do sound as good as it seems."

"Well yeah..."I said slowly, "but what if they hate us?" Hayley walked over to me and took me in her arms. "Josh, that's kind of saying I'm a bad singer." Hayley's eyes turned wide and she pouted, also stroking my hair in the process. I groaned, completely weak to the looks and the carressing that this girl had put me through. It was an advantage on her part, and I just had to get passed it before I gave in to everything. Not that I minded it much, anyways. "Fine," I finally said, a hint of a whine in there, agreeing to all of this. Zac cheered and called us all into a group hug. "To the Hot Wheels!" He said.

"Hot Wheels?" Hayley, Jeremy and I said synonymously.

"Yeah! It's our band name!" Zac replied.

Jeremy shook his head. "No way, dude."
I agreed. Hot Wheels did not embody nor express anything we were about. "We still haven't named our band," Hayley pointed out, her lips morphing into a straight, firm line. "I have no idea what to name our band," she concluded.

"There's got to be something cool we can name it. It's not like we'll be stuck on one name, we can change it up every time until we like something," Jeremy said.

"Yeah...but if you guys can't find a name can we do Hot Wheels?" Zac asked.

"No!" The rest of us said in unison.
Zac frowned, his face crumpling up. "Fine, then! Jeez!"
Hayley laughed at Zac. Soon enough, we all were laughing.

"I can't do this!" I wailed, sitting tightly against a chair. We seemed to be behind the stage, just about ready to play. The rest of the band huddled around me.

"What do you mean, Josh?" Hayley asked arrogantly.

"I can't do this! We can't play live right now! I can't!" I repeated, almost yelling. I felt my face burn red. Heat; slick and hot, flushing my cheeks.

"Josh, calm down! Of course we can do this. We are already ready. We've practiced! How can you say you aren't ready?" Jeremy said, as the rest of the band nodded.

"Dude, don't bail now! It's our first show and you're just going to ditch?" Zac asked me, a slightly angry lilt to his already frustrated voice.

"I said I can't do it! I can't! We need lots of time to work it out! We aren't ready!" I yelled.

I woke up, taking a big gulp of air as I sat up in my bed. I looked around my room, everything was fine, we weren't backstage at school, we weren't going to launch into our show. My lungs were filled with...fire. I felt sick. That dream got my heart racing, my chest aching, I almost had to reach for the air that felt so distant to me. I took tiny breaths as I turned and checked the clock. It was 6:12 AM, and today was Thursday. Tomorrow was the dance. And we had been practicing all week now. I wiped the sweat of my forehead as I sat up. What an insane dream. It felt too real, like it had happened, like it was reality...but hopefully none of it was. I felt like a total idiot just then. I definitely needed some water to calm myself down.

HAYLEY'S POV:
I dashed quickly and made my way to the Farro house down the street from mine. Today, we were going to miss the school day to rehearse. Skipping was never huge on our to-do list, but you gotta do what you gotta do when in a band.

"Band practice time!" I said in a little girl's voice as I pounded hungrily against the door. Zac opened it, still in his pajamas. "Why so early? It's 9 AM!" He complained, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. I sighed. "Zac, 9 AM isn't early anymore. It's late morning, basically. Come on, we need to get some band time in. Tomorrow is our first ever show!"
"But what if I don't want to practice right now?" He added. I rolled my eyes and made my way inside the house.
"Here," I said, tossing him a granola bar I found on their dinner table, "eat up and get energized. Your going to need it. I really don't want to mess this up." I took out my phone and dialed Jeremy's number.
"Hello?" A voice groaned on the other line.
"It's Hayley. I'm calling for a band practice. You have to be here...well, now."
Jeremy groaned and grunted, there was shuffling noise in the background that I figured to be his feet against the carpet. "Hayley! I kind of want to sleep in today," he said.
"No complaining, Jerm! Just get over here. Tomorrow is our first show."
"I know, Hayley. Shouldn't you all be in school right now anyways?" he asked, getting off topic. "We aren't going to go to school today, Jerm," I replied, "I called a practice. Now please, please, please can you get over here?"
Jeremy sighed loudly and I heard the faint sound of a sink running against a bathroom sink. "Be right there," he muttered.

Once Jeremy had arrived, the living room had been set up for our practice, the couches pushed against the walls and the rest of the junk placed in a temporary spot. Zac was still chewing on some cheese and holding a drumstick in his unoccupied hand.

"Okay, I'm thinking we should start with Pressure," I said, writing out a possible set list. "I really want to capture that whole up-and-down feel. We should start with something energetic, tone it down, and then rise it up."

"Can we add My Heart to the set?" Josh asked. I looked back at him with a smile, reminiscing on the first time he had ever played the song for me. The memory was so completely vivid. I recalled it perfectly--his guitar in his slightly calloused hands, his fingers strumming, his voice smooth and velvet.

"Yeah, we can," I agreed.

"It's going to only be a five song set list, and then the next band playing will take over," Zac pointed out from behind his drums.

"We better pick the best songs then," Jeremy added.

I nodded. "Yeah," I snapped into a quick thought process and thought over what could bring the crowd to their feet. We had a decent amount of songs written out, the only thing now was to see what would catch people's attention. "Can we add Here We Go Again for the second song?"
The rest of the guys nodded along. "My Heart will definitely be last, though. I want to end it with a good, strong song."

"Woah can be thrown in there too," Josh began, "and then Conspiracy. There. I think we've got our set list."

We all agreed as we wrote it down. Thinking about the ingenious guitar riffs that Josh had written up, the bass groove and the perfect drum beats that Zac had created, I had no doubt about the perfection of this show. It would be wonderful.

The nerves had begun to wash over me right as we stood behind the curtain. I was in front of the microphone, and Josh was on my right, Jeremy on my left, and Zac behind. Josh smiled lopsidedly at me as I held the mic stand nervously in my hands. The curtain began to pull open, and it was right then that I realized the size of our crowd. I recognized a few faces, but almost everyone in the school knew me as the girl who dated Josh Farro, nothing less, nothing more. There was something completely wrong with that. They had to see more of me, and this might just be the opportunity to do that. I hope I don't disappoint tonight.

"Hey guys," I began, my voice shaky. I took a quick breath and remembered not to show my fear. I wasn't going to be any more afraid than I already was. "So who's ready for a fun filled dance tonight?" The crowd went wild. Their reaction sent my heart racing a brisk pace. It wasn't fear anymore, not really. It was pure adrenaline that infused my lungs with the snarling happiness that was just about ready to escape me. "Alright!" I agreed, voice louder, more clearer now. "We've got some awesome bands playing for tonight's dance. But for now, I'm Hayley, that's Josh," I began, gesturing to the right side, "that's Jeremy," I continued, gesturing towards our bassist. I turned quickly and raised my hands. "And that is Zac Farro!" I yelled excitedly. Zac beat against his drums quickly before the lights turned off. With the beginning riffs and the ring of the guitars echoing through the speakers, the lights flashed back on, the spotlight hanging over me. I let my voice belt out as loud as I could, and slowly but surely the fear had trickled away into nothing at all.

By the beginning of My Heart, I was ready to just let everything out. The crowd was going wild with each song, dancing energetically. "Okay," I said into the microphone, breathing heavily, "this is our last song of the night." The crowd went "aww" with a genuine disappointment that I was quite surprised to hear. I couldn't help but smile that they were sad to see us go. They must have really liked us.
"Don't worry," I said, "we promise we will be back!"
The crowd roared.
"We'll see you around," I said, as the lights turned off again. The band started up the beginning of My Heart as I sang softly into the microphone. By the end of the song, the crowd had applauded so loud my ears felt as if they'd be unresponsive after tonight. "Thank you!" I thanked them, and with one last gap-toothed smile, we headed out.
We exited off the stage and into the backstage area. Josh embraced me, picked me up, and swung me around the room. I laughed along, enjoying it, the thrum of adrenaline still pulsing in my veins. When he finally put me down, the rest of the band huddled together. "We were awesome!" Zac exclaimed. Bright smiles were on each one of our faces. I felt my stomach grumble. "Who's up for some fried chicken?" I asked. The rest of the band nodded happily as we walked and into the parking lot.

That night, that one amazing live show, was too good to be true. And soon enough, we were already booking other shows in schools and small areas outside of Nashville. The band was off to an amazing start. Who would have thought after starting off in Franklin without any friends or confidence, that I'd end up here? This was definitely an unexpected blessing.
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This is irrelevant but I just started a new fanfic up on buzznet, the link to the first chapter is here. If you'd like please check it out and leave comments. Thank you!

My Heart CH.23 (Part 2)

2009-01-28T21:06:00.000-08:00

My Heart:
A Joshayley Story
CHAPTER 23 (PART 2)

JOSH'S POV:
I looked over at the alarm clock next on Hayley's bedside table. It read 5:32 AM. I sighed and rolled back to the other side, looking straight into Hayley's closed eyes. Even in her sleep the cuteness remained, she held with her an air of sweetness that simply could not be ignored. I stroked her bright hair softly, hoping not to wake her, but that plan did not work so well. Once I placed a hand on her, her eyes had started to open and a smile was creeping up across her lips. I smiled back. "Morning," I whispered softly. "I love you." She stroked my

face with her hands and leaned in closer. "I love you, too," she said, while placing a soft kiss on my lips. Her smile came out again, shining bright. She let out a soft yawn before closing her eyes. "It's too early," she mumbled, cuddling up in my chest. I placed a hand on her back and held her near. "Go to sleep. It's Saturday." I played around with the mess of her hair before finally drifting back to sleep.

I felt Hayley's body shift back and fourth as she mumbled little words in her sleep. "Mmm..Josh," she whispered, her eyes still closed. Her brain must have been caught up in a dream. "Ugh...Blair," she mumbled. The sound of Blair's name alarmed me suddenly, realizing I was going out with her still. And I didn't ask to break up with her yet, meaning that right at this very moment I was cheating. Never had finally being with Hayley disgusted me as it did now. I shook Hayley softly, trying to wake her up. I needed her girl advice, and now, before this entire thing crashed and burned. She groaned and squirmed around before finally waking up.
"What?" she asked, irritated.
"I need to break up with Blair."
Her eyes fluttered wide open, shock and surprise illuminating her face. "You didn't break up with her yet?!" She cried. I shook my head in shame. "Josh!" she yelled, her fists slamming into my stomach. "Ouch!" I cried, rubbing it in response. She bit her lip. "Sorry. But Josh, you're basically cheating on her right now. I feel so dirty!"
"I know, I know," I answered, agreeing with the sentiment. "That's exactly what I need to do now." I rolled over to face the bedside table and grabbed my phone. "Okay. Shut up," I told her.

I dialed Blair's number hesitantly, my hands shaking. I felt Hayley's eyes watching me, every movement, which made concentration a bit hard to achieve at the moment. Blair's innocent voice rang on the other line. "Josh?" She asked. "Y...yeah. It's me," I started. Hayley looked nervous, too. "I'm kind of...well, I don't know how to say this." I heard Blair pause. She did not give me any reassurance or response on the other end of the line; all I could hear were her evenly spaced breaths. "I'll just come out and say it then," I continued. "Blair...I'm...well I'm..." I couldn't make the words come out and sound like something reasonable. Hayley took the phone out of my hands. "Blair," she began, as I gaped at her, wide eyed, "Josh wants to break up with you."

I gulped. I heard Blair's voice raise on the other line. Hayley almost smiled, and turned on the speaker just for my own amusement, I guessed. "I guess he found someone else," Hayley continued. Despite the pity I felt for the poor girl, who I did feel guilty for cheating on and forgetting about, mind you, I couldn't help but laugh along.
"Tell him to forget the shoes I was going to get him! And everything else he asked for! Tell him forget it!" Blair yelled. Hayley smirked and rolled her eyes.
"Blair, I know how you feel," Hayley said. "Josh is in bed with me right now, too."
My eyes widened, dilated almost to the point where they felt as if they'd pop out of my sockets. Who would have the guts to add that in? This was inappropriate as is, and Hayley, determined, proud Hayley, had to throw that in. "Blair, I guess there was no real love in your relationship anyways. There's a guy out there for you, okay?"

Blair continued screaming.

Hayley stuck out her tongue and covered her ears. She mouthed Blair's words as Blair yelled out into the phone, it was rather unpleasant, but Hayley's mocking was hilarious. I couldn't help myself, the supressed laughter was already creeping up my throat, and I finally burst.
"Bye Blair!" Hayley called, hanging up.
She began to laugh too, and held me in a hug. "There, Josh! She's gone!" She said against my chest, in between bursts of luaghter.
I kept laughing, feeling extremely alive. Once the laughter had died down, Hayley spoke.
"I guess that's one problem that's over with."
I nodded my head, still holding her. "There's still Jaelyn," I pointed out.
Hayley sighed loudly. "Jaelyn," she repeated. "Hate her!" We said in unison.

We looked at each other in surprise. "Jinx!" Hayley said, grinning. She grunted softly as she got out of bed. I followed her downstairs. "So what's the plans stored for this weekend?" I asked her. She placed a finger on her chin and her eyes stared up at the ceiling. Her eyes finally locked with mine and she shrugged. "I don't know," she answered. "I guess we're going to have to make it up as we go along." Hayley walked over to the kitchen cupboards, pulling out a pancake mix.
"Ooh..pancakes!" I exclaimed, walking over to her side. "I'll help, if I can."
She smiled as she opened up the box and took out a mixing bowl. "Here, follow the directions. I'll heat up the stove," she said, handing me the bowl. I read the directions and began to pour in the mix. "Do I put the milk in first or mix the flour?" I asked. "Mix the flour?" Hayley repeated, sounding surprised. "You don't mix the flour, Josh," she said, pouring in the milk, "You mix the milk in and add eggs and stuff. Like it says on the box."
I nodded, leaning in to give her a quick peck on the cheek. She looked up at me, her face glazed over with surprise, but there was no sign that she was angry at me for it. She leaned up and stood on her toes to kiss me back on the lips. I leaned forward, so she didn't have to use her toes just to reach my height. Curving a hand around the small of her back, we walked, no loss of contact, against one of the walls. Hayley pressed her back against it and I pressed myself against her, her lips moving along with mine.

The door swung open and a man entered.

Hayley's head turned to the side and she froze in place as she stared at the figure that had entered through the door. "Dad?" she asked, the word choked up.
Her father stared back at us in disgust, walking three steps forward. "Who is this?" He scoffed, unimpressed, finger pointed towards me. I instinctively pulled away from her and stayed quiet.
"This is...m...my boyfriend. Josh."
I held out a hand, but he refused to take the attempt at civility. He just nodded and glared at me. And in that moment it felt as if the air in the room had gone out a window, the oxygen leaving both Hayley and I to suffocate.

Her mother appeared.

"What are you doing here?" She asked as she caught sight of Hayley' dad, illustrating the theme of unwelcome with every word and action. "Well this is still my house. Who said I couldn't check in on you all? I still have the damn key," her dad shot back.
Hayley's mother scoffed, shaking her head in disapproval. I could feel Hayley cringe beside me, struck with fear.
"You aren't welcome anymore, so please go," her mother said, to the point where her voice was building up to a scream. She placed her hands on his chest and began pushing him backward. "I just wanted to check in on Hayley!" He screamed at her, situated in his spot. "And now I see she's with this boy?!" His hands darted toward me.
"Go..now!" Her mother finally yelled, shaking the house's foundations. Hayley began to cry, burying her face into my chest and holding on to me like her life depended on it. I placed a hand around her, but her father screamed out at me. "Get your hands off of my daughter!"
"Sir," I began, trying my best to create the facade of calmness.
"No, Josh," Mrs. Williams replied in a gentle manner, looking at me.
Her eyes flew back toward Hayley's dad, who stood there with obvious rage, he looked as if he was just about ready to explode. "Get out of my house and don't cause trouble with my daughter!"
Her father swore at us both in a loud voice, one that caused Hayley to tremble against my chest, shaking.
He rushed toward the door, threw the keys at Hayley's mother, and slammed it shut, the ring of the door echoeing throughout the entire household.

And all was silent.
It was a bit hard to settle back into peace after witnessing the events that just transpired. The silence seemed strange, unwanted. But I wasn't going to complain.

Hayley sniffed, still pressed against me, and wiped her eyes.
Her mother whispered something to herself that I couldn't make out.
"Josh, it's okay. Take care of Hayley," Mrs. Williams told me. All I could do was nod, but I'm sure my placid facade failed to conceal the tumult of my mind.
Ms. Williams headed upstairs in silence.

Hayley finally spoke, her words sounding laboured, her voice barely loud enough to be considered a whisper. "Josh I'm so sorry." Right then she buried her face in her hands, wet tears staining her porclein skin. I took her hands, enclosed them around mine, and almost cried myself. "It's fine. Hayley. Shh."

---

"That's nice," Hayley said, gesturing toward the papers. We were in my living room with Zac, trying to write something, inspiration just ready to be grabbed any second. "But it needs a nicer riff," she added. I wrote some notes down, taking her advice, and Hayley studied them. "Okay, that's better," she said, nodding.
Zac began playing his rhythm on the set, sounding awesome, as always.
"Okay, let's take it from the top," Hayley announced, picking up the paper. "One, two, three, four!"
I began to strum as Zac played along, and soon enough Hayley chimed in with the lyrics her ingenious brain had come up with. "I've hoped for change, and it gets better everyday. I've hoped for change, but still I feel the same. There's something wrong, 'cause everybody knows that we can do this on our own! And we got everybody singing: WOAH! WOAH! WOAH! WOAH!"
By the end of the song, Zac and I had smiles on our faces, completely distraught by the amazing voice of the redhead lead singer in front of us, but Hayley did not look satisfied. "We need something else," she said, scratching the back of her head. "We need a bass player."

By the end of the day, Hayley and I had already hung up what seemed like a hundred posters for the auditions we would hold all throughout the week. After the final poster, I exhaled in exhaustion, placing my back against the tree we posted it up on.
"Oh come on. We're done putting the posters up!" Hayley exclaimed, her hands on my shoulders. She then, to my surprise, pushed me aside and began to climb up the tree.
Hayley swung her legs over a branch and sat upon the bough of the large tree, the thickness of it sufficient to hold her weight.
"Going to join me?" Hayley asked persuasively, eyebrows raised. I gave in and began to climb, sitting there with her. The view from above wasn't bad at all, the fields and tennis courts of the Tennessee park could be viewed from up here. "Aren't you scared to fall?" I asked her, looking down, the distress creeping in. "It depends. Will you catch me?" Hayley asked, applying the question to herself.
"Of course," I replied.
"Then no, I'm not afraid," Hayley answered decidedly.
We paused for quite a while, just taking in the entire scene and letting the breeze caress our skin. It was silent until I leaned in, kissing her softly, and she responded. I pulled away as I realized I was nearly losing my balance. Hayley laughed against my lips and shook her head. "C'mon, let's get down from here."

The following day would be the first day of auditions. Time to meet the lucky 32 who had signed up to audition for us at my house. It's going to be a long day.
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Yep, new character coming in next. Since the auditions are going to be for bass players, we all know who will show up. :) I need to be more clever with these ideas haha. Well, as always, I'd love to hear thoughts and reactions. You guys are seriously the best readers ever. I'll be sure to leave in messages and replies in the comments for you guys...so please check the comments to see if I left a reply for you!

My Heart CH.23 (Part 1)

2009-01-26T17:14:00.001-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story

CHAPTER 23 (Part 1)

just wanted to thank createthejoy from Buzznet for the banner that you see above! also, "Friend" by Kaitlyn and "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World are the theme songs for this cutesty, extra long chapter. :D

HAYLEY'S POV:
I turned away from my open window and let the sunlight's heat touch the bare skin of my back. Though I wanted to believe this was nothing but a dream, nothing but a sweet dream that I knew was too good to be true, the boy laying sound asleep next to me proved that all this--all this--was real.
I studied his beautiful features closely, my eyes fixing intently on those lips of his. I stroked my hands through his dark brown hair, desperate to feel them again. His eyelids flew open at the moment of contact, revealing his amazing brown eyes.
"Morning," he whispered, the corners of his mouth curving upward into a beautiful smile. I had to return that smile, yes, had to, because if this was the beginning of us being back together I would not run away from it. He made me feel things I couldn't explain, and this was love, it truly was, and there was no way to deny it.
I recieved him as expected, with a complete genuine smile that I hoped would was sufficient to show him the complete enthusiasm inside of me.
"Good morning," I replied, completely giddy and weak in his hands. He pulled me in closer, chest against mine, curling around me perfectly. I giggled.
"I'm sorry. For everything, love," he whispered in a sultry, yet apologetic tone, snapping into all seriousness.
I closed my eyes and sighed, my head buried into the crook of his neck. "I guess I'm going to have to forgive your mom. Not you. I should be sorry. It wasn't your fault."
I looked up at him and took in his brown, sympathetic eyes, there was still some coldness in them and obvious skepticism showed through his features. I kissed him then, lips against his for a long while. I was in a daze when we pulled away.
"I'll be back after brushing my teeth," I said as I broke free, getting out of bed, completely exposed in front of him. For some reason that did not bother me, he and I already shared our night, exposed, and it was completely comfortable now. Absurd, yet completely reasonable, I must admit. I pulled a robe on and entered the bathroom.

Once inside, I had time to myself. I looked into the mirror, my hair a tangled mess, completely washed with dizziness, but no, I was not guilty for last night's events. I didn't regret anything...everything he did was right. I thought back to the events and smiled even wider at my reflection. I quickly brushed my teeth and rinsed. When I got back into the bedroom, he wasn't there anymore. "Josh?" I called, worried he had left. "Down here!" he replied. His voice had me all smiles once more.
I ran downstairs, and found him digging through my refrigerator. "I have cereal," I suggested, joining him. He placed a quick peck on my cheek and grabbed my waist with both his hands, twirling me around the kitchen. "Josh! Put me down!" I yelled. When he finally had, I pouted. "You just don't know how happy I feel right now," he exclaimed, taking a deep and refreshed breath. I chuckled. "I know, me too." I heard the lock turn and the door swing open. My mom entered through the door with a yawn, and her eyes fell on Josh and I, me in a robe, Josh in nothing but his tee-shirt and pajamas. "Do I want to know what happened?" she asked, confused, yet she was so tired that I doubted she could even see straight. Josh and I looked at each other and smiled. "I'll tell you everything later," I promised. My mom let out another yawn. "I'm so tired. Hayles would you mind making your own breakfast?" I shook my head. "Mom, you go rest," I requested. "I can take care of myself."

Though the eggs didn't turn very sunny side up, and the toast was a little burnt, I didn't want to be any other place in the world except with Josh and in that kitchen. Josh's stomach growled. "Breakfast is ready, Josh, don't worry," I called. He sat on the kitchen table and joined him, placing everything down in a plate. "Mmm...honey, it looks delicious," he said, mimicking the voice of a married man, acting as if we were already a couple bound together forever by matrimony. I simply giggled.
He quickly bit into something. "Not bad," he said, smiling up at me. I took a piece of toast and sat on his lap. "Hey, I'm eating!" he said. I giggled happily and wrapped one arm around his neck. "Yeah, well your going to have to deal with me for now." I watched him swallow his food and then leaned in to kiss him. He didn't stop me, and before long the kiss became a make out session in the morning. I pulled away and smiled as he leaned in for a few seconds and realized I wasn't kissing back anymore. He opened his eyes. "What happened? Why'd you stop?" He asked. I laughed. "We need to get to school now," I said.
"I have no other clothes," Josh said.
"True. But if you rush to your house and change, maybe we can make it," I suggested.
"What if we just not go to school? Skip it, to be together for one day?" He smiled up at me and gave me that puppy dog expression. It was, inevitably, my weakness. I tried my best not to let a grin sweep my face, but that expression was just too much.
"Ugh!" I cried, frowning. "Once again, I hate when you do that!" Josh smiled to himself, taking pride in his victory. "I'm going to take that as a yes," he said. "Now go get changed, because we're going to be out all day," Josh added.
"I could say the same for you," I replied, eyeing him up and down. "Yeah," he agreed, looking at himself. "I'll be back, Miss Hayley Williams." And with that he bowed gallantly and strode out of my door.

A loud--and, might I add, obnoxious--knock startled me as I lay flat on the couch with plain clothing on. It felt like ages since he had left, hours had passed with no reply. I jumped to my feet. "I'm taking you hiking," Josh said as I opened the door. "Hiking?" I asked, not very willing to go. "It's not that far. And it's really amazing what's going on up there." I bit my lip. "Oh come on!" Josh pleaded, his puppy dog face forming. "Stop!" I yelled abruptly. "I don't want to be overpowered by the look," I finger quoted 'the look' and then rolled my eyes. "Let's go," I said, groaning.

After forty five exhausting minutes of trying to hike up a nearby hill, I was pretty much sweating to the max. It felt as if it was one of the longest walks I'd ever had to endure in my lifetime. Josh grabbed my hand and helped me up a slope, my feet finally reaching the top of the hill. I hunched my back and grabbed my knees, panting.
"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad." I heard Josh say, walking toward something.
As I started to place myself upright, Josh rushed to my side and covered my eyes.
"What the hell? Josh!" I screamed, grabbing for his hands that were now flat against my eyes, struggling to pry them off. "Trust me on this one. I'm didn't exhaust you for no reason. I'll lead you. Come on."
I felt my feet move against the grass, and finally settle on a softer, flatter, less bumpy surface. "What is this?" I asked, not able to wait any longer. Josh removed his hands. I found myself looking over a gorgeous view of Franklin, the entire town in front of my very eyes, and standing on a white and red classic picnic blanket.
"Surprise!" He yelled. I was speechless. Words couldn't describe how great Tennessee looked at this high point.
"You've surprised me too much, sir," I exclaimed, taking a breath and losing myself in the complete beauty of the entire scene. Josh laughed, standing beside me and gripping my hand. "I got my mom to make us cheesecake and a lunch. Sorry it took me so long to get back. I set this up for us...that's the best excuse I can give." He shrugged like there was nothing to this.
I shot him a appreciative look, then leaning my head against his shoulder. "I love it," I whispered, then wrapping a hand around his waist.
"I thought you would." Josh smiled.

I took another bite of the cheesecake his mother had made. I licked my lips again.
"This is so good," I exclaimed, chewing.
Josh smiled, taking a huge piece with his fork. "I know." He popped a piece into his mouth. "Mmm."
I stroked the cheesecake with my index finger and hastily rubbed it over the end of Josh's nose. "Hey!" He yelled, no sign of irritation, but instead amusement.
I got up, preparing to run. He chased me around and pounced on me, both of us falling to the soft grass in a heap of laughter.
"Oh Hayley," he began, placing a chaste kiss on my lips as he lay on top of me. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the kiss before he pulled away. I let my hand slip to the back of his neck as I pulled him into me for another kiss. When he finally broke away, he smiled at me.
"Did I tell you that I was the one you kissed during Amanda's spin the bottle game?"
I pushed him off me, and propped myself on my elbow, staring at him. "I kind of figured," I replied. "No one else can kiss as well as you do. No one else can make me feel as you do."

Josh stroked my cheek. "I love you," he whispered.
Though I was positive of this truth, and I had acknowledged it to be true and real before and said it to myself countless times, it was very different when I heard him say it to me directly. This was the first time, and with those words came an air of shock and happiness. This was such a perfect moment that I couldn't help but burn with complete contentment inside of me, smiling ridiculously wide and leaning in to be right in front of his face. Staring into his eyes, I replied, "I love you too." He flashed a bright smile and kissed me again, his mouth warm against mine. I really did love him, there was no way to deny that fact, no way to avoid it because it would chase me until I admitted it. I was so glad that this was the place he and I confessed our feelings to each other. Perfection. Pure perfection.

Josh and I rocked to "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World atop that hill as we danced, the soft music and light wind swaying us in a synchronized rythym. It was becoming darker. We danced as the sun set, setting it's own natural spotlight for us. My head was rested on his strong shoulder, and my body against his. It was absolutely perfect. He often brushed my hair with his fingers or placed one hand on the back of my head as he sighed to himself happily. Once the song ended, I nearly cried.

"Hayley?" he asked, hearing my obvious sniff, reacting to the sound of it immediately. "What's wrong?"
I brushed a single tear away and smiled. "Nothing, I'm just happy," I announced. He cupped his hands around my face and kissed me softly. "I love you," he whispered to me, after breaking away. "I love you, Hayley," he repeated. "Ah! God, I love saying that. I love you! I love you Hayley Williams!!" he yelled, pulling me to him and grabbing my hands, dancing around. I laughed as he dragged me along in a happy dance.
"Okay! Okay!" I said, stopping him. "Do that again and all of Franklin will know we are dating," I said.
"Wait, just because the day is done, doesn't mean I'm done yet," Josh said, running toward his guitar case.

He unzipped it and pulled out an acoustic guitar. "I wrote you this," he said, pulling out a piece of paper. He handed it to me. My Heart was written across the top, and little drawings of hearts around it.
He began to strum the guitar softly as I listened. "I am finding out, that maybe I was wrong..." he began, continuing. His voice was soft against the chords of the acoustic guitar. By the chorus, I had joined in, sitting by his side. Josh stopped suddenly, still strumming, as I continued to sing with my whole heart.

By the last line, I was breathless. I looked down and back up at him, giggling. "Amazing," I said, hugging him. "Joshie--this is ah-mazing!!"
Josh wrapped one arm around me as I climbed into his lap. "I don't even need to go home. Tonight, we're camping out," I murmured, digging my head into his chest.
"It's going to be cold, Hayles. Instead, why can't I just sleep over at your house?" Josh suggested, holding me tight.
"Fair enough," I replied.

After packing and returning everything back to Josh's house, we drove down the street and Josh parked in front of the community pool.
"What are we doing here?" I asked, confused.
"Come on, Hayles. The pool is at it's warmest tonight. I know that for a fact, because I've been breaking in tons of times," he replied, smiling at the thought. He was probably reminiscing on the times where he did break in.
I smiled, waving a hand in front of his face. "Come on, why now? I'm not in a bathing suit," I protested.
"It's not like you can't strip down to just your bra and undies," Josh replied, smiling wide.
I hit his face softly, laughing. "You're such a pervert!"
He laughed and took my hands. "Please?" He begged. "Just for tonight. Please, Hayles?" he repeated. I finally nodded, barely thinking. As long as I was with Josh, I'm sure everything would be fine. "Okay. Okay. But I'm not as tall as that humongous fence. How the hell can I jump over?"
"Don't worry," Josh said, pointing towards the side of the fence. "There's a ladder for employees on the far side. Stupid how they would put one out, but it just makes it easier for gangsters like us," he joked.

We both walked out of the car and climbed the ladder. Josh pulled off his clothes and smiled at me as I struggled to pull off mine. He cannon-balled into the pool and I squealed as I jumped in. Josh and I laughed as we surfaced, and he swam to my side, holding me up in the water and kissing my wet lips. That detail--the detail that my lips were wet--just made his kiss even better. We floated there, kissing passionately, desire mixed in with love and sweetness. He ran his lips along mine and imitated my mouth as I opened it. Josh's hands were placed on the back of my head, pulling me close. His other hand almost fell to my butt, but just barely. I wrapped myself against him as I moaned and made these little noises that delighted him, pacing the kiss.
We gasped together as someone yelled out at us. "Kids, get out of there! This is a public area, you know!"
I snapped back into reality and out of Hayley and Josh world as that yell startled my senses.

Nonetheless, we reacted immediately, laughing as we swam toward the edge of the pool, pulling ourselves up. Josh grabbed his clothes hastily and I pulled mine on quickly, despite me being soaked wet. Josh only pulled on his pants and we both rushed back toward his truck. The entire way driving back, Josh and I were laughing blissfully.

After refreshing myself, Josh appeared at my door yet again, in his pajamas. He held out his hand and bent his wrist, fluttering his eyes, imitating a girl. "Oh my gosh, we're going to have, like, so, so, so much fun!" he squealed, still trying to imitate a girl's voice.
I laughed and shook my head. "That's so not how girls sound!"
He laughed and wrapped one hand around my waist. "Come on," he said, yawning, "I'm sleepy now. It's been a long day."

We both walked upstairs. Mom approached us halfway there. "I'm off to night shift again, Hayles. I trust you two, okay?" she said surely, but still a hint of concern in her voice. "I don't want to find out you've become pregnant by tomorrow...or by any day, for that matter."
I smiled at my anxious mother. "Don't worry. I promise I won't get pregnant," I said.
"No promises from me, Miss Williams," Josh said, in a voice so insanely serious that my mom and I eyed him up and down with wide eyes.
"Just kidding!" He burst out, laughing after the momentary silence. "We won't do anything that I think I'll regret."
Mom smiled up at both of us and nodded, shaking her head as if it was a way to shake her worries away. "Okay. Don't worry, I'll lock the door. You two go to bed."

Josh and I climbed into bed. He sat up and pouted.
"What is it now?" I asked, yawning.
"You said you wouldn't do anything wrong with me. I hope that doesn't mean I can't kiss you."

I rolled my eyes and crawled over to where he was, leaning in and placing a quick peck on his lips. He looked adorable pouting. I began to lay, but he pulled me over to where he was again, kissing me even more deeply. I couldn't protest and pull away, because I enjoyed his kisses. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he sat up. Lightly moaning, I stroked his hair, not letting go of his lips. He licked my upper lips and placed his tongue in my mouth.

Once again, he made me feel like he did the night before. Josh and I actually did "it" that night. I'm surprised I wasn't even pregnant yet. But I continued kissing back until I was atop him, straddling him and parting my lips. He began to sit up again, and my head flung back as he planted hungry kisses against my neck. It was hard enough to leave a mark, but I didn't care one bit. Once again our lips met. This was getting a little heavy.

I pulled away, and he smiled before trying to kiss me again. I didn't let him this time. "Please tell me we won't be having babies tonight," I asked, panting heavily. "No, I promise," he replied, leaning in even more to kiss me.
"Mm...okay..." I mumbled, pulling away.
"Hayles!" Josh called, laughing a bit. "Can I kiss you now?"

I grinned and crashed my lips against his urgently. His hands ran along the sides of my waist and up my back, sending down the usual shivers and burning desires. I broke for air and straddled him, towering atop him. I opened my mouth and let him kiss back, our bodies moving, as if dancing, and kissing all at the same time. He wrapped his hands over me as we both rolled to our side and Josh had almost gotten atop me. I laughed as he tried and pushed him off.
"Why stop?" he asked, wrapping a hand around me.
"I swear we'll be doing something we'll regret at this rate!" I replied, almost giggling.
"Hayles, just a little longer?" He tried flashing that puppy dog face, but before he could, I covered my eyes.
"No! I won't be overtaken by your gorgeous puppy dog face!" Josh laughed and settled beside me. "Okay, for now," he agreed.

He turned and pulled me into a hug. After placing a soft kiss on my head, Josh sighed. "I love you. So much," he whispered.
"Boyfriend and girlfriend don't go this far," I replied.
"Maybe we should be more than that?" Josh asked, stroking the back of my head.
"Well, we aren't really having a kid right now," I began, "so let's finish school before I marry you."
"You're going to marry me?" Josh asked, startled. I looked up at him and smiled. "I want to," I replied. "We just said we loved each other today and now you're telling me you want to marry me?" Josh asked.
I felt my eyebrows knit together. "Why? You don't want to marry me?"
"No! Of course not. I want to marry you, even now I would. If only we were older. We still have tons planned for our lives, Hayles. But don't worry, one day I swear I'm going to marry you," Josh said with a wide smile.
I returned his smile and hugged him tight. "I love you too," I finally said, closing my eyes.
__________________________________________________
How'd you take it? Of COURSE it was Josh! Who else would make Hayley "burn"? :) Sorry for the bed part haha. But hey, Josh and Hayley LOVE each other now! The drama isn't done though, something is going through my head and it's going to be pretty shocking. The happiness will keep going for a few chapters though! Anyway, POST COMMENTS. I love hearing them!This is only part 1 of chapter 23 if you didn't know! Chapter 23 was too long to post up so I decided to post it in two parts. Part 2 up soon!

SHOUT OUT: (because I'm so bored I decided to post one up. Haha!)

YOUTUBE love.
Thanks to all those who have been reading and commenting. All those who comment on my channel and videos, even those who haven't checked in for a while, thanks so much. I can't list all your usernames right now because there are so many of you. But I appreciate each and every one of you, and i read each and every comment, no kidding. :)

BuzzNet love.
snoozy4 and riotlainie...You guys were the first to comment and read My Heart on buzznet! Thanks for that! snoozy4, you give awesome ideas and the comments you leave are really supportive and bring a bright lightbulb up into my head with ideas. :)

BLOGGER love.
Yeah, this is where it all began, and all you bloggers reading right now have totally lifted my spirits! Everytime I check in to see your comments I totally smile at each and every supportive comment and idea. I occasionally leave my own comment on my posts, so check in the comments to see if I left a message for you! :)

My Heart CH.22

2009-01-25T15:39:00.000-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story
CHAPTER 22

HAYLEY'S POV:
I paused as I felt that tap on my shoulder. Hopeful that it was Josh, I turned around with a smile. Unfortunately, tonight was not my lucky night. Well, most nights had the sadness of being unlucky, for that event with yelling at Josh at my doorstep (which felt like it had happened ages ago), had caused a chain reaction of unfortunateness.

The person I had the pleasure (well, not really the pleasure) of aquainting was a short boy with braces and big glasses taped together with duct tape. The sight was slightly amusing. He grinned up at me widely. "Would you like to dance with me?" he asked in a breathy voice, muffled by his braces and the stereos in the room. I smiled out of total politeness and blushed. "I was actually on my way out," I replied apologetically. He walked away as I turned toward the door, closing my eyes. "I knew tonight was a bad night," I whispered to myself. As I began to descend toward the door, a soft voice startled me. "Hayley," it announced. My heart skipped a beat...that voice. I turned around.

Josh stood tall, wearing a pink polo and nice pants. The cologne he wore was foreign to me, it seemed fancy and I'd never smelled it before, but it was wonderful and definitely suited his personality well. Fresh and sultry.
We stood in the midst of the people on the dark dance floor, though my senses were completely filled with him and only him and it was hard to believe that people surrounded us. They seemed to disappear as we stared into each other's eyes. The slow song was still playing.
"Dance with me," he offered, holding out a hand, like a gentleman. I carefully took it, and he led me to the middle of the dance floor. I locked my hands behind his neck and he placed his hands on my waist, loosely and casually. We swayed slowly, and just as we got situated, the song had ended and the deejay changed it to some fast rap song. "Crap," I whispered to myself, in hopes that wasn't loud enough for him to hear. Josh let go of me as I unlocked my hands from his neck. "See you," he said, disappearing into a cloud of people. That dance was short lived. Luke found me and approached from behind. "Hayley, we're off to Amanda's house for a party she's hosting after the dance. Want to help us set up?" His voice was muffled by the loud music, but I only nodded. If this was my escape from the torture I'd get from this place (well, mostly the torture of having Josh in the same room as me and not dancing with me and only me), than I'd simply oblige.

We arrived at Amanda's house. It was very big and situated in the corner of town where people were much more richer than normal. "It was supposed to be held tomorrow," Amanda said of the party in her posh accent, "but I decided to do it tonight. I've already invited everyone and the deejay will announce it once the dance is done. I've got some wild things planned tonight." I gulped. Amanda laughed at me and my most likely horrified expression. "Hayley, it won't be that wild. Now come help me with the balloons."

As people began to arrive, I started to get worried. What if Josh came? I'd be stuck in an even smaller environment, a single house, with him...and a million other girls most probably drooling over him and using all the flirtiness that was supressed inside of them. Why was I avoiding him? I ran through all the stupid things I've done lately, and a wave of realization came through me. There was no reason to be avoiding Josh at all. I almost laughed at it as I pondered.
Tonight, I'd talk to him.
More people greeted each other as they entered through Amanda's stain glass door, in a buzz and moving too fast that I feared there would not be enough room for everyone.
I watched from afar, well, Amanda's couch to be exact, and waited until Josh would enter through that door.
The music through the stereo boomed. Amanda stood in front of me and held out her hand, her expression excited. "Don't just sit and slump here, Hayley! Go mingle, talk to people. I can introduce you if you want." I shook my head and smiled. "I'm kind of waiting for someone," I replied. Amanda nodded and walked away. I turned my head towards the door again, watching it. As expected, it flew open and Josh, his body looking tall and his face still as gorgeous as I'd remembered it, entered. What wasn't expected was who appeared from behind, Blair Marshall. She looked pretty stunning with her short, silvery white dress and curled hair. She seemed...perfect, beside him, as if she totally belonged there because she was far more beautiful than I was.
His eyes locked with mine for a mere half second, until he had meekly turned away and was suddenly crowded with a sea of people, greeting him.
I stood up despite the crowd and tried approaching him...but my attempts were useless. There were too many people.

"Okay everyone!" Amanda called out, with a fancy glass cup in one hand, "Come to the living room for a classic party game: spin the bottle!" An explosion of frantic and excited mutters from the crowd came about as everyone walked to the living room and sat in one giant circle, some people draped on the couches, fearing the game and just watching intently. I frantically moved toward the kitchen but Luke pulled my hand and insisted I join. I sat next to him.

"Okay, it's only five minutes in the closet per person," Amanda said, standing in the middle of the circle. The scene was slightly reminiscent of that campfire I had along with Jaelyn. What embarrassment would be brought to me here?
She pulled out an empty soda bottle and placed it in the center. "Okay, let's begin!" I watched the bottle spin around wildly. People's eyes widened as it slowed, and finally pointed to the lucky winner. And it was perfect, just perfect. Me. I'm being sarcastic about the perfection of the event, mind you.
"Hayley!" Amanda exclaimed. "Okay, you know the rules. In the closet you go!" Amanda pulled out a red bandanna. "Here's your blindfold." She wrapped it around my eyes, and I was led into the closet. As she closed the door, my heart threatened to pump out of my chest. I curled into a fetus position, my back against the closet wall, as I tried to breathe. Muffled voices ran through the room and a sudden stream of light had entered the closet. Someone entered, and it was closed once more.
I turned my head instinctively towards the direction I presumed the person came from and only frowned. "Okay, you enjoy yourselves. We'll be timing." I heard Amanda say. She closed the door as my unknown man entered the closet with me. I gulped, it was the only reaction I thought right.
The person in the closet with me seemed...hesitant. His breathing matched mine, we were both nervous, it was clear, and I was glad we were on common ground. Something familiar encircled the closet...I couldn't put my tongue on it. Cologne...fresh, wonderful smelling...but the events prior to this were blurred because all my concentration was focused on this moment.

And suddenly, I was feeling his hot breath against my lips. He was closer now...and for some reason, I wanted him to close the gap between us. And finally, his lips touched mine.
The kiss was strange, with both a familarity and unfamiliarity to it at the same time. But I had never felt such a connection in such a long time. I felt my hands feel for his hair, trying to see if I remembered his features. His tongue had darted in my mouth and I felt my heart beat faster. His hands felt for my back, and we both leaned in closer to each other. I felt myself lean even more against him, and my chest touched his. We both broke for air and panted heavily. That kiss was amazing. Suddenly light broke into the dark closet as Amanda opened the door. I heard voices and rude whistles as they looked at us, locked in the position. I could feel their eyes.
The boy pulled away and he was gone in a flash, his lips unlocking from mine so hastily that I almost groaned at the loss of contact. Amanda untied the blindfold. I walked away and out the door. I had no reason to stay anymore.

That party was the buzz of the school Friday morning. But the even bigger buzz was that spin the bottle game. I heard my name and Blair's name come up in many conversations. "Can you believe who she kissed?" A girl asked during science. "Blair must be pissed," another voice said. At lunch, everyone who sat around me had some...tension, like they knew something I didn't, which I was very sure of. Nobody talked to me. I looked toward Blair and Josh's usual spot.
Wait, Josh wasn't there.
Blair, her hair still perfect and her facial features accentuated with the make up she wore, sat with some preppy girls. I looked around at other tables. Josh wasn't anywhere in the cafeteria. But where was he?

"Hello?" I called, knocking on the Farro's door after school. Zac opened it up for me. "Josh isn't home. He said he had to take care of some business," he said. "Mmm...er, okay. Can you tell him I was over? I...I really need to talk to him," I said. Zac nodded and munched on a chip before closing the door.

Around eleven PM, I dragged myself up into my dark room, disappointed I did not have one opportunity at all today to get things straight with Josh. Mom was working a night shift, and of course, dad was gone. I tried turning the lights on--my room was impossibly dark--but something brushed against me and locked the door from behind. I gasped, but a pair of lips hit mine hard. It was too dark to see anything...but this kiss had that same amazingness that came with that one at Amanda's party...and I wanted it to continue.
My eyes closed as I willingly kissed back, trusting the lips that were around mine. This person's hands moved to the small of my back, pulling me closer in. There was a sudden fire everywhere, my body feeling exhilarated and excited. He was everywhere, whoever he was.
The hard wall of my bedroom had suddenly slammed against my back, but there was no pain. I couldn't feel anything else besides a beautiful burning, a longing, the desire. I pulled him in, my hands knotting in his hair, my legs wrapping around his waist, the wall giving me the leverage I needed. And he held me up as his hands wrapped around my thighs.
His lips tasted every inch of my lips, his tongue twisting with mine. We gasped and broke for air, but his lips slammed into mine again. It was so passionate, so needed, and I pulled him in to me even closer, if that was even possible. I felt my feet on the floor again, and my hands began to pull his soft shirt off. Sudden guilt hit me as the warm skin of his body reached my fingertips. I was still fully clothed, until my tank top was yanked off quickly. This desire was way too overpowering, and my hormones had began to take over. My mind raced back to the thought that I still did not know who this guy was.
We made our way to my bed in a tangle of arms and fast paced kisses.

_______________________________________________________
Hmm...who could he be? Find out in chapter 23! Oh, and thank you so much for the supportive comments I get from you readers. Obsessed, huh? Haha, those types of comments made me crack up. :) Toward the end of this chapter it was getting a little steamy and I was a bit nervous on how to handle it. Is it too much? I'm really scared (well, nervous would be a better word) to hear thoughts! Sorry if I totally burned your eyes out with it. *crosses fingers nervously*

My Heart CH.21

2009-01-24T11:25:00.000-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story

CHAPTER 21

HAYLEY'S POV:
Nothing was more hurtful than not seeing Josh wait for me like he used to at the school parking lot. His smile had always greeted me and made the beginning of my day as good as it could have been...but now, I didn't get that. The absence of him was impossible to ignore. Now I was truly alone.

As I went toward locker 113, I placed my hand against the little 'hi' written on there. My grip on my books absently tightened and I knew I could not help but let the memory burn itself deep into my head and replay.

"I see you have my locker. Well, my locker from last year. Who would have known they'd get me locker 114...just next to my old locker. Hope you don't mind the hi written in there. The school annoyed us on not writing in the lockers, but hey, I couldn't resist. And I thought maybe it would be nice, you know?"

The flashback faded away quickly as the loud bell rang. Josh was up front, talking to Ms. Wells, reminiscent of yesterday when I was the one up there. I doubted he'd return to the back of the classroom and sit with me after yesterday's heartbreaking events...but it was all my fault and I knew that. Josh edged toward the seat in front and took the seat by Jaelyn.

P.E. was horrible. Without Josh telling me how to adjust my arms or what to do, I was helpless. We played a basketball game, our teacher giving me the constant yells and making me feel utterly hopeless. It was a nightmare, like it had been yesterday when I was filled with deadly pride and ignored Josh's pleas the entire day. During math, I had actually listened to Mr. Carter drone on. Josh wasn't in this period with me, so there was room to think. Jaelyn, her perfume completely gross and intoxicating, took a seat beside me. "Is there something wrong with you and Josh?" she whispered, as Mr. Carter talked and wrote, and though her voice was innocent and lacked any sort of suspicion, I still refused to give the full details to her.

"No," I lied.
"Well why are you two avoiding each other?"
I frowned. "It's nothing. We'll work it out."
"Okay," Jaelyn agreed, nodding, though I couldn't shake the feeling that she had wanted to know so much more, which was typical. "But why not tell me about it?"
"It's personal," I answered.
"It can't be that personal. I can keep a secret," Jaelyn insisted.
Yeah. Like you did about the other things.
"Sorry, Jaelyn. I don't want to," I answered as politely as I could, although my entire body was just about ready to explode. She--finally--turned her head back toward Mr. Carter, accepting my answer.

Josh and I were stuck in two periods together: fourth and fifth. I didn't approach him at all, and he didn't come by next to me, no contact, not even eye contact. He was tense every time we had to interact. Worse, Ms. Stokes called for a stimulation and Josh and I were stuck in a four person group together. I couldn't bring myself to work at all, because my eyes kept staring back up at him, studying his expression...and every single one worried me. I bet he knew he was being watched by me but didn't lift an eye to look back, he stared down at his work as if it was the most important thing in the world. I regretted everything I said, pushing him away instead of talking and confronting him about it like a sensible person. But I couldn't let myself go and ask, because I'm sure I would only get the same attitude I gave him what seemed like ages ago. I became clumsier without him, bumping into people and desks in the classroom foolishly. Classmates eyed my strange behavior, as I blushed slightly. The day had gone on for much too long for me to bear any longer, I had to go home and rest.

JOSH'S POV:
I took a deep breath.

Mom was in the laundry room and I needed to ask her about everything. She needed to tell me why she chose to do something like this. It was so unlike her, how could she have fallen in love with someone new, yet alone date him behind our backs? As I entered the laundry room, she smiled up at me, and it sent a rush of fear down my spine instead of reassuring me.

"Joshua," she began, "what brings you here?"
"Mmm...well, I need to ask you something," I prayed my approach wouldn't lead me to mumbling like a moron.
Mom nodded. "Sure, what is it?"
I took another breath. How could I ever bring myself to asking? After much hesitation I opened my mouth. "I...I found a note in one of your pants a few days ago...it was in your handwriting. It said you'd leave us to go meet someone." I took one single breath; my nerves were kicking in and that was definite, and my hands began to shake uncontrollably. "Mom, are you dating someone else?"

She hesitated at the exact moment I had finished asking my question, suddenly nervous, obviously, and looked straight down at the clothes she was handling. The gulp she swallowed was unnaturally loud. "I...well I don't..." she let out a long sigh, and I figured this to be defeat.
"Joshua I'm so sorry. That was a while ago. It's long over between me and him." Her sweet, familiar, motherly face had suddenly morphed into a nervous mask, her eyes suddenly glossed with tears. "I'm sorry, son."
The thought alone, the thought of my mother cheating on my own dad, who had loved her for so long, made me grit my teeth together. I glanced back at her, almost disgusted but not completely. "Why did you? Hayley found out, mom. She found out what happened with you and her dad. I lost Hayley because of this." My mother merely stood there with an expression that illustrated disbelief, completely washed with what seemed like guilt. "Mom, she hates me," I continued. "And I had to ask you about it now when you could have told us all this time. Why did you keep this from us?"

I felt my voice slowly crescendo into a loud yell. "She hates me and it's not even my fault! It's not even my fault and I'm the one she yells at. But it's your fault I lost her, mom. And now I know she's not talking to me...and I want to talk to her but I can't bring myself to because I know that she's right about you. You were horrible and tore her family apart, mom. My mother..." I gasped, the anger gripping my throat tight. "My own mother is someone who committed adultery against her own husband...and worse, kept it all a secret. You shouldn't have even done that in the first place!" I couldn't stop the words, the buried anger inside of me was bubbling up and I could suppress it no longer. "God you're a fuc--" I paused, chest heaving up and down rhythmically. I could barely choke out the words. But I did manage, and in a voice laced with dying confidence, pushed the last three words out. "I hate you."

TWO WEEKS LATER..

HAYLEY'S POV:
It was Valentine's Day in two days. And it was official: Josh and I were more than drifting apart...he came back and a new girl was draped over his arm. She was a beautiful brunette with dark green eyes, he had probably met her during our school break I guess. And for some reason I couldn't bring myself to get over him, as he was clearly over me. Why was I mad at him for something that wasn't his fault? I was so utterly, passionately irritated in myself, wanting to explode on the spot. Without Josh I was a mess. And now he was gone from me completely, moving on from our relationship that could have gone somewhere and was going the right direction.
His new girlfriend's name was Blair Marshall, a girl who moved to our school from Arizona only a while ago. She was going through a divorce and custody, and was going to spend an entire school year with her father here in Tennessee. She had also obviously gotten Josh interested in whatever she had to offer, and really, I could not blame him for being with her. She was absolutely perfect, the perfect nose, the porcleain skin, the complete beauty of her healthy hair. I would have put her in a box and sent her to go become a Barbie doll, but of course this was the real world.

During lunch Josh and Blair sat in their own spot in the cafeteria, and I sat with Luke and Amanda in our usual spot. I bit into my sandwich, trying hard to concentrate myself on something other than Josh and his Blair.
And for a moment, I was doing quite well, boring my brain into whatever Luke and Amanda were conversing about...yet the smile on Josh's face that I caught from the corner of my eye had me looking yet again.
Josh had pasted a big grin on his face while Blair talked. She obviously made him happy...and although his happiness was all I really asked for in the world, I couldn't bring myself to like it.

"Hayley?" Luke asked, waving a hand in my face. I snapped back into the conversation that didn't interest me. Luke smiled at me. "There's a dance this Friday. It's the Valentines Day dance. I was wondering...maybe you wanted to go with me," Luke said. I knawed on my lip, far too distracted my Josh to even utter a right answer to his question. "I don't know, I'm not exactly planning on going." Luke looked immediately disappointed as I revealed my uncertain answer. "We can all go together you know," Amanda suggested. "I have a date." I smiled, the urging did no good helping me reject Luke. But perhaps I would have a good time anyways, Josh had moved on and I was more than capable to do so myself, it wasn't like this was the end of the world without Joshua Farro. "You know what, maybe we all can go. I need to have some fun myself."

Amanda honked the horn of her car from outside of my house impatiently, yelling something incoherent and uncomprehendable. I merely replied with a, "I'll be right there!" from my bedroom window as I applied on the finishing touches of my eyeshadow. With one last brush I grabbed my jacket and hurried out of my house to greet them.

"You look fabulous!" Amanda exclaimed, running out from her car to hug me. I guess I did, I was in a light pink dress, nothing too frilly, it was straight and cute, completely appropriate for Valentine's Day. I sat next to Luke in the backseat. "You look gorgeous, Hayley," he commented. I didn't want to lead him on, I would do no good to myself if I did, so I smiled at him politely without any complete interest and nodded.

When we arrived, the school was already filled with students in bright pink and red outfits, some making out in the parking lot and some walking hand in hand toward the multi-purpose room of our school, the place they held most of our dances. I tried to look away and not reminisce of the times Josh and I were together as couples, acting all sweet around us, kissed and hugged. It was hard to ignore, but not impossible, and I concentrated on Amanda and Luke and every other one of my so-called friends that approached me with excited glances and talked giddily about who they wanted to dance with them.

The entire night they played a variety of songs that got me dancing, and trying to avoid Josh at all costs. Yes, he was definitely here, he was one of the first faces I caught in the dance actually. Every single time he had brushed passed me to go get wherever he planned to go, every thread of my body was strummed and sent cheap thrills throughout my system. And as slow songs played, I felt obliged to dance with Luke, and I did for one song, but there was absolutely no chemistry between us. I felt sorry for the guy, I knew he's been crushing on me for such a long time and waiting for me to finally answer him, but I simply could not. He was a good friend but not someone I would want to get into a relationship with.

"Alright everyone," the deejay had suddenly announced through his microphone, "I'm going to play another slow song. This time, please ask a girl you haven't danced with yet."
And I was sent into near hysterics as I tried to find my way out of this room. Luke took Blair Marshall with him as the song played. It seemed Josh and I were the only two left without a partner, and no, I would never accept a dance with him if I could help it. Or maybe I could...but my nerves had continually tried convincing me otherwise. I turned towards the door before I got stuck looking stupid, until I felt a soft tap on my shoulder.

My Heart CH.20

2009-01-22T20:11:00.001-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story
CHAPTER 20

Get ready for some drama.
________________________________________

JOSH'S POV:
Hayley showed up for school the next day, looking sober, her hair a tangled mess and her face sullen and creased. I didn't know exactly what to say or how to approach the entire thing. Zac wasn't helping and had no advice for me, which was a surprise.
I greeted her gently, cautiously. "You don't have to do that," she replied. Did she not like that approach? "I'm not going to let the situation change me into some depressed person. That would be a pathetic way to live."
I nodded.
"And anyways, it's my dad's fault, not my mom's. He was cheating on her with some other woman," she continued, "and I'm not supposed to be tangled up in all this. I'll hurt myself more."
She scrunched her nose at the thought, and shoved it away. "Let's just get to class."
She grabbed my hand with force, and tightened her grip. Uncomfortable, but I was glad she was ready to let everything go. Science was a lecture on genetics, but I couldn't keep my focus. There was a bit of tension in Hayley, something she wasn't letting out. Her head was caught on something else, something other than science, because every time she was called Hayley didn't know the exact answer and came off as confused. But I wouldn't ask her any questions, in time I would, but I needed to just keep it in and ask at the right time, where she was comfortable and not too angry.

I guess I let my curiosity get the best of me, because at lunch I asked her things. Well, tried to ask that is. Some of my friends drowned her in questions. Mostly about our relationship, but some of why she didn't show up. Hayley answered as calmly as she could, when I knew she was too stressed. "So what do you and Josh do after school?" Luke asked, attempting to make small talk. "We hang out. It's really typical," Hayley replied, voice montone. I figured Luke would kind of know that already. After school, when we were both finally alone, I asked her if there was something wrong.
"Nope," Hayley said. I raised an eyebrow. "Nothing? Everything is fine now?" She simply nodded. I was anticipating a better answer, a better response, but I didn't get one. "Nothing is wrong, Josh. Unless you know something I don't."
"Nope," I said, repeating her answer. She shrugged. "Okay, then. I'll just hang out with you after school, we can do homework or something." Hayley flashed me a short grin, one that didn't have much happiness in it. Her face seemed too sad, where was the energy I always looked forward to? That big gap toothed grin that knocked me off my feet?
"I'm tired," Hayley said with a yawn, snapping me out of my short reverie. "Let's just go to your house, Hayles. You need some rest."
"But Josh...I'm fine, okay? Please don't worry about me too much. I swear I'm fine. Yeah, let's, um...go to my house."

Hayley and I entered her bedroom. She threw her backpack on the bed and laid her head back against a pillow, letting out a long yawn.
"Someone is sleepy," I began, laying next to her, attempting to lighten the mood. I brushed the side of her face softly with my thumb. "You rest, Hayles," I said.
Her eyes closed as I lightly traced the outline of her jaw.
"That tickles," she whispered, smiling up at me, eyes closed. I smiled back.
"I hate school," I mentioned. Hayley giggled. "I want to quit. I think I'd like to join your band now."
Her eyes opened, looking up at me. "I want to sing again."
"Then sing," I began, "do what you love. I'd like to do that with you. We can go back to writing songs, and maybe playing our own live shows? It hasn't been long since you've sang." There was a beautiful sparkle in her eyes. "Let's do it. I really do want to sing again."
Hayley giggled again, this time her voice filled with true happiness. The real Hayley showed through. I leaned in to kiss her, and she closed her eyes and let me.

Two weeks later, I found myself digging through laundry on a Saturday morning. I couldn't find a pair of pants I was looking for. I was supposed to be at our practice building with Zac and Hayley by now, but I couldn't find a pair of stupid jeans. Hayley was on a roll, she had written so many songs with me, we could have made an album by then. It was amazing. Her spunk was back, and her bold charisma was back too. It was as if life was all fine, and her mom was doing well also. But Jaelyn--she constantly called Hayley's mother incredibly hurtful things. I remember one conversation the two had. Jaelyn heard about what happened, of course, and told Hayley she was sorry for her mother because "nobody wanted her". This pissed Hayley off, of course, but she didn't do anything and kept her cool. Jaelyn laughed along, acting like all of it was a joke, being the more mature one that she was. I couldn't take that Jaelyn. I sighed and the thought faded, as I realized that I was going to be late for practice if I didn't find those damn jeans.
I shook the clothing around me, and a protruding white piece of paper caught my eye. It was tiny, with a note that read:

Hey, I miss you. I'll be getting away from my kids soon to see you, okay?

The note was scribbled in my mom's handwriting, I would recognize it anywhere, and she signed her name at the bottom of the note. It was even sticking out of her pants in the first place. I was incredibly skeptical at first, wondering what this had meant. I thought back to all the times my when my mom didn't show up at all. What did this particular piece of paper mean? Was she cheating on my dad? I pocketed the note in a pair of jeans I finally found, but practice was a mess. Well, more specifically, I was a mess. Zac wasn't the only one who noticed. "Is something wrong, Josh?" Hayley asked me. I shook my head. "N-no."
She crossed her arms, knowing me too well to fall for my lies. "There's something wrong. I know when you hide your feelings Josh."

"No, nothing. Really," I said, trying my best to sound normal. She was right, I was hiding my feelings. But I couldn't let her know this.

Hayley scratched the back of her head. "Mm-hmm."

I stared back at her with puppy dog eyes, pouting. "Please believe me?"

Hayley's shoulders dropped and she frowned. "Alright, alright! I hate it when you do the pout look, you know. You have no clue what it does to people...especially me."

Zac laughed. "You guys are so strange together. But it's a good strange," he said. Hayley smiled back. "Thanks, and I know."

Christmas Eve came, and without a doubt I had a gift for my girlfriend. Why wouldn't I? Having her was enough, I needed to show her.
I asked around the neighborhood, asking what would be the perfect gift for a special lady. In the end I decided dressing up as Santa for her, with a bouquet of flowers, and though cheesy was written all over that, I knew she'd appreciate it.

I knocked on her door around 9 AM. When Hayley opened it, she was in her cute pajamas with messy hair, completely oblivious to what I was going to do. "I really want to sleep in today," she said, irritation in her tone. I sighed, perking up. "It's almost Christmas!! I want to take you out for breakfast."
Hayley groaned.
"Come on! We can do anything you want," I said, smiling with the widest one I could. She just gave me a pout. I grabbed her chin and tilted it up. "Smile for me! Please?" Hayley paused and began to laugh. "There it is! The precious Hayley smile!" I cooed. She smiled fully, her face glowing. "Okay, I'll let you take me out."

HAYLEY'S POV:
I dug into my pancakes as Josh still stared at the menu. Typical Josh. "Going to order yet or should I do it for you?" I asked, joking with him. "Everything just looks so good," he said. "I know. But the pancakes are usually the best," I replied, taking another bite. "Make up your mind, because once I'm done, I won't be waiting up for you anymore."
"That's ridiculous. You would wait up for me." I shook my head to prove him wrong. "I won't. Now come on! Order up, hotcakes." Josh dropped the menu and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Hotcakes?"
I giggled. "Just some girl talk...and to get you to order the hotcakes...'cause I kind of want more."
Josh flashed a gorgeous smile and sighed. "Maybe I will. I guess I have no other choice, anyways." I always had control over him, interestingly.
After breakfast, we walked together, hand in hand, around a large mall in Nashville. Josh took his car along, so today we could go wherever. "Hayles, buy what you want," he exclaimed. I stared back at him with utter shock. "What?"
"Yeah, buy whatever. I've just gotten my allowance. Well, saved it up, at least. I've got five hundred stored up...and I decided to treat you like a real guy should."

"I don't need money for someone to tell me they care," I replied firmly. "And you know, I already know you care. So you should use your own money. For yourself."

"You sure?" Josh asked.

"I'm sure. I won't buy anything."

I was wrong. And I felt so stupid. But we had entered five stores and I spent about fifty dollars on bargain items and a good twenty bucks on make up. I felt so bad, but Josh continually told me that it was okay and he didn't care. I didn't buy it, but he seemed so confident when he said that I had to trust him, so I did.

Around eleven at night, I was sitting alone at home and trying to organize the packages I got from family members. They gave me wonderful things, treasures of all kinds, but I guess my favorite was from dad, who knew what I wanted. I guess over time I forgot about everything, never forgiving him, but not hating him. He was my dad, anyways.
I was surprised he even remembered me, especially during Christmas, but I appreciated the thought. At least he didn't completely forget me...even after what he did. And he never even said why he left. He just..did. But enough about that, I needed not to dwell on the past thoughts and events.
There was a knock on my door. "Be right ther-" I said, but paused when I opened the door. What was behind it surprised me.
"Josh?"
Santa Clause frowned. "You weren't supposed to know!" He exclaimed. I laughed aloud. "What is this?"
Josh stepped inside, pulling out a bouquet of roses. "This is your Christmas gift. Early one, that is." His face flushed red, and he became fully rosy cheeked like Santa. I hugged him, burying my face into his beard. "I love my gift!" I exclaimed. I really did. "Come on outside," he said, taking my hand. "Wait..." he began. It was very windy outside. The clouds were dark, and there was a flash of thunder, from out of nowhere.
"Perfect," Josh said, happy about it.
"Why out here?" I asked.
"Because I wanted to do this."

Josh pulled off his Santa beard and gently placed his lips on mine. A drop of rain fell, and then another and another. I pulled away when the rain became heavier. "Can't we go inside?" I asked him.
He placed his lips on mine again. A smile was forming on my lips, but I closed my eyes as I kissed back. I felt his hands against my back, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, intertwining a hand in his hair. I moaned as his tongue ran along mine.
We pulled away for some air, soaking wet in the now pouring rain. "Thanks for the gift," I whispered. "Wait! It's not over yet!" He said, running towards my house. I stayed fix at my spot and watched him.

He took a two wires and connected them. In a matter of seconds my house became glowing, luminous and lit up with a dozen colors hanging from the roof, which I had never noticed because Josh had distracted me when we got back to my house. "I asked your mom to set it up while you were gone. Surprise!"
I ran into his arms, looking over my whole house. It really was a sight. Digging my head into his chest, we stood in the pouring rain looking over it with some wave of contentment in me that I couldn't explain. It really was the holidays now, and I had my own Santa to prove it.

JOSH'S POV:
I walked into school right after an awesome winter break. I spent it with Hayley, of course, writing songs and going on occasional dates. It really was amazing, because I thought we were at the golden age of our relationship. Well, it was at the point where we were so close it felt like she was my sister. And my mom and dad love her. Our parents got closer, and it seemed like there was nothing wrong.

Nothing...until the last week of January.

I approached Hayley as I walked into the school, greeting her normally, but she ignored me without a word. "Hello?" I repeated. She didn't respond and began to walk faster. "Hayles?" "Just leave me alone," she said.
"What?"
"I said leave me alone," she replied, with a firmer, harsher tone.
It quickly dawned on me that this was no joke at all. "What's wrong?" I asked. She entered our science class and talked to Ms. Wells as we took our seats. Ms. Wells nodded as Hayley explaining something.

Ms. Wells approached me. "Josh, can you move down to sit by Jaelyn?" I shot back a confused look, raising an eyebrow. "Why?"
"Hayley doesn't feel comfortable sitting next to you today." I looked back at Hayley, who stood in the front of the classroom with a hesitant, tense look on her face, having on that same angry mask that I hated.
I hesitated before answering. "Okay." I made my way towards the front and took a seat next to the girl I despised the most. She shuffled in her seat uncomfortably before staying completely still.

Hayley brushed by past me carefully, taking her seat. I scratched the back of my head, as I sat, tense, thinking what could have possibly gone wrong. Jaelyn's impossibly loud chewing of gum made the goal of thinking a bit hard to achieve. She was looking over her nails and her cell phone at the same time, texting under the table. Every now and then she'd laugh at something someone texted her. I, on the other hand, would turn my head and look at Hayley, but she was always looking up at the teacher or pretending to be looking out the window, avoiding my gaze. What could I have done to her?

After science I got out of my chair as quickly as possible and approached Hayley before her little feet would be able to scurry away. "I need you to tell me what's wrong."

She avoided the stare I gave her and made her way around me, promptly getting out of the class. "Please tell me what I did," I called, trying to keep pace with her. There was nothing stopping me from getting the answers. But stubborn Hayley ignored me, her tiny body simply sliding gracefully across the school floor, walking quicker than I was at the moment. "Hayley!" I yelled, finally grabbing her wrist. She lifted one of her free hands up and pulled my grip off. "Josh," her eyes had finally made contact with mine and it nearly took my breath away, "I told you to please leave me alone." Her voice was covered with such a thick edge of annoyance and ice that it made me shudder internally. Never in my entire life did I feel so hurt. Hayley was the first to strike me with such impact that I was believing this girl had more power over me than I thought.

My mind drifted back to previous times with her, but nothing that I did wrong came to mind. Why was she avoiding me? Everything was perfect...or at least that's how it felt. Were there some hidden feelings on Hayley's part?

Jaelyn took my hand in hers, the unexpected contact making me jump, as Hayley disappeared from sight. "If it doesn't work out, call me," she batted her long eyelashes at me. I looked back at her, disgusted, and pulled my hand out of hers in one swift movement. I ignored the other eyes in the hallway that stared at the event that unfolded, whispers coming from left and right.

I confronted Hayley after school. Before she could run away from me any further, I followed her to her home and I pounded hard on her door. The entire walk there she did nothing but run and avoid my questions.
"Hayley!" I yelled. "I'm not leaving! Please talk to me!"
My hand went numb after the twentieth knock. It felt as if I had been knocking forever. "Hayley, please..." I began, exhausted, knocking once more. "Please talk to me," I begged. With another chaste knock I let out the supressed yell inside of me. "Hayley!"

I listened intently for the sign of movement on the inside, and finally I heard the lock turn open with a hasty click.
She stood there with a horrid expression, one that made the muscles in my body tense and go frozen, staring me down in the most icy glare I'd ever seen from her. "Go away," she said. "I mean it. Go. And leave us alone." Though I would have questioned why she used the plural "us" instead of "me", I supressed the question and didn't dare turn away, despite her wishes. "I'm not going until you tell me what's wrong. What my fault is. The...the bullshit you've been giving me at school has been driving me insane. Hayley. Please," I said, pleading, "I'm going to get down on my knees."

That's precisely what I did, looking pathetic, undeniably, staring up at her with that puppy dog look I knew would win her over.
"I don't know what to say anymore, Hayles."
She looked down at me with a firm face, not much emotion showing through, apathetic. "You should stop pretending like you don't know anything--"
"But I fucking don't!" I interrupted, though guiltily.

She cut me off almost as quickly as I interrupted her, placing one finger on my chest. "If you really cared about me you'd stop seeing me, Josh. Stop coming to my house and leave us the fuck alone. You know exactly what happened to us and I'm not falling for this pity act to try and save our relationship." She inhaled deeply, angrily, her eyes shutting closed. She seemed to want to calm herself down, and there were only seconds of quiet before she looked back at me again with her opaque eyes. "And one last thing," she began. "Your mother? She's a whore."

Her words, seething with acid, broke me down inch by inch. And after that she slammed the door in my face. I didn't know what to feel at that moment. I was frozen there, in my kneeling position, her words began registering in my head and left a stinging sensation down my throat and pool of burn in my stomach. I didn't say anything back to her after that. I only ran towards my home, intoxicated with nausea from the recent events, and threw up on my doorstep.

HAYLEY'S POV:
I couldn't understand, couldn't comprehend, what I had just done.
I had slammed the door in the face of someone I held near to me. Someone who was dear to me. I didn't need to fight this for my mom, it wasn't my problem...but I felt I had to. I remembered when I first became skeptical of the whole thing, because a random hotel person kept calling asking for the reservation dad made for him and a Ms. Farro. I brushed away the thought, telling myself there were many women with 'Farro' as a last name, though I didn't believe what I said no matter how convincing it was.

It wasn't until it was finally confirmed to me that my father really was seeing Josh's mom that I had finally broken apart. I thought I was over dad leaving, the closure was there and I had let it all go with ease...but the sudden revelation had the entire situation crashing over me once more, filling my head with anger that threatened to overwhelm me completely. I hid that thought from Josh for a long time...I didn't know what to think, that is, until now. That anger, that anger that burned deep inside my skull had finally convinced me that if the woman who broke my family apart was Josh's mother, than I had to do nothing more with him.

I leaned against the door and sunk down to the floor, burying my face in my hands, creating a pool of saltwater tears in my palms. How could I forgive Ms. Farro? She was responsible for ruining the family I thought would surive through anything. Who would have thought Josh's own mother was the woman my dad was cheating on my mother for? The hurt cut deep into my skin and I was at a loss on what to do. It seemed silly--leaving Josh for something that was not my fight. Which side would I choose? Which part of myself would I leave behind?

Josh...or my mother?
_________________________________________________________
Some drama huh? TWISTED IT UP! Decided I needed something, and this was all I could do. I am very sorry Josh's mom! If they ever happen to read this (it's close to impossible that will happen) I hope they aren't offended! SORRY AGAIN! Haha. So what did you think? TELL ME! Suggestions? TELL ME! :)

My Heart CH.19

2009-01-20T18:46:00.000-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story
CHAPTER 19

HAYLEY'S POV:
Outside of school, the second week of December, on a chilly Monday morning, Josh and I stood on the school track, our fingers intertwined. He bent over down at my level to kiss me in the most gentle, innocent way possible, his head tilted in a slight angle. Little did I know other eyes were watching.

JAELYN'S POV:
When I saw that...my heart sank to the very bottom of my body. I don't know exactly why, I thought I was way over him, way over whatever Josh and I were before, but once I saw him kiss Hayley Williams...I nearly died. No, there's no overdramaticness here, I was very close to being knocked down by the mere impact that kiss had on me. I felt tears begin at the rims of my eyes, and with a quick gesture I wiped the water away and walked off. I couldn't take more. I didn't like what was happening at all. When I approached Alexa and Madison, the tears came coming down, I knew they had seen me like this before. They took me in their arms openly.
"Jaelyn..." Madison began, "What the hell is going on?"
There was absolutely no sign of concern in her voice. I didn't need friends like this. I wanted true friends, which I couldn't get because of this dumbass school. Everyone basically hated me...and I had no choice but to hate them as well.
I continued to cry and take their false pity. "I...I...saw...Ha...Hayley and J...Josh.." I began, trying to breathe deeply and snap everything back into perspective. "Madison, they kissed!" I said, my voice building to near scream. "And they've been hiding it from this school the whole time," I added.
I wiped my eyes and stood up straight. "Your make up is running," Alexa pointed out. I know stupid, didn't need to point it out. "Fuck! Fuck!" I exclaimed, no particular reason why. Swearing helped me calm myself down, I guess.
"I don't want to hear that language in this school!" A teacher scolded, glaring over our direction with devilish eyes.
"Yeah, sure," I replied, rudeness coated in my words. The teacher nodded her head and walked away.
I rolled my eyes and blew the hair on my face away. "I want...no, I need to destroy Hayley Williams."
"Uh, why can't you just let it go?" Madison asked obnoxiously. I glared back at her, completely repulsed at her suggestion. "Are you kidding?" I asked.
"What did she ever do to you, anyways?" Alexa added. I rolled my eyes. "Look, she's taken everything away already. And now she needs to loose it all. Is that an explanation for you two or do I need to talk slower for you to comprehend?"
The two just rolled their eyes back at me and I frowned back. There was nothing that topped the anger that burned like fire in my system.

HAYLEY'S POV:
Walking to science was extremely awkward. Usually nobody would stare like they did, but they stopped and did stare. It was normal as I walked, but every time I passed someone they would look at me with curiosity, like I was something to be studied. What was going on here? Josh caught up to me in class and sat down.
"There is way too much staring going on in this school." I said with a shaky voice. "Did you tell?"
Josh's head darted back to look at me. "No! Of course not. I made a promise."
I sighed quietly. "Then why are they all looking at me? Haven't you noticed?"
Josh shook his head, his beautiful brown hair shaking along. "They must be so enticed by how beautiful you are."
I punched him in the arm, not needing the attempt at cheesiness and flattery. "Ow!" He yelped. I laughed. "That's what you get."
Science was over fast, and as Josh and I walked down the halls, the stares of the eyes burning holes in my head, so uncomfortable.
I dragged Josh over to our lockers. "Someone has spilled," I whispered.
"Not me. I swear!" He replied.
"I know, I know bu-" before I spoke any longer, Zac passed and I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, lightly shoving him against the locker.
He let out a quick scream. "Did you tell them about Josh and I?" I asked sharply. He shook his head nervously. "No! I didn't! Because I know what you'd do to me if I did. Which I didn't!!" I let him go, believing him. "Then who did?"

Jaelyn passed us with a grin during language arts and social studies. It was mischievous, and...evil? Her eyes were glazed with an icy cold stare, breaking me down like acid. She greeted me coldly. I didn't know why she even greeted me at all.

Those two periods were times where it was hard to focus. I heard Jaelyn whisper my name more than once, and I needed to know what the hell she was talking about. Maybe talking crap behind my back...not sure, but whatever it was it needed to quit bugging me. Since when did I think or care of what people thought of me? I never wanted that to get in my way, though it usually did. Josh managed to listen intently, not even noticing a thing. He must be a veteran at this, having eyes staring at him and people talking about him. Who wouldn't want to do those things...especially with Josh Farro as the subject? I felt incredibly alone at the moment, wondering what Jaelyn was spreading around.

Could it be her who knew that Josh and I were an item?

"Hayley, you have no clue how much of a lucky bitch you are," Some random person from class whispered to me, emphasizing the word bitch like it didn't insult me at all.
"What?" I replied, the disgusting anxiety sinking into me, so utterly powerful that it threatened to overwhelm me completely.
"Like you don't know," She said with a tone of disbelief. "If only I was you. Why hide it, seriously? You are so lucky. I'm Amanda, by the way."
I nodded along, feeling my face freeze. "What am I hiding?" I asked.
Amanda laughed. "Josh Farro. You two are going out, right? It's all over the school!"
I gulped. "Crap."
Amanda's expression switched to confusion. "Is there something wrong?"
"Nobody was supposed to know," I replied quietly. "Oh...well.." she began, probably lost for words, inching upon guilty. "I know Jaelyn has been spreading it around."
"Oh I know that now," I replied angrily. "And she never was supposed to."
Amanda frowned along with me. "I didn't know. I'm so sorry. It feels gross to know something you shouldn't."
I shook my head. "No, it's not your fault...thanks for telling me."

I stormed off into the lunch room and sat next to Josh. "Secret's out!" I announced, placing my forehead in my hands, looking down at the lunch table. Josh wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "And the big deal is?" He asked.
I shrugged his arm off. "Well how did Jaelyn find out in the first place?"
"She said she saw us kissing at the field. That's what people have been saying, at least," Josh replied, in a manner that was so undisturbed it was like he didn't care at all.
"You know, at least it's one secret we won't have to hide anymore."
I guessed that he was right...there was no big deal. "Yeah, yeah."
I placed my head on his shoulder. "Now I can cuddle you in public, too," Josh added. I smiled a little.
Luke joined us, his expression hurt in a way. "I didn't know about you two," he said in a hushed tone. "How long has it been going on?"
"Few months I guess," Josh replied, his tone confident inching upon arrogant. "It was kind of our thing, we only wanted Zac to know."
"I hope Jaelyn won't do anything evil," Luke said, stressing the word 'evil'. "She might. Who knows how soon."

The following day was not as awkward as the first, now that everyone knew it was no surprise to see holding hands and such. When I woke late night on Wednesday (I thought the habit of waking up in the middle of the night was done and over with...apparently not), I heard two voices screaming at each other...too close to be coming from the neighbors.
One I could identify out as mom, and the other deep one I could not identify as well. I tried to ignore it, I honestly tried, yet the building fear inside of me stroke up my curiosity. I held my hands against the stair rail, palms sweating, and in my head I recalled that horrible night when the robber had almost struck me with a knife. I cringed.
Quietly, slowly, I descended down the stairs, suddenly taken aback by the abrupt holler that shook the house's foundations.

"What's going on?" I mumbled toward my parents, and a sudden silence awashed the room as I appeared.
Mom stood in front of the door, her eyes wet and red, and I only rushed to her and held her in my arms, my only attempt at comfort.
My dad stood in front of the door, surprised by me appearing there, and his face seemed to contemplate something as he watched the depressing display of my mother and I, arms around each other.
But he seemed to decide something though, despite the sight, and turned without another word.
"Where's he going?" I asked worriedly.
Mom just shook her head, unlatching herself from me and walked upstairs slowly. The scene was over, I knew that, but I needed to know what the hell had happened.
"What's going on?!" I yelled now, no response coming from my mother. I pulled the door open with force, and saw my own dad placing bags into the trunk of his car. "Where are you going?" I asked, demanding an answer.
Ignoring me, he pulled open the car door. I knocked loudly on the window as he put the keys into the ignition.
"Stop!" I called, as the car's engine roared to life. My father's face was cold and hard, somewhat like a mask now...scaring me completely. He was not the father I knew. He was a stranger.
Tears formed as I slowly realized what was happening. He was leaving us. Leaving me and my mother.
The water poured, blurring my image, but I ran and ran after that car until I finally paused in the middle of the street, sobbing to myself, collapsing on the concrete.
I cried hard, breathing, trying to figure out what my future was...and all in the midst of that moment I realized my whole world would change forever.

At home, mom never showed for dinner, she didn't even show for breakfast in the morning. I didn't even bother making one, my head was laid down on the dinner table, and I was silent.

JOSH'S POV:
I looked down at my watch...yet again. Why wasn't Hayley here? I began worrying and wondering. The bell rang again, and I took one last glance at the parking lot before I left to class. That bright ball of energy still wasn't here, and I wished I knew why.

Science was dead boring. Jaelyn glared over my direction every second or so, her eyes then flickering toward the empty seet beside me.
She approached me while we were working on a worksheet.
"I need some ideas," she began, "I am so stuck." Her attitude did not phase me.
"You just need to write what you feel about this," I mumbled quietly.
"Well that's exactly it," she replied, "I don't know what to write."
Jaelyn flashed her fake smile toward me, obviously flirting. "It's a personal thing. I think you need to write for yourself. I can't tell you."
She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "You really don't want to be even friends, Josh?" I stared back at her with an expression every ex-boyfriend is capable of making at their manipulative, used to be girlfriend. I'd say it was a mix of anger and frustration, but based on the way my eyebrows pulled together and my eyes felt hard and cold, I knew there was more to it than that.
"After all you've gone to Hayley, after you hurt her and spread something you knew you didn't need to, you expect us to be friends?" I almost spit out the word, venomous. "You're not even worthy to be friends with, Jaelyn. Especially after what you did to me."

The passing periods were a blur, and lunch was horrible. I stared at the food and picked at it like I had nothing better to do in the world.
"Josh?" Luke asked, concerned. One of the people who claimed to know Hayley, a girl named Amanda from Ms. Stoke's class, sat with us.
"I haven't seen Hayley here at all," she mentioned. "I think that's the problem," Luke added, gesturing toward me. "Did something happen between you guys?"
I shook my head softly, not bothering to look up. "I guess Hayley completes you, then, doesn't she?" Amanda said.
I looked up at her. I couldn't deny it. "I think that's just it. The whole school day has been boring without her...almost horrible, actually," I said, finally speaking. "I think I...I love her."

Once that final bell rung I walked straight toward Hayley's house and softly knocked on the door. Nobody answered.
"Hayley?" I called.
Still no answer.
"Hayles." I called again.
Finally, someone opened the door. I was greeted by her mother, though the normal spark in her eyes were not present. She seemed...depressed. "Hayley is upstairs, Josh," she said, her tone bored, uninterested. Something wrong had definitely happened.

I walked upstairs cautiously, wondering how to greet her. Her bedroom door was open. Hayley was laying on her bed, her back facing me. "Hayles?" I whispered, suddenly afraid of the girl I loved.
"Hey," She turned over, her hair all messy. Her eyes were glossy, she had definitely been crying. "Something...wrong?" I asked patherically, approaching her.
Hayley sat up quietly, rubbing her eyes like a waking child.
"I'm fine," she began. "I guess there's just been a lot going on."
I sat by her. She looked so tired, so hopeless. "So what did I miss today?" She asked in a hushed tone.
I stared back at her, feeling horrible, feeling her pain. "You didn't miss much," I answered. She scooted closer to me, wrapping herself around me. "I just need this right now, okay?" She said, her voice so soft. I wrapped my arms around her small frame. "Of course, Hayles."
She sniffed. "So much happened," Hayley began. I was relieved to know she was ready to explain. And all I did was listen.
"My dad...he left."
_____________________________________________________
Poor Hayley...
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My Heart CH.18

2009-01-19T14:45:00.000-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story CHAPTER 18

HAYLEY'S POV:

I spent the remainder of my Satuday night with Josh at his house. My mom didn't mind, and his parents weren't going to be home that day. They were busy, like mine, and Josh's mom was out of town for the weekend. My dad wasn't coming back either, he was probably out of town without telling us. Come to think of it, he never does. Josh's mom would come home early morning, and he told me to meet her right then. He didn't want any gaps between my parents and his. Josh and I wrote songs all night, and Zac joined the fun. We were up until eleven at night, and after that I was just getting drowsy. "I'm going to go to bed," I announced, dropping the pencil I was writing lyrics with. "You might want to get into pajamas first," Josh suggested. He handed me the bag I took with me, and he pointed me to the bathroom. Once I got out, Josh was the only one in the living room. "Would you mind sleeping with me?" He asked. I raised an eyebrow. "Not in that way," he replied quickly. I laughed. "I know. I just wanted to see how you would react."

Josh took my hand. "I'll take that as a yes," he said. We walked upstairs together, hand in hand.

"This bed was originally made for one, but I think you can fit. Everything is smaller than you, Hayley," he mentioned jokingly. I just shrugged and climbed into the bed with him, and he slid his hand under me and placed them gently on my shoulders, holding me close to his chest.

"Well what do you know?" I whispered. "I fit." Josh chuckled and flashed a grin towards me as I looked up at him. "I've never felt like this when I was going out with Jaelyn. She used every ounce of her misleading ways to turn me into something I wasn't," he said. I just rolled my eyes and yawned. "Forget her. You're with me now, and I promise I won't be like her."

Josh smiled up at the ceiling. "I know you won't," he mumbled, kissing my forehead.

I woke up and twisted my head toward the clock on his side table. It read '2:21 AM', it's red light flashing back at me. "Shit," I whispered. Ever since that robbery I've had a habit of waking up in the middle of the night. It wasn't long until I was wide awake. I watched Josh sleep and breathe. He was absolutely gorgeous. I've never been so close to his face before...his hot breath on mine. I smiled, leaning into him. I paused before I could get any closer, but I realized there was no harm in kissing him during his sleep. Once I touched his lips though, his eyes flew wide open. I pulled away quickly and gasped. He let out a laugh. I blushed in response. "Don't worry about it. You could continue if you want," he replied, smiling. He shifted closer to me and planted his lips on mine. His mouth opened and I mimicked it, opening mine, letting his tounge dart into my mouth. I felt his hands run through my face, dragging fire along with them. I gasped for air and swung one leg around his hip. My lips darted towards his again, and then I was straddling him, both legs wrapped around his hip. He quickly responded and wrapped his hands over my waist, then dragging down towards my thighs, and I leaned down to kiss him more. His mouth danced with mine. It wasn't long before I realized my shirt was slowly coming off. "Josh, stop!" I said abruptly. We both pulled apart. "Yeah, I know. I don't want to do something I will regret later," he agreed. I smiled and shifted back to my previous position, laying my head on his chest, my breathing heavy. "But that was amazing, Hayley," he said. I giggled. "I know. I was hoping not to go too far."

Josh let his eyes close and kissed me lightly one last time. "Good night," he said. I dug my head into his chest. "Good night."

JOSH'S POV:

The next few weeks weren't horrible, but Hayley was still uncomfortable with the whole fact of letting everyone at school know we were dating. For the meantime, only Zac would know. He got over-excited about the whole thing, it was like he'd never seen two people date, even though he had dated himself. He made too many comments around Hayley and I, and gave me more woman advice on how to treat her. It wasn't like I needed it, but I just let Zac do his thing and feel smart. For once.

Hayley was progressing with her singing, and since our band wasn't fully alive yet, I let her audition for that local band that played in Nashville, the one she asked me about. She was enjoying herself, and one day she approached me telling me she wanted to sing for the rest of her life. And damn, was she amazing. I've come to every one of their concerts, and that band was slowly gaining fans because of her. Her charisma, cuteness, and her powerhouse voice were probably some of the reasons as to why.

One night, everything had changed for that band, though. Hayley came out from backstage after their show was over, a frown--almost a scowl--on her face. Her eyes were glazed with gloss, and she began crying as she wrapped herself around me. "It was never going to work out anyways," she mumbled into my chest. "What was never going to work?" I asked, the reason for her tears worrying me. She wiped them away and shook her head, angling her head so that she was looking up at me. "This band. They're breaking up. Nothing is working out between them," Hayley scoffed. "I guess that's it for me," she added. She was so completely disappointed that her pain, for some fucked up reason, had suddenly crashed over me. I rubbed her back gently to ease her, as well as ease myself.

"No it's not," I assured her. "Why the hell would you even think that? You have an amazing talent, Hayles. Don't bring yourself down just because one thing in life didn't work out."

Hayley crossed her arms, still leaning against my body for support. "I still can't believe they are breaking up. Even after all that did work out. Some guys in the band were acting like asses, though, I guess that's a reason."

"Come on, I'm taking you out tonight," I said.

She seemed automatically happier as I announced that.

"Thanks, Josh," she told me, and we walked out of the venue. I hoped that she was alright.

"Would you like a drink, sir?" the waitress asked.

"No thanks," I replied, turning my head back to the beautiful redhead in front of me, who ate the food at her plate like she'd never see it again. "Mmm...this is good," she mumbled in between bites.

The waitress hurried away and came back with a check.

"What's this for?" I asked. We weren't even done.

"Sir, we're closing now," the waitress replied with a smile. I looked down at my watch. We've stayed for over three hours now...Hayley and I must have lost track of time.

"Okay, what if we give you a lot of money, then do you think we can stay longer?" I asked the waitress with a voice I hoped persuaded her. She shook her head apologetically. "No, we are closing sir."

"We've been talking way too much," Hayley told me, slightly amused. "We'll leave ma'am, just let me finish this bite."

The waitress scurried off.

I placed the money on the bill. "Well that was kind of annoying," Hayley added. "Come on Josh, let's get out of here."

The sky was completely black as we headed outside, no signs of stars, only the crescent moon giving us a silverly light. Hayley and I stood outside in the restaurant parking lot. She placed her arm around my waist and we walked slowly. "Now what? I don't think I'm quite ready to leave you yet."

"Me either," I agreed, lighting up. Hayley sighed. "I don't want to go do work. Or write songs right now. I don't want to think of music after what just happened today."

"It was pretty abrupt," I replied. "But no worries. We don't have to do any of that."

Hayley stood up on her toes to reach my face and kissed me gently. I felt her lips curve upward into a smile as our lips continued to move together, and I couldn't help but pull her in tighter.

"Hey, none of that around here, kids!" Someone called out from the restaurant. Hayley laughed lightly. "I didn't realize we were still that close to the place," she continued to chuckle and grabbed my hand, and we both ran off like little children, no cares in the world.

HAYLEY'S POV:

"I am so bored," I said, cuddled into Josh's chest as we sat in front of his television. The dull, stupid reality show that played on his tv did not do a good job of holding our attention. "Me too," he agreed, staring blankly at the screen.

"Hey guy," Zac said, bringing in a pack of chips and making himself comfortable on the loveseat beside the couch we sat on.

There is absolutely nothing we can do," Josh pointed out, groaning impatiently. I only nodded, agreeing with his statement. "You have anything good to do?" I asked toward Zac.

"Nah, just eating my chips. One of you guys can go out the door when the kids come knocking for candy," Zac said.

It was Halloween today, and Josh and I decided not to dress up at all. It was one of those days where I just didn't feel like celebrating one of my favorite, fun holidays. I usually always dressed up for it, but not this time, for I woke up lazy and did not feel any ambition. Sadly enough, I regretted that decision because now I was sitting here, bored out of my mind, in front of a television. On the plus side, though, Josh and Zac were here to keep me company.

As expected, kids came knocking on the door excitedly and a loud "Trick Or Treat!" erupted from outside. Josh chuckled and unwrapped his arms from me, getting up from the chair.

"And what are you supposed to be?" I heard him ask playfully. I laughed in response. "Cough up the candy, mister!" A kid with a high-pitched voice yelled, obviously hyper from sugar. Josh frowned. "That's not very nice," he replied. He dropped candy into their bags.

"What? That's it?" The same familiar kid's voice yelled. "Okay! Okay! Jeez, kid!" Josh replied, and I heard more clunks of candy being dropped into the mildly scary child's bag.

Zac and I both laughed out loud.

When the kids left, Josh stared at us in disbelief. "Wow, the kids these days."

November passed by quickly, nothing much going on except the great relationship between Josh and I. I'm sure Jaelyn was skeptical about us. She knew something was up, I could tell by the way she watched us, and though we didn't give many hints to the school, she probably knew. Questions were brought up from her, ones I was forced to answer with an answer I hoped did not reveal much about us both.

I never realized until one cold, chilly December morning kissing Josh at school was a big mistake.

My Heart CH.17

2009-01-17T23:47:00.001-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story
CHAPTER 17

i love this picture --- >

JOSH'S POV:
I stared at the ceiling the entire time once I got home. Zac made his way up to my room, sitting down on the floor. "Oh no!" He yelled sarcastically, "Something's wrong."
I looked back with an angry expression.
"But seriously this time, what happened?" He asked.
"Well if you must know," I began, "I think Hayley is mad at me."
"The girlfriend?" He asked. I frowned. "Not exactly."
"Dude, what do you mean not exactly? You haven't asked her out yet?" He seemed to be genuinely concerned, which surprised me.
"What's the big deal about it?" I replied.
"Uh...the big deal is she's totally into you, man. And if you don't ask, you two will slowly will drift apart and maybe just stay friends. I think you don't want to be just friends, Josh."
"Where are you getting all this advice from?"
"Mom's magazines," he replied.
I snickered. "Mom's magazines?"
"Well don't tell me you've never wanted to look into a chick magazine," he said aloud. "But anyways, when are you going to ask her to sing for us?"
"Uh...I think I'm already too late for that."
"What?" He asked, alarmed. "So...so you mean our dreams, our hopes our futures are... gone in the wind?" Zac then grabbed the front of my shirt forcefully, pulling me up. "I don't want to keep doing school my whole life, Josh!" He whined.
I looked at him with disbelief. "Don't tell me you got acting lessons, too."
He calmed himself down, shaking his head at me. "Anyways," I continued, "she's been bugging me all about Jaelyn and her party this Saturday. Hayley really wants to go. But I don't really believe Jaelyn's modified that party just for her."
"What do you mean?" Zac asked.
"She went on today talking about how the party was all re-done for Hayley or something. But I don't trust her one bit."
"I wouldn't, either. She's a s-l-u-t," Zac agreed.
"Exactly. That's why I don't want to go to that party. I think I've made my point clear enough to Hayley but she just won't give in. She seriously wants to get caught up in that scene or something."
"You better go check on her," Zac said. "And go show her you care. Go to the party with her."
"Not gonna happen," I replied, shaking my head. "And...you're kind of sounding like Oprah."
"Yes! I knew I was getting good at this advice thing," Zac congratulated himself--then his face went serious again. "But seriously, Josh. Think about it."
I stared at him with a bewildered expression. "What did you do to my brother?" I asked.
"Very funny," he answered, frowning.

When Saturday came, and I still didn't apologize to Hayley yet, I knew that it was time to. I guess I waited for too long, because once I got to her doorstep around 9:45 PM, her mom answered the door and told me Hayley had already gone to Jaelyn's party.

HAYLEY'S POV:
I walked over to Jaelyn's house alone, in a pretty simple outfit and bold make up. Looking from the outside part of the house, she was incredibly rich. Lights flickered on and off, all colorful. Seniors were draped outside and inside, all arriving in their nice cars. When I opened the door, Jaelyn immediately caught sight of me. "HAYLEY!" She greeted, her voice louder than the music booming through her expensive speakers. "I can't believe you made it!" She yelled over the music. "Yeah..." I replied, almost yelling myself, "I can't believe I did either."
"Well come hang out with us!" She offered. I followed her and sat next to her by a bar-looking part of the house. "Don't worry, the alcohol is all stored up. It's just safe party food," she reassured me, and the simple fact that she really did modify this party took me by total surprise. "I still can't believe you're here."
"Well I am here," I replied plainly.
"Hayley, I'm so sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed in any way at all," Jaelyn said, smiling.
"I guess I'm going to have to forgive you," I said.
"Oh thank you so much! Hey do you want any of the juice we have?" She offered.
"Sure."

She handed me a glass with some red juice in it, or at least, I thought it was juice. It smelled a little funny. "It's a cherry flavor. It's probably the best one we have here."
"Awesome," I said, taking a sip. It was unbelievably good.
"So do you like it?" She asked. I felt drowsy all of a sudden, the juice working in my system. "Yeah, but it's pretty strong."
Jaelyn just smiled. "Hey Hayley...do you want to take a dip?" She asked, her voice booming. "Uh..." I said, my head spinning, the room spinning. I could not comprehend those words she had just said, they did not make sense in my brain. I felt drunk...like I'd pass out in seconds. "I...I guess so."
"Hey Pete! Come here!" Jaelyn called out. Her voice was clear, and then I felt hands on my back, and I was held up. I was too dizzy to feel much, but I was being carried, that I was sure of, and others were laughing. Suddenly I was thrown into the air and in seconds the cold, icy liquid of a pool sparked my body and woke me up. When I finally realized what had happened, I struggled to get back up to the surface.

Once I did, I spit out some water and swam quickly to the edge. There was laughter all around me, and I was dripping wet. Jaelyn came up to me. "Sorry Hayley," she said with her fake voice. She put her arm around me and someone clicked a camera, the flash hurting my drowsy eyes. Jaelyn quickly pulled away, laughing.

I staggered of the backyard and into the darkness, the party's sounds becoming distant now. I couldn't feel my legs move. I tried finding my way home, and I was supposed to be home--but ended up on a bench in an unknown playground. I felt for spare change in my pocket, any money at all, and luckily a wet bill and quarters were stuck inside. I went under the flourescent light and put the change into a payphone. "J..."
"Where are you?" The voice said, alarmed, a complete sense of urgency in his tone. I knew who it was exactly.
"I don't know where I am," I slurred, shivering. I told him the name of the park, surprised that I could still make it out despite my already dulled senses.
"I'll be right there," he replied.

And as expected, Josh came by with a dark blue truck, the headlights coming out from the shadows. "Hayley!" he called, running next to me. He took me in his arms. "You're wet!" He exclaimed.
"Now that we've covered the obvious," I began, "Can we please go home?"

He led me toward his car, fumbling with the seatbelt for me. "I got it!" I said, irritated, shoving the seatbelt and clicking it closed. Josh got into his side of the car and backed out of the playground.
He sighed. "You went to the party, didn't you?"
"I told you I could do things myself," I replied angrily, ignoring his most likely smirking, smug gaze.
"I don't want to say I told you so..."
"Just go ahead and say it."
A smile was forming on the edges of his lips. "Just don't get caught up in that again," he warned. "I still can't believe you actually went alone."
"Well I did," I said, "and it was horrible. I hate her. Purely. And I'll never doubt you again."

We arrived at my house. Josh and I made our way up the porch steps and into the house where my mom sat in front of the television. I looked around and realized my dad wasn't there. Thank God. I rushed upstairs and pulled all my wet clothes off, not listening to my mother calling after me from below. Josh stayed downstairs. I closed the bedroom door, pulled on some new pajamas and dried my wet hair in the bathroom. There was a knock. I pulled the door open and found Josh staring at me. "You gonna be okay?" He asked quietly. "Mm-hmm," I replied, walking into my bedroom.

I laid on my bed and Josh sat at the edge. "Are you still mad at me?"
I sat up and stared at him. "I guess not."
He let out a sigh of relief. "Good," he replied. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"I should have a long time ago..." he began.
I waited for it, but his silence made me nervous. "Do you want to be in a band?"
My shoulders dropped. "What?" I asked, frustrated.
"I know you're all stoked about the other audition but you have an amazing voice and--"
"I don't know," I replied quickly, turning away from him.
"Wait...why are you mad now? Did you think I was going to ask you something different?"
I frowned immediately. "Yeah, I did."
"Well what is it, then?" He asked.
"You...it doesn't make sense. Josh, are you really into me or are you just playing around? You haven't really taken this seriously. It's like we're just friends. When I know we are so much more than that. You've kissed me too many times and this isn't the way friends treat each other, Josh. Isn't that enough for you to ask me that one easy question you could have a long time ago?"
"Shoot," he replied, realizing this.
"Yeah, shoot. Good word for this right now."
"I'm sorry Hayley."
He was such a mess. How did he not realize this? This really threw me off, and I don't think he realized it was such a big deal to me until now.
"I messed up, didn't I?" he asked softly.
I only nodded.
"Aw, crap Hayley, I'm sorry I didn't ask any sooner."
"Go home," I spit out, rolling my eyes.
"No. I'm going to work this out. And until I do I won't leave this room." Josh reached out for my hands and grabbed them tightly, despite my attempts to pull them away. "Hayley..." he began, breathing in. "will you go out with me? Will you be my girlfriend?"
I rolled my eyes and sighed--but the smile pricking on my lips couldn't be held back for any longer. "Took you long enough."
Josh grinned and kissed me deeply.

-------
CUTE! =] That's my comment for now, please leave yours! Don't forget about me on other sites. Thanks so much for supporting! Thank you guys so much!

My Heart CH.16

2009-01-11T21:44:00.000-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story
CHAPTER 16

HAYLEY'S POV:
It was a friday afternoon and Josh and I would make our usual trip to his house. I waited downstairs and played with Zac's drums for a while. We did homework together and didn't get much songwriting in. Zac wrote his own drum part, and I think he had more ideas in his head. There was a lot to work with, and the possibilities were endless. I went home around six, in time for dinner. Dad wasn't home. The phone rang while mom and I were eating her homemade fried chicken. She let it take message, and a woman's voice played. "Hey Ms. Williams. Melinda just called. She said she can't make it. Would you mind taking our night shift tonight? Please call our secretary back tonight. Thanks."

Mom looked down at her food and back up at me. "Would you mind if I went? Are you okay being alone here, Hayles?"

"Mom, it's no problem, seriously. I think I'm old enough to take care of myself." I said.

"Alright, well I better get ready now, I'll be back by early morning," Mom rushed upstairs and left her plate on the table. "Would you mind washing the dishes, Hayles?" she called out from upstairs.

"No problem!" I replied.

I fell asleep around eleven. The night went on like every other, droning endlessly, dark and starless.

Then...there was a crash.

It startled me, lodging my breath in my throat. I sat up in bed, my heartbeats slowly escalating. Faster, faster.
I glanced down at my alarm clock on my side table. The time 3:52 AM blinked at me, red colored. I blinked back, dumbfounded. Something was stirring downstairs...something that wasn't supposed to be here.
I straightened out my shirt and slowly crept down the stairs, hands sweaty against the stairrail, pausing to look when I reached the third to last step. I peeked into the living room, my eyes shrinking due to the lack of light, and saw a figure move in the shadows. It appeared to be a tall man with a black outfit.

Robber.

I paused, making sure not to make any noise. My breathing and heartbeats seemed to be absurdly louder, shaking my body with fear.
The man loomed in the darkness.
He was rustling through some of our things.
His eyes searched the coast, they scanned the area, but it was too late.
I was not fast enough. I wasn't able to run back up the stairs.
He had caught sight of me.
I gasped, but it wasn't enough and a scream didn't escape my lungs. Before I could even move, he had grabbed my shoulders, pinning my against the wall, face forward. All I could see were those dark eyes behind his ski mask, black and completely frightening. He covered my mouth with such brute force, his hand was calloused, rough against my face. "Don't move!" He growled. "Try anything and I will stab you." The man released his grip on my mouth and pulled out a knife, just to prove his point. "Now walk back quickly towards your bedroom and pretend I'm not here. I won't be long."

I willingly agreed, running back upstairs as fast as my feet could carry me and locking the door of my bedroom. Working quickly, my eyes scanned my dark, dim room for some sort of weapon that I could use against him. I wouldn't just let that guy go through my entire house and rob us.

There was another noise downstairs. It sounded a whole lot like my front door slamming closed, and it shook the house. I grabbed the first thing I laid my eyes on, a book from my bed. Not very good, but I could hit him. I'd have some minimal chance. I ran downstairs and nearly slid off of the stairs, book in hand, arms raised to strike him.
But he was gone.

I took a breath and felt nothing else but my reverberating heartbeats, still vibrating through my body and pulsing through my veins. It left me dazed...dizzy.
Asphyxiated.

I stood there, frozen in one spot. I don't know how long it was until I finally realized that a robber was in my house and I almost got stabbed. I grabbed the phone from the kitchen counter out of the sudden impulse, dialing the first number came to my mind. I heard a voice moan, but it was the one I wanted to hear.

"Hello?" He groaned sleepily, yawning.

"Josh!" I breathed, "God...I..." This was the last thing I wanted to do, freak him out, but the fright wouldn't hide itself and rang clear in my voice.

"What? What is it?" He asked, clearly freaked out.

"I...I don't know, it was really fast, someone came..." I paused, breathing heavily when the sudden wave of panic broke into my system. "I just want you here."

"Stay there, I'm coming."

JOSH'S POV:
I hung up quickly and put on some clothes. I ran down the stairs, ignoring Zac's sleepy calls after me. All I did was run, faster than I ever had, towards her house. I didn't even bother to knock, and the door was open anyways. Once I had ran into her door, Hayley threw herself at me with sudden force. All I did was hold her shaking body in my arms. The cold air from outside blew into the house and she cringed. Immediately I knew something was wrong. The house looked like a mess--things were missing.

"Someone came. Someone broke in," she whispered weakly next to me, her voice raspy. I closed the door, Hayley still in my arms, and I carried her into her bedroom, cradling her in my arms. "Hayley, it's okay. I'm here now. I'm here." She had both arms wrapped around my neck and she sat upon my lap as she sobbed. I tilted her chin upward and kissed her softly on the lips, slow and gentle, and that seemed to calm her down a bit. "What happened? Tell me."

"I woke up and heard something downstairs. Who knows...who knows how long he's been in my house," she began, shuddering, "I just have no clue. He...he was probably going to steal something...he was a robber...and I had no idea what I was going to do!"

I felt pained. I couldn't watch her like this, she was so afraid. I held her tighter.

"Don't..." I began, wiping her wet tears away with my thumbs.
"Josh, he almost killed me. What if he goes after your house? Nobody around here gets robbed, Josh! Why me?" She asked in horror.

"All robbers need something nice to sell to keep themselves alive, or are jealous...that guy must have taken some jewelry or something...I don't know. He's not coming back, Hayley. He must have targeted your house because your mom left. Next time it's not going to happen again, I'll do everything I can to try and stop this." I tried my best to be as reassuring as I could.

"How do you know?" she asked. "Josh, I don't want to ever be here alone anymore. But my parents are never home..." she paused and looked around. "What's the time?"

"Does that really matter right now?" I replied.

"I don't know. School. It's going to be Friday." Hayley calmed down. She looked up at me, her tears gone. I smiled down at her face and she nuzzled into the crook of my neck.

"We need to call the police," I said. She shook her head. "I don't want my parents to worry," she said against my throat.

"Hayley, they need to. You just got robbed!"

"No," she protested, "Josh, it doesn't matter."

"Yeah it does!" I replied. "Hayles, they are going to catch him. You don't want him bothering you anymore, do you?"

"You don't know for sure that they will," she said stubbornly. "He'll come back. I'm always alone."

I had a sudden idea that I was unsure was the correct solution to this, but I had to try. "Then stay at my place."

She only gave me the expression I expected: shock. "It's a bit sudden," she began, "but it's safer. I don't know, my mom is always out and my dad is never home. But I don't know if they will agree to something so...so insane."

"I'm not asking you to," I interrupted, "I just want you to be safe. I told you, tell them about the situation and they'll agee."

Hayley hugged me tight. We shared a moment of silence in her dark room, nothing but the moonlight streaming through her open window.

"My mom will be here soon. I don't think we need to take it that far," she assured me.

"You sure?" I asked.

"Super sure," she replied, kissing my jaw. I hoped she was right.

HAYLEY'S POV:
The next day I really wanted to skip school. I was extremely sleepy. My eyes wanted to close themselves once that alarm clock rang. I sat up in bed, looked up at the time, feeling like I had absolutely no sleep at all. It was exactly 6:45 AM. After stretching my limbs out and licking my dry lips, I got up and walked towards the bathroom.

I tripped over something large on the floor. I fell on my stomach, face first, against the hardwood floor with a thud. I looked at the floor, Josh's body was slumped there. "What the hell?" I screamed.

"Sorry," he apologized, rubbing his eyes. "I had to stay."

"I said I could take care of myself," I replied sternly.

"What if the robber came back?" He asked.

"So?" I replied, my hands on my hips. "I told you to leave once I got in bed."

He got up on his feet and pulled the door open. "I'll go," he said, but not without flashing me that completely adorable puppy dog face. That was my absolute weakness.

I rolled my eyes. "I hate when you do that!"

Josh laughed.

"Works everytime."

"But seriously, you need to get out. Get ready for school," I ordered.

"Yes, ma'am," he replied, giving me a peck on the cheek and skipping down the stairs.

Once he was out of my room, I picked something out from my closet and did my hair and make up in front of the vanity, still awash with sleep. I then wondered if my mom was here and rushed back downstairs.

"Oh," she began, "Hi. Did you ever plan on telling me who this is and what he's doing here?" Her tone was playful though.

Josh looked my way, a panicked look on his face. "Hi, mom," I said, just as nervous, walking toward them. My face was redder than ever, I could tell. "Hey, Mrs. Williams," Josh said, repeating after my words.

"Hey, you two..." my mom said sarcastically, repeating after us both. "Want to introduce me to him now?" My mom asked, eyeing me up and down.

I hope she didn't think something happened between Josh and I.

I sighed. "Okay," I began, "This is Josh. The guy on the phone from a while ago. We're kind of...I don't know....he hasn't asked yet," I whispered to my mother, closing the gap between her and Josh, now I was in the middle.

"So you two are just friends?" Mom asked.

"Y...yeah kind of," I replied, smiling at him.

"Well pleased to meet you, Josh," mom said. He shook her hand easily and let it drop. "We've been friends since the firs...no, second day of school," Josh said. "I guess."

"Oh," my mom said, nodding. "Well I'm glad she's made lots of friends."

"Yeah, me too," he replied casually, sounding a lot more confident now. I stayed quiet. "You know I feel as weird as you do right now," said Mom towards Josh.

Josh laughed. "Good, I thought it was just me."

My mom laughed along. "Yeah, meeting her guy friends were always a little harder than meeting the girl friends."

"Meeting my brother's girlfriends were strange, too," Josh added. Mom laughed again. This was going well.

"Well, it's good Hayley has a friend like you," she said, walking and placing her bag on the kitchen counter, "at least I know one of them. She rarely introduces me to her new friends." I rolled my eyes at my mom. "We've been writing together. Songs. I stayed with Hayley for the night because..."

I cut Josh off. "I'll explain that to her," I announced. "Thanks, Josh."

"Okay, see you at school Hayley," he said, dropping the entire conversation and walking out the door. Right when he did, mom laughed to herself. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing. He's a charming boy. I'm glad you two are friends."

"Mom, truth is the past three days Josh and I have made out and kissed a little too much that I lost count. It's special now...I know it. And he hasn't asked me out yet."

"So you've been keeping a whole part of your life away from me and your dad?" She asked suddenly, concern in her tone.

"I just didn't think it was that important. You two are so busy right now."

"Hayley, I always have time to hear what's going on in your life," she told me. "You're just never open about it...this is probably the most open you've been this entire school year. Now, what were you going to explain?"

"About what?" I replied.

"Why he stayed the night?"

I came back to my senses. "Oh!" I said in realization. "Actually...a robber broke in last night." As my mind remembered, very clearly, the events of last night, I suddenly tensed up and was afraid. "He came very early morning. I'm not sure the exact time. I don't know what he took, either. I called Josh because I needed some help and I promise I didn't ask him to stay the night. I specifically told him I could take care of myself afterwards but the dude just had to take a nap on the floor, and ended up here all night."

"Sounds like he really cares about you," Mom replied with a grin.

"I think so," I agreed, the giddiness drowning out the sudden fear I felt.

"Hayley, there is something going on that's special."

"I don't have time to talk about that part now," I replied, "We need to talk about the robbery."
"Well why don't you get yourself dressed for school and I'll cook you up some breakfast. Then we can talk about this."

"But I am dressed," I replied, looking over my clothes.

"Hayley Williams, you need to fix that hair of yours up. It looks like you did everything while you were half-asleep!"

That was kind of true, but I didn't tell my mother that. I hauled myself upstairs. Once I managed to look presentable, a bowl of macaroni and cheese awaited my downstairs.

"You know I feel like such a kid," I said, sitting down in front of the food. "I mean my mom is still cooking me my breakfast."

"Let's just get to the whole reason you are going to talk to me. What happened last night, in full detail? Now that it's all dawning on me I'm getting a little freaked out, myself. My jewelry is gone!"

"Well," I started, "I woke up to a loud crash." The events rushed inside my head, and I tried to explain every detail I remembered. "The man had his whole robber clothes on...a mask...a black shirt, I couldn't see well because it was so dark." I thought harder. "Oh, and he pinned me to the wall and threatened to stab me. I was really...really scared." Just then, tears were beginning to prick at my face, and I didn't notice until my mother told me.

"Oh don't cry Hayley," She rushed to my side and held me in her arms. "What else did he do? We'll get to the bottom of this. We have to."

"He told me go back up to my room, and once he closed the door I phoned Josh and he came running down here. I kissed him, and he kissed me. That was enough to calm me down. Mom, it's amazing...him being there for me. It's like I can do anything, like...life is amazing. Like it's worth it."

My mom grinned. "Hayley...you're in love with Josh, aren't you?"

"I don't know how you know that, but...I think I am," I said.

"Honey, moms know everything..usually in one guess sometimes."

I smiled, wiping away the remainder of the tears on my face. "Well I better get going. I'll be late if I don't get to school," I said. I opened the door and walked to school, alone.

Josh waited for me at the front of the school, standing in the parking lot with a smile on his face. I greeted him and we walked side by side, hand in hand. I guess I didn't need to attempt to be subtle...people at school were used to seeing friends holding hands, hopefully it would be nothing more to them. I was still trying to conceal our relationship. "Any plans for today?" I asked. "You've been crying," he said with concern. I touched my eyes, and they were still numb, most probably a little red. "It's noticeable?" I asked, rubbing my eyes. "Kind of. Not really. Don't worry about it," he said, his arm then snaking around my waist and pulling me closer. Zac approached us. "I never talk to you guys," he admitted, standing to the left of me. Now I was the short one, sandwiched in between two tall people. "Well you are always welcome to," I replied, looking up at Zac. He looked down at me, smiling. "She's so short," he mentioned. I frowned. "You made her pissed!" Josh said, though obviously joking.

"No, it's just I hate being short," I replied.

"Sorry," Zac apologized, yet he still seemed a bit sarcastic.

Zac departed and Josh and I walked to science.

"How was the conversation? Was your mom freaked?" He asked me, taking his seat next to mine. "Nah, she was fine. She likes you," I replied. Science passed on, as boring as always.

When we got to Ms. Stoke's class, Jaelyn walked by next to me, cutting in between Josh and I, sandwiching herself in the middle. I found the action rude. "You know my party is tomorrow, right?" she asked, perky, not acknowledging Josh next to her.

"I know," I replied, monotone.

"Oh, so are you still planning on going?"

"I don't think so. Didn't we tell you?"

"Yeah I know," Jaelyn said, "but come on. It's going to be so much fun. And safe. My dad and mom is actually going to be there. I had crazy parties before. I decided to tone things down a bit. There's lots of rumors you know. Josh probably knows..." she looked up at him, but he stayed quiet.

"Well anyways, I am going to make it a normal party. It's your first time going to one, I know. I modified it all just for you, Hayley."

"Really?" I asked in shock.

"Yeah, really. I didn't want to freak you out with drugs and beer and all that. I know it's a senior party but hey, it needs to be safe too. For you, of course."

She seriously wanted to enforce the fact that this whole party was all for me. That I simply could not believe.

"Why did you think of me? It's your party," I pointed out. "Yeah, I know that too," she replied. "Hayley please come. It's going to be extremely boring without you there. You will meet so many new people."

"Um..." I paused, thinking. We entered the classroom and sat in our desks. Once we partnered up for an activity, I discussed the matter with Josh. He just laughed me in the face as I once again tried persuading him.

"Classic," he said.

"What?"

"It's the typical Jaelyn. She's one of those girls, the manipulators. She's so good at acting, remember? Don't you realize that?"

"But she's modified the entire party for me!" I yelled, a little too loud that the people within radius of us had turned their heads.

Josh laughed again. "And so?"

"We should give it a shot. It will be our first official party together."

"I don't want to go back there."

"We can leave early," I offered. "Come on!"

"You go yourself."

"I know you won't let me do that," I replied.

He sighed. "You're right. Because I care. And I don't want you to get hurt. That's the last thing I want to do. She is going to manipulate me or you...make us do something that will hurt the other very much. Why don't we go to another party?"

"There is no other party," I replied.

"Well too bad! So sad!" He said obnoxiously. "Ugh," I groaned, rolling my eyes. This was very hard.

After lunch I walked to sixth period, which was art. A good old elective class, and the teacher was too nice that he was close to a push over. On the door I caught sight of a bright poster. I walked over. It talked of a band who needed a lead singer. They did funk covers, apparently, and was doing a live show at our dances. I jotted down the number to save for later. I don't think Josh is planning to even be a band, and I had dreams, too. This could be my first shot at a real live band. I don't think Josh would mind. If he wanted me to be a band, he would have asked.

As usual I met Josh after school. "Hey Josh," I called out. He turned around and his bright face greeted me. "Hey," he replied. "I saw this poster in art today. They are looking for a lead singer in a band. Do you think I should go try out for it? Seems pretty fun."

JOSH'S POV:
Great. I knew I should have asked her already. "Uh...yeah it's great," I lied. "You should try out." She flashed a bright grin at me. "Thanks."
"No problem," I replied. "You're going to do great." God, I didn't have to reassure her, did I? Stupid, stupid.
Hayley and I walked out towards the sidewalk. "Josh..." she began. "Can you please take me to that party?" her eyes grew wide.
I frowned, not returning her hopeful gaze. "Didn't I already tell you--"
"I know," she replied, "I know everything you said. But really, I...I just think there's something good about Jaelyn. Something changed, maybe?"
I chuckled. "Nope. Nothing will ever change."
"Why not?" She asked.
"Because I know." I replied. Hayley frowned at me again. "Josh, please?"
"No. No. And...no."

Even that stil didn't convince her.

"Fine. I'll go by myself," she concluded.
"What?" I asked in shock. "Doubt it."
"I can so do it," she replied.
"No you can't. I could bet you...but I really don't want to. I know I'd win. You said you wouldn't go without me!"
"Jerk," she replied, crossing her arms.
I just laughed it off. "I know you won't. Can't, that is."
"Shut up," she said, running off. She was too quick to catch, I tried running after her but the green light came on and I almost ran through the traffic. Hayley disappeared into the streets.

---
So how did you like it? Comment anywhere, on Blogger, (if you have a Blogger account..and did you know if you have a LiveJournal, WordPress, TypePad or AIM you can leave a comment? Yeah, just click the comments link on this post and then click 'Open ID' on one of the options and go through the rest. Haha...that was kind of a confusing explanation) comment on Buzznet, (yeah, I have a BuzzNet) or on my YouTube page. I really love the feedback and suggestions I get. Love ya guys!

My Heart CH.15

2009-01-08T18:43:00.000-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story Chapter 15
HAYLEY'S POV:
So you might think that after all that happened he would have asked me out already and gotten it all over with. We could have been more than friends by now. The ice between us was broken, the feelings revealed. But guess what? He didn't ask. Yet.

Josh and I looked through the stuff in my room. With him around, my room seemed much more interesting. We looked through photo albums and journals, now I was unafraid to show him everything. Things he's never seen that I owned.

He joined me on the bed as we laid on our stomachs and scanned my childhood photo album. "Your hair is so messed up in this one," he mentioned, gesturing over towards a photo from when I was six. "Yes, I know," I answered back. "I was playing with some of my friends, I guess."

I silently wondered to myself why he didn't ask me out yet. Was he nervous or just afraid? He kissed me. That should be enough to boost his confidence. Why was he refusing to? "Don't say a word about all this at school. No matter how much you want to," I suddenly told him, as the thought of those girls passed through my head. Once this news hit their heads, I'm sure all hell would break loose, or something of the sort. I hated attention and clingy girls who ask me for all the information possible. "Promise," he said, holding his left hand up. "Thank you," I replied happily. I flipped the page. Josh laughed again and pointed at one of me in the swimming pool. "You were so small here," he mentioned. I just nodded along. "Yeah, yeah. I'm still small now, hello. This is the most embarrassing thing I've showed you yet. But I feel like I don't really need to hide anything anymore....now that you know I'm madly crushing on you," I said. I was glad he was so comfortable to talk to. "So when's your mom going to get home?" He asked. "I don't know. But when she does--"

Josh cut me off.

"I'm not hiding under your bed again," he said.

I laughed and stared at him. "I won't make you. It's the closet this time," I joked.

"Very funny."

"Well I guess you could meet her...if my dad doesn't come along."

"Why are you so afraid of your dad?" He asked again. It was like he simply re-worded the question from before.

"I don't know...I'm just his 'little girl'. You don't want to know how weird it is to talk about guys around him. I just don't feel close to him, I feel more comfortable with my mom."

"That's bad, Hayles. Your dad should be...like your protector. You should be comfortable around him."

"Hey, it's funny. The boy is giving the advice this time," I pointed out. He stared at me with mock surprise. "Yeah," he said.

I finally closed the book and propped myself up on my elbow, looking at him. "I think you should go now," I told him. His smile dropped.

"Do I have to?" He asked me like a child, whining.

"Yes," I said, very straightforward.

"Okay. Fine," he replied, turning and getting off the bed without anymore complaint. I adored that about him, barely any hard-headedness, well, most of the time. "Come on," I said. We walked down the stairs together, and I opened the door for him. "I'll see you tomorrow," I said. He looked back at me with a sad expression. "Don't give me that," I told him, determined to shake off the sadness. "Toughen up. Don't be such a girl."

He laughed. "I will be. For you, that is."

Josh and I looked at each other again.

There's been an awful lot of these awkward silences lately, like I said, we had a tendency to trigger them.

"So you're going to go home now?" I asked him persuasively, eyebrows raised. "Not yet," he said with a smirk, leaning in.

"Josh, come on..." I said, my hands on his chest, pushing him back.

"Hayley.." he said, more leaning.

"The door is kind of open and some people can see..."

"I don't care..." he said, even more leaning, determined.

"I don't want anyone to know!" I said, even louder now.

"Hayley, will you stop talking so can I kiss you now?"

"But we just kissed earlier," I replied.

He just smiled, shook his head, and his lips slammed into mine. Again, a wildfire started, running through my body, making everything around us fade away into a blurred image, nothing but him and only him in my senses. And then it was over. When he pulled away, I sighed at his impatience.

"You better hope that nobody saw that," I warned.

"You better hope that's true," he replied, smug.

"Now leave. You got what you wanted."

"Ok. See you."

I watched him walk off, into the streets, with a somewhat giddier, happier skip in his step. That made me smile, and I closed the door.

I turned and walked into the kitchen. After all those hours, I needed something to eat. I paused in front of the fridge, staring into it without any interest. From out of nowhere, I pinched myself. First, I pinched my left hand. Then my right. Just in case I was dreaming or not, just to check. If I was, I hoped mom didn't come waking me up. I wanted this to last forever.

I woke up the next day, very early, and rushed downstairs to eat my breakfast. Mom wasn't down there, for the second day in a row. But I didn't care, I just needed to eat my cereal quickly, bite a banana and I'd be fueled for the day. Quickly I headed out the door, walking quicker than I usually did, and before I knew it I was in front of the Farro house. I knocked on the door, and Zac answered. He was in his pajamas, a hilarious sight. "Hayley!" he said aloud. "What?!" Another voice called out, anxiety radiating off of it. Zac laughed loudly. "Josh was sleeping. Not anymore. Come in," he said. I laughed. "You're early today," he said, walking back towards the dinner table. "We're just having breakfast."

I heard thumping upstairs, and a crash. Zac laughed to himself. "He's not this crazy every morning."

I walked up the stairs and into the hallway, suddenly crashing into a rushed Josh. I nearly fell forward, but his arms caught me and I dropped into them. "Thanks," I said, scolding myself mentally for my clumsiness. He laughed at me, and placed me back upright. "You're early," he said, breathless. "Well this time I'm the one walking over to your house," I replied, smiling up at him and going up on my tip-toes to peck him softly on the lips. I knocked the breath right out of him, it was obvious in his dazed expression.

"So wrote any good songs lately?" I asked, as we walked downstairs together. "Working on one. I think it will be awesome for your voice," he answered. "Awesome," I acknowledged. Then both our heads turned to Zac, who watched us like he was watching a t.v. show or something. "Sorry. You two have chemistry," Zac pointed out. I blushed. "It's way to early to go to school right now," Josh said. "Want to listen to that song?"

"Sure, why not?" I replied. Again we made our way up the stairs and into his room. He picked up a guitar and began plucking at some strings. "That's the introduction," he said. He grabbed the paper and handed it to me. "Here are the lyrics," he said. "S...s..." I started, trying to get into the right pitch. "Somehow...everything's gonna fal.l..right into place..." my voice cracked. "It's okay, you're doing great," Josh assured me. "If we only had a way to make it all fall faster everyday." Then the tempo sped a little bit. "If only time flew like a dove. Will God make it fly...faster then I'm falling in love." I paused and looked at him. "Josh, that's beautiful." He just smiled modestly. "Thanks," he said. "This time we're not giving up. Let's make it last forever. Singing...ha..." I cracked again, and sighed. "I'll hit that note," I told him with a determined tone. Josh smiled and took the paper. "Should I make it an octave lower?"

I shook my head. "Don't. It's a challenge for me, I'll practice it. And write the rest," I grabbed the paper, stuffing it into my backpack. "So..." I began. "What?" Josh asked. "I don't know. Do something, Josh," I replied. He looked down at the floor. Then his eyes met mine. He leaned in closer, his lips meeting mine.

Another kiss.

I closed my eyes, this time the kiss was softer. My hands knotted in his hair, and his hands fell to the small of my back. He explored every inch of my lips, as I explored his. I felt like a small bomb hit my lips right that moment. He pulled his lips free from mine suddenly, unexpectedly. "Hayley I..." he started. I thought he was ready to tell me he loved me. But it was way too early for that. Then there was a laugh.

Zac looked through, staring at us from the open hatch. Both our eyes looked over at him, narrowed and surprised. He had a smirk on his face. Josh glared, angry. "There's no privacy here," Josh whispered towards me, putting his hands on his forehead. Zac climbed in. "I wanted to come write with you guys...but you're obviously...busy."

"GET OUT, ZAC." Josh interrupted. Zac followed his brother, climbing back downstairs. He took a deep breath and met my gaze. "I'm sorry."

I took his hands in mine. "He's Zac. Didn't you expect something like that to happen?" I asked, smiling up at him. "Don't frown. I don't like that."

He just took me in his arms. We had one moment of silence, and my heart beat, driven by the insane desire for him. I knew only one thing right now. It's that every time I see him, everytime I'm with him, everytime I touch him, there's this feeling I can't describe. Ever since I met him I've felt this way. There was love. I was in love.

Yes, I was in love with Josh Farro.

-----
All I have to say is "aww.." and that the words came to me while writing! I was inspired! Haha. Also, Blogger has got it all wrong..it says it was published January 8, 2009 (at the very top of this post) but it was just published today January 13, 2009. I would have notified everyone if it was published on January 8. Ugh! Blogger is annoying....

My Heart CH.14

2009-01-06T17:34:00.000-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story
CHAPTER 14--A MUST READ!!

JOSH'S POV:
I woke up to my alarm clock and didn't bother hitting snooze. It was Wednesday morning, and mom was home, probably cooking up something downstairs. Zac was in bed, continually hitting the snooze button, and I was, surprisingly, happy to get to school. Usually, it was the time of day I wish I could sleep, but now that this amazing girl has come into my life, I decided maybe sleeping through it would waste the time I had with her. And so I take some time to think about what I should wear, how I should smell, and maybe a shower wasn't such a bad idea. Thoughts swirled in my head, telling me so many different things at once. There was so little distance between me and her now. And then I thought of it.

HAYLEY'S POV:

Yesterday was truly amazing. Well, it could be even more amazing today...or Saturday, even. I stared at my dull closet while scratching at my head. I felt my face crumple, and my head make little fashion choices for me, outfits scrolling through my mind. Pink would be a little too bright, and yellow might look like I took a piss in my pants. I never thought about clothes this way. I used to like my yellow pants, and plain tops. But now I was thinking even more on how I was supposed to look, and the feelings made me feel ridiculous. This was not how I was before, but something was changing me. When the daydreams began, I couldn't stop them. I fantasized me going down the school hallway, in a extremely revealing outfit, every person staring like it was a good thing, especially Josh. I pushed it away, knowing that would never happen, and I would never wear such a thing. High School was already a battleground itself, and dressing best doesn't get you anywhere. I didn't want to impress anyone...but only one. He was excluded from the rest, the one I cared about most. I pulled out a red and black striped shirt. Maybe black pants with it? Or would it be too much black? Maybe make up would brighten it up. Or should I wear a grey shirt with a purple hat? Is it too fashionable? Too bare? So many questions.

I needed to decide.

I pulled out the grey long sleeved shirt. I put on the purple hat. Not bad, it suited the weather. It was still autumn. I only realized now that it was already early October. Guess I had lost track of time when I was around Josh. I looked at myself in the mirror. This would have to do. Black pants would be fine. And lip gloss. Ugh. So many possibilities, so many ways to look great. I decided not to overdo it, and I put on a clear, soft shine lip gloss and light eyeshadow.

Mom was at work. Dad wasn't here, either. I was alone for once, without noticing it. Without mom, I was hopeless in the kitchen. I peered into the fridge, and found some cheese left out and salmon. I skipped dinner last night, because I was busy with homework upstairs. Mom left a note on the salmon plate.

Hayles--just in case you get hungry. MOM

That was my breakfast I guess, so I heat it up and quickly gulped some of it down. It was exactly 7:30 AM. I rested my cheek in my palm as I stared, bored, into the cracks of paint in the walls, picking at my food. A knock startled me, and I nearly jumped backwards out of my chair.

I unlocked the door, opening it to find Josh standing there with a red face. "I was just wondering if you wanted to walk to school with me," he said shyly. What brought on the shyness? He seemed...meek now...had something changed between us? The red on his face began to fade away slowly. "Sure." I replied, no further comment.

"So were your parents home?" He asked, as we began walking down the street. "No, they're working or something. Not sure," I replied.

"So what do they do?" He asked, a bit too formal, so much so that it didn't sound like Josh.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked him, worried.

"Why? Is there supposed to be something wrong?" He inquired, just as confused as I was.

"No. But why do you talk to me like I'm someone new you've never met? Like we aren't friends?" I asked sternly. I didn't like my tone, but I was afraid.

"Sorry. Jeez," he replied. I bit my lip. "Look, sorry that I'm being clingy," I admitted. I didn't want a fight to brew up right now. I had no luck in that department.

"Let's start over," Josh suggested, pausing. He held his hand out and smiled like a business man trying to sell a house. "Hi, my name is Josh."

I laughed and played along. "Hayley." We shook hands. I didn't want to let go, his hands felt amazing, but I had to. I giggled foolishly again. "Okay, so what do your parents do as their jobs agian?" He asked, with the normal Josh voice I knew and loved.

"My mom is a nurse. She's only part time and there isn't much demand for her, or she just doesn't feel like working. I mean she's usually a stay home mom. I like it better that way. That's why she understands me more than my dad, who's working two jobs. He is a salesman and also works at the office. His work is out of town, so I rarely see him."

"So you've got like, no contact?"

"No," I replied, sounding a little too cheerful despite the question that didn't call for a happy attitude, "I can talk to him sometimes. But it's pretty rare or unusual for him to be home early. I don't know why, but sometimes he doesn't even show up at all." The thought interrupted me for a moment, and more thoughts swirled inside my head, jumping to possibilities.

"Well there's no time to wonder now, because we've got science in five minutes," Josh announced. We walked into the school parking lot together, and others, who were just getting out of their shiny cars, looked at us in wonder. What were they thinking? That Josh and I were dating? Because if they were...that would be far from the truth, no matter how much I wanted it to be true.

"Just ignore them," Josh whispered, noticing. It was uncomfortable, like I entered the first day of school all over again. More eyes staring at me and wondering what I was doing next to him. I imagined what they must have thought in their heads. A normal, average girl next to one of the school's most sought-after guys. I cringed mentally at the thought that I didn't belong anywhere near him.

Jaelyn then approached out of no where, like a lion ready to pounce on it's prey, and I was startled by the sudden appearance. "Hey Hayley!" she said with a perky voice. She narrowed her eyes at the boy next to me, acknowledging him with a nod. "Josh." The way she said his name was absolutely full of spite, or jealously, I wasn't quite sure. "So what are you guys up to?" Madison and Alexa then joined and Jaelyn, taking their places on either side of her. "Uh...we're just trying to get to class," I replied honestly, a crack in my voice that was triggered by the anxiety I felt when Jaelyn was around. Josh stayed silent, but stood closer to me. "Oh my God, did you hear about how the school is cancelling some of the electives for us next semester?" Jaelyn asked, though she seemed uninterested and was just trying to make conversation. "Um...no," I mumbled, though it sounded more like a question than a montone response. "Anyways, Hayley, do you think you're still going to come to my party? This Saturday?" She stared at me with hopeful eyes, expecting a yes.

I needed to think straight in order to answer her question. "You know, actually," Josh began for me, "Hayley and I are going somewhere. I think we'll both be unable to make it."

Jaelyn immediately frowned, it was obvious she was trying to mask her disapproval.

"Come on Hayley," Josh instructed, hastily dragging me away, his hand hard and cold against my wrist. Right then the bell rang. I could feel Jaelyn's hot, uncomfortable stare follow me, burning a hole through my back.

I took my seat, and then Ms. Wells entered, grabbing a piece of paper from her desk. "I've got good news for some of you," she announced, clasping her hands together.

"Are we switching seats?" An obnoxious voice called out from the back row.

Ms. Wells respectfully smiled, though the tension in her face gave away the irritation she felt, and then nodded. "Yes, we are. You know, I thought maybe switching every two months or so would be good for all of us. You all need to get to work with new people and stop hating on each other."

Her attempt at using the modern language of teenagers did not pull through.

Some people giggled to themselves, quietly whispering to each other. Ms. Wells then asked everyone to stand up and stand in the back. I couldn't help but overhear more whispers, some meaner than others.

"So do you think Hayley Williams and Josh are dating?" One girl asked, disgusted. I felt a wave of spite crash over me, threatening to knock me over.

"They are spending an awful a lot of time with each other," another voice replied. The two stared at Josh and I, standing side by side, as if to prove their point. I heard other whispers. "I really want to sit next to Josh," a girl said giddily, whispering to her friend. "He's the cutest one here."

I lightly shoved Josh, who stood next to me, and smirked. "Hear that?" I giggled.

He let out a quick chuckle and nodded."I knew she was switching our seats," he whispered to me, completely changing the topic. "So I convinced her to let me sit next to you. And the deal's done, we're sitting next to each other."

Sparks of energy moved through my body at the sudden revelation. "You're kidding, right?"

"Nope," he replied proudly. As she called the seats, Josh was right, and we were both sat in the corner of the room, towards the back. Many students, most girls, gazed toward us in the back with jealousy in their eyes, some rolling them, some scoffing. "I'm trying to ignore them." I whispered.

"What?"

"Their eyes. They keep...looking. Nothing's going on between us, don't they get that?"

He shrugged casually. "Well I'm used to it. I don't know why they stare so much," Josh replied. "Maybe it's my devilish good looks."

I smiled, though his attempt at humor didn't do a good job of easing the tension I felt with all these people.

Their gazes made me afraid. All of a sudden, science was going by a lot slower due to my distractions, and I couldn't wait for the bell to ring.

Once it did, I was out of my seat before everyone else.

Of course I was even happier once the end of the school day came. Walking with Josh truly was the best part, it was the simple time that we got to know each other better, although usually the time was wasted talking about the most random subjects.

"I hope my parents aren't home," I told Josh, as we walked up the dirt path and back onto the sidewalk, like usual. "And why is that?" He asked playfully. I rolled my eyes and smiled. "Because I want you to come over."

"Wouldn't your dad kick me out or something?" He asked questionably, as we continued our walk.

"I don't know. It would be really weird though. His eyes will follow us everywhere, and every five minutes that man will be checking on us."

Once we arrived at the front of my house, my heart was beating much too fast to be considered healthy, completely uncertain of who was dwelling in my house. I opened the door slowly and didn't hear a word. Sticking my head inside, I peeked into the house and took a look around. "It's clear," I mumbled to Josh, relieved.

"I feel like a secret agent, Hayley. It's like we're breaking in or something. Are your parents that bad? Or maybe the better question is why won't you let me introduce myself to your dad?"

"Because," I started, trying quickly to think of a good response, "because...I don't know. I'm scared."

"I can handle fathers," he said confidently.

"I know you can," I replied, dropping my backpack on the couch, "but like you said before, we're not dating."

"I...I know," he answered, sitting down next to me. He absorbed everything that was in my house for a minute, scrutinizing every detail. "Really nice place," he commented.

"Well I wouldn't know, I've only been here for a few months."

"Then you should think of it more as a home now. You'll feel better about it that way. It's yours, a place where you can do anything and anything can happen."

I shrugged. "Impressive. That sentence could be good to place on a front door mat."

He laughed. "I should have brought my guitar."

"You know it would be cooler if we hung out at your place. At least you have an extra drumset there," I told him. "Guess you coming over here wasn't such a great idea. Look how completely boring my house is."

"But the neighbors would complain about the noise. And that's pretty bad when they do," Josh retaliated.

"Oh. Well why don't we just write songs with Zac, then?"

"So you're kind of interested in being a band member, right?" Josh said, from out of the blue, "There is obvious enthusiasm in you."

"It would be useful to put this singing to work," I acknowledged.

"And your voice is truly magnifique," he said, in an Italian accent, gesturing his hands to his lips like he was one of those Italian pizza makers who had just created a masterpiece.

"It's not bad," I replied.

"Hayles, modesty doesn't really get you anywhere."'

"Yeah it does," I argued, "And anyways, why does it matter that I join a band?"

"Nothing. Just wondering," he answered. "Anyways...I haven't even checked out your girl room yet." Both his eyebrows raised and he looked at me suggestively.

Once he made that statement, I quickly thought back to how my room looked like. It had clothes on the floor, and wasn't nearly as big as his. "It's cluttered and girly. End of story," I said. "That's not a good enough description," Josh replied, his voice so persuasive that I would have given in right then and there--but I couldn't.
"Well I could tell you about it and you can visualize it."
"Come on, is it that bad?" Josh asked.
"Uh...yeah! It is," I said to him, sounding serious and desperate that I surprised even myself. "And I could keep writing songs for you," I offered. "We could leave right now."

"Not until I see your room. I will stay until your parents come home."

I groaned. "Stop being so annoying!" I replied.
"Hayley come on. I won't make fun of you. What's the worst thing? I find your underwear on your floor?" Josh asked. "It could be worse," he added.

"You're being an ass," I replied.

"I said I'm not leaving until you show me."

"Stop being so stubborn!" I complained, raising my voice.

"Uh...I don't think I'm the stubborn one here." His eyes looked directly into mine and did that whole "boyish look" thing that had my knees absently lock and my heart beat just a bit faster.

It was impossible to ignore those eyes--they were incredibly persistent and had me feeling things I would have never felt when looking into someone else's eyes. "Come on." I said, giving in. I grabbed his hand, pulling him quickly up the stairs. "It's going to be a mess, but it doesn't smell bad at least,"
I clasped my hand around my bedroom's doorknob and took a breath before opening it. "Here it is."

He looked at my room quickly and turned to me with a smirk. "This is bad?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "Okay...so maybe I exaggerated a little. I just thought my room was super messy." I looked at the shirts on the floor and the books on the bed. He was right, it wasn't that bad. Just in my eyes.
My eyes then trailed over to find the diary sitting plainly on my bed--and my eyes widened. Shit, shit, shit.
No--that had...everything.
Josh, with his uncanny ability in observing, noticed my immediate nervous reaction. He quickly grabbed it from the bed and raised it up. "Josh, give it back!" I yelled, chasing him around the room.
"So what do we have here?" he said, holding it above his head, reading one entry. "There are tons of freaks in the school...but there's this one guy..." Before he could read anymore, I pounced on him, and we landed on my bed, me on top of him. "Hand it to me," I said lowly, narrowing my eyes. "Or I'll pin you down."

Josh just laughed. "I don't think you can pin me down even if you had the chance."

"Just give it!" I yelled.
"Woah, woah! Okay. Here." He said, defeated. He handed my back the diary, and I grunted as I made an effort to get myself off of him. He pulled me back down, our faces only inches apart. "I know what it said," He said seriously.
I gulped, looking at him as we lay in this position. "I know what you wrote in there."

"You do?" My voice was a meek whisper against his face.

"Yep," he said.

I sighed. "Okay, Josh. You know it. I like you. And now I'm dead!"

"No. No, you're not." He started off with what I knew was a serious expression...but he then burst out laughing like none of this was happening. "Wow! You know, I didn't really read it, I just mentioned it. I was just trying to get you to admit it. I didn't know you really wrote that in there!" He was trying to breathe in between his guffaws, barely able to hold himself together.

"Oh wow! God!" I yelled, heaving myself off of him. "Well now you know."
I stood up, and he rose from his position on the bed. He looked me in the eyes and we stood there in my room. "I like you too," he whispered, grabbing my hand. "Don't be mad. Please?"

I was trying to get my thoughts together, registering the fact that he...he liked me. Too. Then there was that awkward silence. We just looked into each other's eyes, and I couldn't avoid his gaze for a second. It was dead on silent. My hand was in his. We went from joking, to chasing, to yelling and now this. The awkwardness was eating away at me. I slipped my hand out of his and released the grip, walking hastily towards the door.

But I was too slow. He pulled me back with minimal force, spun me around, and kissed me.

It was so real, so true, even if it was our first time. Something like a wildfire struck me and sent my body in a frenzy. I knew this wasn't a dream, that the guy I've been crushing on was kissing me madly now, lips hot against mine. His hands on my face felt like fire, and I was burning. There was no pain, just excitement. His mouth on mine, it was surreal, and everytime we moved I felt a jolt...is this why they say you feel sparks when you kiss?

Without releasing my lips from his, I led us to the bed and I collapsed on top of him, lips still searching for his. I opened my mouth wider and pulled him closer to my body, arms around his neck, his torso...everywhere. I did my best to release all the confined passion inside of me; I'd been waiting for this moment since I had realized my feelings for him. It was too good to be true, but it was true, and most definitely good. Then I heard the door downstairs open, and that broke our kiss immediately. "Hayles?" A deep voice called. I looked up, in shock, and at the clock. It was already 6:00. And dad was home?

I also forgot one little detail as well: Josh was here.

And we were making out.

And my dad was home.

This was not the situation I wanted to be stuck in right now. Josh noticed, too. "Crap!!!" I whisper-yelled. "We are so dead! No...I'm dead."

"What do I do?" He asked, just as fidgety as I was.

"Hide!" I told him, opening the bedroom door. "I'm up here, just doing homework!" I yelled out towards my dad, stalling. "Okay honey!" Dad replied, oblivious.

"Where?" He asked, panicking.

"Uh...uhm..." I said, grabbing the back of my head. I was about to tear my hair out. I let a boy in here without my parents knowing. What would my dad think? He wouldn't let me out of the house! "Under my bed!" I told him.

"Wha..." he protested.

"Just go, Josh!" I whispered loudly. He then crawled under my bed without protest. I knealed down, looking at him laying there. "You okay?" I asked.

"It's tight, but I'm not claustrophobic. I'll sneak out the window when the coast is clear," he said.

"I'm so sorry," I apologized, shaking my head. "I shouldn't have invited you."

"No, don't say that," he began. "If you didn't invite me, this would have never happened. I would have never felt how it was to kiss you."

I smiled, but my heartbeats and the situation drowned out the happiness. "I'll see you in a bit. Sorry, Joshie."

"Awesome. I have a nickname now," he replied. I smiled and kissed his lips quickly before getting back up from my kneeling position.

I laughed softly, still completely spinning and high from the happiness. "Yeah. Okay. I gotta go...clear the coast," I told him, and he smiled that amazingly beautiful, wide smile of his that just made me want to stay with him more. I felt so bad leaving him down there. I ran downstairs before Josh could suffer any further.

"Hey daddy," I said, kissing him on the cheek. I needed to be innocent, the girl he knew. "Don't worry Hayley, I just stopped by here for a quick dinner. Tell your mom hello for me, I won't be home when she comes back from work." "Will do, dad," I replied sweetly. He took out something from the fridge and grabbed a brown paper bag from one of the cabinets. He tied it, and I watched his every move, heartbeats still loud and fast against my chest. "Is there some reason you seem so skittish right now?" He asked me, suspicious. My eyes widened. "No! It's just I was really...like, bored when I was alone. So it's just pretty cool I have company right now. But you can go if you want. I know how busy you are."

"I can stay and--" he started. I interrupted.

"No!" I yelled, sounding super anxious. "I...I mean I'm fine here." I said, attempting to compose myself.

"Okay Hayles..." he said slowly, still inquisitive. "I'm leaving now." Dad opened the door and walked away. I watched through the window, watching him leave in his car. Once he was off, I rushed upstairs to Josh. He was already out from under the bed and looking through my bedroom window. "What the hell are you doing?" I asked. He jumped.

"Sorry," I said, walking towards him. "Did I scare you?"

"No...I was just watching if your dad was leaving. I heard the conversation. That was...sort of hilarious, really," he replied.

"You're such an ass," I told him, laughing.

Josh took me in his arms and laid my head against his chest, his hand on the back of my hair. We sat on my bed. "I can't believe everything that happened today," he told me, sighing. "I can," I said, grinning. He looked down towards me. "Yeah...and it was all really nice. I really like you, Hayley. I really, really like you."

"I like you too, Josh," I replied, on the verge of giggling.

"Not even really, really like me?" he asked playfully.

"Okay," I said, sighing, "I really, really, really, super really like you," I smiled. "Was that good?"

Josh laughed at me. "Perfect."

_____________________________________________________

I WROTE A LOT! Wow, I hope you like it! I loved everything that happened in this chapter. Don't forget to leave your comments on my YouTube channel, or leave comments on this post if you have a Blogger account. If you don't have a YouTube sorry that you can't comment, but it would be really nice to hear your comments! If you are a reader and support this series I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it. Thanks so much..and there is surely more of Josh and Hayley to come! I cannot stop thinking about this series..but just wait for Chapter 15! There's Para-MORE to come!!

My Heart CH.13

2009-01-04T19:56:00.000-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story
Chapter 13

HAYLEY'S POV:

There was some tension at first, but I couldn't help myself. I guess a gravitational pull just was doing it's thing, pulling us together. He loosened his grip on the guitar, moving in toward my face, and me doing the same. We both agreed, in our own minds, that this was okay, and nobody was watching. This whole place was dim, dark and quiet, and I could hear my heart beat against my chest as if it would explode any second. But come to think of it, that always happens around him. These thoughts are moving too fast. We were friends. Just friends? No, we were close. Becoming better friends. Becoming more than friends.

JOSH'S POV:

What was I doing? It was slow and I was hesitating. Do I really want this? Once I was about to touch her lips, she turned her head. "I'm sorry," she said softly. Oh, Hayley. Don't be sorry. We both wanted to.

"No. Don't be," I told her sincerely. I grabbed her hand. I could see she was getting nervous. "Hayley, seriously, don't be sorry."

"Well at least now I can breathe," she said, composing herself again. "Josh...I think we just...you know....um..."

"Movie?" I asked, before she could run and I would be alone. She smiled at me. "Thanks for finishing that sentence. I feel like such a dork."

"Come on. Just leave the stuff here, no one is going to get it."

"You sure about that?" She asked, obvious skepticism.

"Yeah. It's been many years. I think these instruments can take care of themselves." She laughed. I hoped she was okay.

We both left, and my hand was still in hers. She didn't want to let go, and I didn't, either. Are friends even supposed to this? But I liked holding her hand. I liked being near her. Maybe I should just ask her out..

or not.

I knew she didn't want to do that stuff. Or does she? I can't read minds, but if I could, and I knew she liked me back, I would totally ask her out. God, why was I thinking like this?

We walked towards the bus stop, and I explained how the cinema was one trip down the highway. Luckily I had enough money for the both of us. Of course I would let her choose the movie and let her buy the food with my money. I think that's the way to go, because most guys should treat even his best dudette friends with respect...or did I always just treat her to these things because I...liked her? I shook the thought away. We boarded the bus. I hope her mom isn't worrying and that her dad can accept me..if I ever meet them.

"So...I'm sorry again," she said. I sighed and looked her in the eyes, shaking my head. "Hayley, stop saying you're sorry. I told you, we both aren't at fault here. That was just random. Maybe." I said the word 'maybe' quietly to myself. I noticed she was still holding my hand tightly, and I liked it. "So what do you want to see?" I asked her.

"I don't want something super gushy and love-y. I think I'd enjoy some horror flick or good explosion movie. Not trying to be a boy or anything, but....yeah. Well you can pick," she said.

"No, you pick," I replied without hesitating.

She looked down and smiled, and then looked back at me with those big, green eyes. "So...up for a shoot-down? I don't know, something with a mix of tension, thriller and big guns?" She asked with a laugh. I just looked at her for a while.

"Earth to Josh?" she asked, snapping in front of my face.

"Oh," I realized my trance-like state, widening my eyes. "Sorry. We'll watch whatever you want."

She laughed. "Yeah, okay."

Once we arrived at the theater, that fresh popcorn smell immediately welcomed us both. Hayley and I looked up at the black movie board, with the red tinted titles of movies and movie ratings flashing across the screen. "Well, I believe it's lady's choice," I told her. She looked up at the board with curious eyes, probably debating which movie was more fun to watch. Once she finally made up her mind, we bought two tickets. We both then approached the snack counter and the chubby guy in a red uniform at the register frowned at us, eyes bored and tired. We bought a large popcorn, two large candy bars and two sodas. "Okay, I think the movie's going start in five minutes. I gotta go to the bathroom but I'll see you inside, okay?" Hayley said.

"Sure, Hayles," I replied.

I entered the dark theater. The commercials were still playing. I found two close seats and put the popcorn and sodas in place. Once I sat down I heard a familiar voice. "Josh?"

When I turned back, I realized who it was. It was Luke, with a few of his friends. "Dude, what are you doing here?!" he said out loud. A few people told him to shut up, but as Luke would do, he ignored.

"I'm actually here with..." she then appeared next to me, as if on cue, and Luke exclaimed out her name. "Hayley!"

"Oh my God! What's up, Luke?" Hayley said in a hushed whisper. "Oh, it's cool. And you guys here on a date or something?" He asked that question with such force, like he didn't want a 'yes' to that question. "No, we're not." Hayley replied quickly. "Oh okay then. You think we can hang out later?" Luke asked again. "I've got homework to do. But we can always sit together at lunch and catch up on things, it's still hanging out," Hayley replied simply. I looked at her with a half-smile and we both then turned towards the screen and laughed quietly to each other. I leaned in toward her ears. "You know," I whispered, "I think Luke's got the hots for you. Rumor's been going around."

"No way! Luke?" She exclaimed quietly. "I hope he doesn't ask me out. I wouldn't want to turn the poor guy down."

"So you would say no to him?" I asked. "No offense to the guy, but yeah. He's not really my type of guy. But he's cool, at least." After realizing we were being hushed by more than five people, Hayley and I turned our heads toward the screen without another word.

As the movie passed by, occasionally we would reach for the popcorn at the same time and our hands would touch, hers usually warmer than mine, and this spark would go through me. It's never really happened before, but somehow I was feeling...different. As if something new, something completely foreign, was entering my system and I wasn't sure if it would leave or not.

We exited the movie theater quickly so Luke and his friends wouldn't be able to catch up later, and Hayley didn't want them to hang with us anyways. Or maybe it was me, but hey, she didn't have any objections. Once again we boarded the bus.

"So got any Jaelyn ideas?" she said, looking back up at me with green eyes that suddenly impacted me in an unexplainable way.

"No. You?"

"Not really. I don't really want to go to that party."

"Really?" I asked, with surprise.

"Well we haven't been talking about revenge. Maybe on Saturday it could be another songwriting day, but with Zac on drums at that awesome practice building. I never heard him play."

"He's a beast on the drums," I replied. She laughed. "Well that will just make it more interesting to hang with him."

"Then let's do it. We can all do some band-like stuff. Even though we all aren't officially a band."

"Okay. Saturday's plans are way better now," she told me with that beautiful grin. "Thanks for the invite."

"No problem." I said with a smile. She then returned that smile, laughing, and the entire bus ride I found myself enjoying her company more and more.

We got to my street. "So until tomorrow then?" I asked.

"Yeah. And until Saturday for that band practice," she replied. "The first of many, I hope," I added. She went walking towards her house, and though I wanted to walk her there like a gentleman, I knew she could take care of herself.

I opened the door. It wasn't too late, and mom and dad weren't home. Not surprising. Zac was at the dining room table, working on homework or something. He looked up at me. "How was the date?"

"What date?"

"You and Hayley Williams. There's something going on, Josh. Don't deny it," Zac said.

"We're just friends," I replied, avoiding the topic and looking into the fridge.

"Mmm-hmm." Zac replied, looking down at his papers, disbelieving.

"Ugh." I replied, carrying a glass of orange juice to the table. "So what is that anyways?"

"It's another song. I figured since you and Hayley wrote the first one I might as well get to work on some other ones."

"You? Working?" I asked sarcastically.

"Ha-ha, very funny. But really. So have you written more? With her?"

"Kind of," I replied.

"So did you ask about the band thing?" Zac said.

"Yeah. She agreed--no, she asked me about it, but I don't want to rush the whole thing. Asking her directly is going to be a bit hard. Got any ideas on how we could give her some kind of message before we ask her? About joining us?"

"We should give her a mix CD of the songs we like. She'll get into the sound and then we can ask, if she seems willing. I'll give it to her...because I know how you get all tense around her."

I hit Zac jokingly, and he pulled his arm away. "It's true!" he added. "Come on, I know you want to ask her out."

"I don't know how she's going to take it, Zac."

"I do. She's going to say yes. Simple as that," Zac replied.

"How are you so sure?" I interrogated.

"Because I can see the future!" Zac replied in an eerie, ominous voice. "Shut up," I told him, rolling my eyes. I headed upstairs and lay down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Oh Hayley. What are you doing to me?

***

My Heart CH.12

2009-01-03T15:57:00.000-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story
CHAPTER 12

HAYLEY'S POV:

I got excited right as the last bell rung to release us all from school. Jaelyn tried to get in my way the entire day, asking me questions like if I would go to her party, the classic "trying to be friends" with me questions that I've heard from many plastic people before. She's not the first mean girl I've encountered through my journey of being here. Hopefully she also wouldn't meddle with Josh and I. Oh great. Now I'm sounding like we were dating, which we were definitely not. Ugh. Gotta work on the whole "non-clingy" thing.

I met Josh again at the end of the school day, with a wide grin. "So where is this infamous place you are talking about?" I asked, as we began to walk up the dirt path and into the sidewalks. "Oh you'll see. There are tons of places like that in this town though. But I don't want to spoil anything else," he said with a smile. "Oh okay. I really don't like guessing though," I replied. "I'm not asking you to. Just wait. Hey, did you clear things with your parents? Did you tell them you weren't going to be home?"

"Yeah. Totally. My mom's cool with that stuff. My dad's kind of getting used to me hanging out with guys. I mean I had tons of friends that were girls before, and he wasn't scared then, but now he's a little worried. But he'll just have to live with it."

Josh laughed. "They sound pretty strict."

"Well at first, but I'm the only one they have right now. You know how it can be. I'm an only child, still a teen, and they're trying to protect me and all that stuff. Parents are like that."

"Oh I get it," Josh exclaimed.

"Well that's cool," I said, illustrating the theme of nonchalant. I noticed Zac in front of their house as we passed it, in front of their door, fumbling with something. I didn't know if he was having any trouble exactly.

"Isn't that Zac?" I asked Josh, nodding over towards his house. His head turned immediately towards the house. "Looks like he can't get that door open."

"I don't know. There are two scenarios to this. One, he is trying to be a burglar and practicing on our door, two, he forgot the keys."

"I'm gonna have to go with two," I said sarcastically.

He laughed. "Come on." We crossed the street to his house. Zac looked at both of us, his face flushed red. "I can handle this, you can watch," he said confidently.

"Right." Josh replied. "Here," he pulled out some keys from his pocket. "Trust me, you can't open a door with your finger nails. No matter how long they are." Josh gestured towards Zac's long finger nails. "I would recommend a trim on those, as well."

"They could come in handy for breaking into a lock." Zac replied, shrugging. "Thanks for the keys." He opened the door and handed them back to Josh.

"You might want to go make a copy of this," Josh said. "Where did you loose them anyways?"

"I didn't. I just left them at home," Zac told him from behind the screen door. "So go on with your business. I think you two have things to do. Hey, that rhymed."

I laughed.

"That wasn't funny. But hey, you laughed. I like her Josh. You know how to pick them." Zac told me. Josh rolled his eyes, and I felt awkward, the topic of their conversation.

"Okay. Well, don't loose the keys and I'll see you later." Josh hurried his words, leaving quickly. I followed him and we crossed the street again, and continued walking down the sidewalk. It only took ten minutes until Josh stopped in front of an old building. It had paint that was unfinished and a wall made of bricks. The door looked like a restaurant door, and was the only thing that looked nice in this place. It has stained glass design on the middle of it. "Well this is it, the famous building," Josh announced.

At first I thought it was a joke, but he didn't budge or laugh, so I then realized he was serious. "This...is it?" I asked him in shock. "Okay, I know it isn't much but it's cool on the inside. This place is an old dance studio."

"But it's locked." I pointed out.

"Haven't you heard of bobby pins?" Josh asked, pulling one out of his pocket.

"So you're a criminal now?" I asked him suggestively, eyebrow raised.

"Hey, I'm not that bad," Josh said jokingly. I sighed in relief. "Good." He just laughed while messing with the lock. "This is also where Zac and I practice. The sound is incredible inside, the echo and all."

Once he opened the door, I instantly noticed the completely giant size of the room. Instead of walls, the room had all around mirrors, with a horizontal golden pole attached all around. Just like a ballet studio. It smelled like a car's air freshener inside, and a drum set, two microphones with stands and a single guitar stood in place in the middle of the room. On the corner was a t.v. set and a radio. More music sheets and paper was spread around the sides. But the equipment didn't nearly fill the place at all. There was a lot of room to move. "Wow." I exclaimed, my voice echoing throughout the place. "Wow. The sound is awesome." I exclaimed again. "Yeah it is," Josh replied. "Oh wait," he said with a snap, "I forgot my other guitar back home. I could go-"

"No, I can sing." I suggested, stopping him. "It's enough trouble you brought me here already."

"That's cool of you, Hayley," He told me.

"No problem. As long as you've got some music sheets and a full mind for music creating, it's all good," I replied. We both took a seat in the middle of the dim room. There was barely any sunlight except some moving in from the windows up above. The lights were out, and dusty, so I doubted they would even work. Josh pulled out the first song we wrote, Conspiracy. "I continued writing the bridge. Zac even wrote his own part, so it's a full song right now."

"Nice job. Do you mind playing it? I could sing it with this awesome microphone," I gestured towards the black mics that had stands.

"I don't mind," Josh smiled, as he placed his fingers on the first string and began to pluck the intro of the song. As the first verse came, I was a bit scared to begin singing, but as the music played along and echoed throughout the entire building, I felt even more confident. There was no one watching, no one going to laugh if I screwed up. The feeling of singing that song in such a room with amazing acoustics was simply undescribable.

"You're an amazing singer." Josh complimented.

"Thanks." I replied.

We looked at each other again, eyes locked. It was an awkward, silent moment. We had a tendency of doing this, I noticed. I smiled. He smiled back. It was a good feeling. I walked towards him, and he let his guitar hang there. I felt my face inch closer to his.

My Heart CH.11

2009-01-01T22:52:00.000-08:00

My Heart: A Joshayley Story
CHAPTER 11

The next day came by just as every other, and the same old school routine was in effect. Not only was it boring, but to Hayley, the only time school was good was when it was lunch, and when she walked home with Josh. The two talked more and the school was in a buzz. Today was also the day she would have to convince her parents to let her go to Josh's.

Once she got home, only her mom was home, making something foreign on the stove. It smelled strange and Hayley realized it was probably another experiment. She came up slowly in the kitchen and sat on the high chair by the kitchen counter. "Uh..watcha cooking there, mom?" She asked casually. "It's just something I found online. I am so excited for you to taste it, Hayles. It smells really good!" Hayley just smiled kindly, hoping it really did taste good and her mom wouldn't be disappointed. "So um...yeah I've made some really good friends, mom," Hayley began. Her mom smiled and looked over at her. "Oh yeah? Well honey tell me all about it."

"Yeah okay so...well there's this one guy, the guy that called last time," Hayley paused to think back on the events, realizing she yelled at her mom that time. "Oh my gosh I'm sorry I yelled at you that time he called, mom. I was just stressing and all."

"Honey I've forgotten long about that. I understand," her mom replied.

Hayley looked at her and exhaled, relieved. "Oh okay. Well yeah, anyways he's um, you know...invited me to his house. I mean his brother is there. His parents won't be home by six, and you know we're just really, really good friends right now," Hayley's face felt so red. "So I was wondering if I could keep them company and you know, hang out there? I'll be back around five or something..."

"So you're just asking for permission?" Her mom asked.

"Y..yeah." Hayley replied meekly.

"Well sure, Hayley! You've made new friends! Just promise there aren't going be any risky business because you're gonna go to a home with two young boys and you know..."

"Woah, woah way ahead of you mom," Hayley said. "I'm totally going to be safe and I promise if they start that type of business I swear I'll slap them both silly and run off," She and her mother shared a laugh and her mom nodded her head again.

"Okay, go on ahead Hayley. Your dad won't be back until eight so you might as well get home before then, hon. See you later." Hayley kissed her mom and then left out the door. Once she was out the door, she was surprised to see Josh already there, walking towards her house. "Oh my God! What are you doing here?" Hayley asked, caught off guard. She quickly walked away from her house, dragging Josh by the arm. "I was supposed to meet you at your house." "Yeah," Josh began, "but I was pretty worried your parents would say no and I thought maybe if I could come over and introduce myself, let them know it will be okay and all."
"So you were going to actually come and meet my parents?" Hayley was surprised.
"Yeah. But hey, you're out, so come on."

HAYLEY'S POV:
We began walking, and not far from my house was his. Of course we were on the opposite ends of each other, but I didn't realize our houses were that close. Once we stopped in front of a tall, white, and quaint house, I figured it would be his. "So yeah, this is...it." he told me, acting as if there was nothing to the situation at all. I looked up at it without a word and he led me to the front door. Inside, you could see a stairway towards the left, the living room, a fireplace, a drum set, and the dining room towards the right of the house. "Zac's on the couch, eating and watching TV. Typical behavior," Josh smirked. I nodded and smiled. "So...are we going to talk to him?" I questioned. "Do you want to?" Josh replied, sounding like the thought was a bad idea. "Why? Is it bad?" I asked, letting my thoughts come out of my mouth. "No..no, not bad. Wow, seriously now. What are we doing? He's my brother. He's younger. I don't understand how this could be a problem." Josh took my hand and we both walked towards the living room.

"Hey Zac," Josh said, monotone.

"Hey. 'Sup," Zac replied, without even looking up. He put a chip into his mouth.
"So..." Josh began, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"So?" Zac replied, still staring at the TV. He picked up another chip, but suddenly dropped it. It was an abrupt movement. I stayed still.

"You must be Hayley," Zac looked up at me, and I only smiled and nodded. "Yep. That's my name."

"Well, Josh told me you were coming over. He got all excited, I mean he..." Josh started making some peculiar movements, like he was trying to stop his brother from saying anything further.

"Oooh......" Zac began, looking up at his brother, like something big just hit him, "I get it."

"I think we've all met each other here, right?" Josh announced in a low, shaky voice. He took a moment to compose himself and began walking away. I followed. "Nice to meet you, Hayley!" Zac called out after me, half-waving. I turned back to him and flashed my gap-tooth smile. "You too."

Josh and I went upstairs, passing by two bedrooms. There was a short ladder at the end of the hallway, leading up to hole in the wall. He unlatched something and it slid some wood to the right, opening up the hatch. "My room's up here," he said. He climbed up first, and then I did, feeling like a child climbing into a treehouse. I didn't expect much but a typical guy's room, but his room was so open, so wide, despite the mess of paper by the large window. He had one acoustic and one electric guitar standing by the wall. "So you play?" I asked, picking one up. "Uh...yeah. Been working on it." I looked around more. His bed was laid against the right side of the room. It was small, and you could barely find it over the amount of posters and chairs around this room. Books were placed neatly in a tall, wooden bookshelf, and he didn't have a TV in here. There was a large radio, and an amazing collection of CDs next to it. Again, they were neatly stalked up in a CD holder hanging on the wall. Only the sunlight moved in through the one, giant window. "This room isn't much," Josh shrugged.

"Are you kidding?" I told him, my voice high, "This is awesome!"

He smiled and gazed towards me. "Thanks." I took a seat next to him on his bed, and he had the acoustic guitar in his hands. I picked up the electric, and looked for the amp, finding it right in front of his bed. I began plugging in the wires and setting the volume. He eyed me, surprised. "Wow, you really know how to work this thing, don't you?"

"Hey, I know how to play, too," I replied.

Josh chuckled, raising his hands, palms up, in defeat. "Okay, girl power to you. So um...I don't really know what to play right now."

I noticed a pile of papers with musical notes piled up on top of his side table. He was strumming something to himself, so I got up and grabbed one of them. "What's this?" I asked, sitting back next to him. "It's nothing. Something Zac and I practice," He didn't even look up at me. "So that's why there's a drum set downstairs?" I continued. "Yeah." He was clinging onto the emotion of embarrassment, it was obvious. I shouldn't have picked this music up. But since it's in my hands now, I looked at the first line and began strumming the notes. It was a nice progression at the beginning.

"Wow. This is great," I told him happily. "The bottom part must be Zac's part, right?"
"Yeah," he said.
"Well it's nothing to be embarrassed about. This is awesome. It's cool to be making music. I've been taking vocal lessons since I was fourteen."
"Really?" I immediately perked up. "Do you have any lyrics that go along with this?"
"Well, it's under construction, but here it is," Josh pulled out something from the bottom of the pile. On the top it was entitled 'Conspiracy'. I quickly scanned it. There was one verse and no chorus. Again I read through it, but slowly this time, already creating some melodies in my head.
"Interesting." I said.
He looked back at me like I was mad. "You actually like it?" he asked.
"Well yeah. Give me the music for it."

I began to strum the notes and sing along with the lyrics. It began to fit more, and as the hours passed, we both wrote the chorus and second verse. Not only did I enjoy this, but I understood him more. "So this was how you felt when Jaelyn dumped you?" I asked him, after finishing the second verse. "Not really. A little, but I guess it was more than that." For a second we just looked at each other, eyes connected in some unnatural gaze, and as quickly as it happened, our eyes flickered away. I quickly looked up at the clock, realizing it was 5:50.

"Wow, time's way too fast," I said to myself softly. "What?" Josh asked, hearing my incoherent mumble.

"I gotta get home. You know we still haven't talked about killing Jaelyn at that party," I said aloud.

"Wow. I forgot all about that," Josh said, a bit of laugh in his voice.

"Well there's still tomorrow. I'll see you then." I got up from his bed and began walking towards the hatch.

I felt something grab my arm. "Hayley wait," Josh said. I turned towards him. He was so tall. "Yeah?"

"There's someplace better than my room to plan and scheme and write music," he told me with a smirk. "But you'll have to meet me after school again."

"Oh, so now there are directions for me, huh?" I inquired sarcastically. "Wait..what?" Josh asked. He was confused. I laughed at him. "I'll meet you then, promise," I agreed, raising a hand.

"Cool," he said, letting me be.

I went back downstairs, alone this time, and Zac was in the kitchen. "Hey Hayley," he called. I looked up before grabbing my sneakers. "Oh, hey, Zac. Didn't see you there."

"Sorry about being all weird earlier," he said.

"You weren't weird. Why? Is there something that I was supposed to know?"

"Not really. Well you aren't supposed to know. I mean, yeah. You know." He began babbling. "Yeah okay well see you soon, then?"

"Sure, sure. Hey, we've been writing songs upstairs. You like drums, right?" I sat down on carpet, tying my shoes.

"Man, I've been drumming since age nine. I love drumming," he replied.

"That's cool," I said, getting up from the floor. "Anyways, thank Josh for having me over, okay? It was fun."

My Heart CH.10

2008-12-29T18:39:00.000-08:00

content warning: this chapter slightly contains sexual related topics

My Heart: A Joshayley Story
CHAPTER 10

HAYLEY'S POV:
School finally ended. I needed an answer from Josh before I am even caught dead at that party. I would definitely not go alone. Jaelyn seems very nice right now. It's a shame Josh won't give her a chance, but first off I need to find out what he was hiding from me. Could it be that bad?

I approached him steadily when we got out of school. We were supposed to walk together, as always. "Okay, Josh. Confess," I said too quickly. I hoped he didn't feel pressured in any way.
"We need to get out of here first. Starbucks, Hayles?"

Oh my God. He called me Hayles...where did that come from?

"Hayles?" I asked, probably wide eyed. "Yeah. Don't you like nicknames?" he replied. "Y-yeah, sure." I agreed. Of course I liked it. I had a nickname. From him. "So anyways, stop changing the subject. Are you nervous to tell me? Is it...embarrassing? Scary? Sad? Does it hurt to..."
He cut me off and pressed a finger to my lips. "I'll tell you when we get there, okay?"
I pulled his finger off. "But Josh..." I began, with a whiney voice I didn't expect to come out of me, "You said right after school. You're avoiding the subject. I mean once we go on walking I'll start thinking about other things and forget what you're supposed to tell me, I'm sure. I'm not that good at remembering, that's why I'm so nostalgic. I like to remember. I'm just bad at it."
He laughed at me. "Hayley it is..a bit hard to say. I don't know how you will take it." Josh looked at me with a scared expression.

"You know you can tell me anything, right? We're on the brink of being...best friends." I blushed. He chuckled. "Yeah, I know, and I can trust you. But it's super personal. I haven't even told my parents, or my brother."
"Woah, woah, woah," I said, stopping him, "You have a brother and you didn't tell me? I don't remember you telling me."
"Well so-rry." he replied obnoxiously. It was joking, though. "He's younger than me," he continued, "and he's awesome at drums. He's pretty cool. Maybe you can meet him. We don't interact much at school."
"You guys are brothers and you don't interact? Or even walk home together? What is wrong with you?" I said. Then I hit my head. "Oh my God he's at the same school and I don't even know him. This is just plain crazy."
"Again..sooooo-ry." His extended 'O's stretched out the word for a good four seconds.
"I don't understand this. Why didn't you tell me? It's like you don't tell me anything."
"Hayley we aren't dating. You don't need to know everything." Josh told me. That one hurt a bit, but I didn't show my feelings. I was hiding behind this mask. I looked up at him real quickly, but looked away. I couldn't tell him now. Maybe when he tells me this 'hard to tell' news of his then I might tell him I like him. Could I, though? How would he take news like that?

When we entered Starbucks, Josh breathed in deeply, smiling contently. "Don't you love the feeling you get when you walk into this place? It's just so coffee house."

"That's kind of because it is a coffee house." I told him, laughing a bit. Josh nodded and looked at me. "So do you want anything? I'll pay for it."

"I've got money," I countered.

"Come on, I'm trying to be a gentleman here, Hayley," he told me. I smiled back. "What happened to Hayles?"

"Oh I'm sorry, Hayles," he said, correcting himself and giving me a joking eye-roll.

"Just get me a blueberry muffin and vanilla bean frap. Never tried it but I want it," I said with a laugh.

"Okay, coming right up," he said with a waiter's voice.

Once Josh came back with the food, I took a quick sip and stared right into his eyes. "I'm serious this time, tell me. Don't think I've forgotten."

"I was hoping you did," Josh began, on-edge. He took a sip of his coffee and then gazed into my eyes. "But here goes..."

I listened intently.

"So I've been invited to more than one of Jaelyn's parties. Of course, I used to date the girl. But the party that changed my entire life was her summer party. It was blazing hot, but her house was air conditioned. Duh, she's rich. Anyhow, everyone wanted to hang out there, it was the hot-spot of the summer. Or, cool-spot, since it was air conditioned...er, irrelevant. Anyways, so she called me, inviting me over. The party started around ten o' clock, like her usual parties do, super late..."

I interrupted. "So I'm going to have to go around ten? Crap! My parents would never let me. Unless I..."

"Can I continue? I could gladly stop and listen to you. I don't like this story," Josh asked, with a partly irritated, partly happy expression.

"No, continue," I apologized, staring into his eyes again.

"Okay, so moving on, Jaelyn's party was around ten, and yeah, I was stoked. She was seriously the best looking girl on campus and I didn't see past her... evil ways. She was just so...hot. I felt lucky enough I was dating the girl. Then again, I was a young, horny teenager," he chuckled and then continued. "Man, was I wrong about her. She just used me and made me do something I seriously regretted."

"And what was that?" I asked.

"Well, around eleven thirty or so I was totally wiped out. I mean I took a couple drinks and a few shots, not sober anymore. It amazes me I remember this experience. Jaelyn grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and began to make out with me next to the bar."

"She has a bar at her house?" I asked again.

"Yeah, she does. I mean her parties are wild, Hayley. So anyways, the next thing I knew we were sneaking into her bedroom and she was pulling out a box of condoms."

I gasped. This story was starting to cause some impact. My chest ached slightly.

Josh paused and look down at his drink, shaking his head. "She told me to use them and next thing I knew we were in bed and she...well, you know. Any other guy would probably like it, I mean Jaelyn's a nice catch, but I didn't. I hated what she made me do. She's a bit of a phsyco. At least now you know why I avoid her."

"But what about the campfire? You invited her."

"Only because I thought you two were friends," Josh replied.

"We are so not friends and I think you would have figured that out. And why think about me, anyways? About what I want?" I asked him softly. The story was still processing through my brain, it was hard to comprehend due to the pain I felt.

"Well...Jaelyn invited herself in a way. Like I explained before. I honestly would settle for her friends, without her, but wherever her friends go she goes. Oh, trust me Hayley her friends are a lot nicer than her overall."

"Alright then. I understand this is hard for you. I get why. We might as well not go to that party, right?" I meant it this time. Who knows what she wanted to do to Josh there. Hell, Jaelyn could just be using me

"Hang on..." Josh began, his expression different, like he just had an epiphany, "what if I could get some sort of revenge on her? We'd have some of my friends pitch in on it. You could even meet my brother."

"Oh finally!" I said sarcastically. "Because you never told me about him."

"No, but seriously Hayley. I want my revenge against that girl. Haven't you heard that revenge feels sweet?"

"I hate her too. And though my goodie-two-shoes insticts are coming in, I still feel like after what she did...she deserves her punishment. Okay. Let's do it."

"But we need a plan first. Hey, after school tomorrow want to come over? My parent's aren't home until six-ish. You could hang out at my place for a while," he offered.

"Uh...yeah. Done deal." The only thing wrong with that plan is I don't know what my parents will say after I ask permission to hang out over at a guy's house. Oh dear Lord help me.