My Heart CH. 32 THE END

Final chapter. A HUGE thank you to all who have supported this! I'm proud of this fanfic, it was my first Joshayley, and definitely won't be my last. Enjoy the final chapter of My Heart!

My Heart: A Joshayley Story CHAPTER 32 [THE END]

JENNA'S POV:
Being a child of ever so popular rockstars was amazing. They raised me to grow up and follow my dreams. You couldn't ask for better parents than Hayley and Joshua Farro. My mom and dad, my helpers, and the people that have guided me throughout high school and beyond, along with my four other siblings, were the world's greatest parents. I'm eldest, 57 years old to be exact. Next is 55 year old Brynn, then 53 year old Hannah, then 52 year old Jake and 8 year old Maybell. Maybell was a beautiful little girl that we adopted into this family, despite the fact that mom was a bit too old to take care of her when she came.

In fact, mother relied on me to keep an eye and take care of Maybell. I definitely was dependable in that department. Ever since Maybell was a little baby, I've been the one changing her diapers. We adopted her since she was just so helpless. The rest of my siblings have been helpers to me, regularly keeping this family together.

I guess Brynn was the most helpful with keeping things under control. She was a motherly figure in her own way, growing up to be more like my father, Josh, inheriting his same soft brown eyes and brown hair. She had that Italian aura to her, as well. Brynn had her own family, marrying a nice young man named Landon and having three children with him. Mom loved Brynn's children, her eldest, Bailey, in particular. Bailey was 25 years old now, and still in the music industry with her own energetic rock band. She was very inspired by her grandmother (that being my mother) to start her own band, and they had won a Grammy and various awards ever since they started out. Bailey was my mother's grandchild and she made her proud.

My third sister, Hannah, was more like mom: feisty, energetic, and she had a wonderful voice, and during high school she had won so many awards in choir and singing in general. She had bright red hair like my mom in high school, and still had a fading, now auburn color in her hair today. She married as well, having five children, most of which were now in college and one in medical school, pursuing a job in the medical field.

Jake, the shy, sweet only boy in the family with big, brown eyes was always the little sweetie that we could all count on. He was the second to youngest, 52 years old right now, and looked a lot like my dad. His wife was a beautiful Tennessee native named Jamie who inherited the Farro last name and gave birth to twin girls, whom she named Hayley and Ginger. She then gave birth to another baby boy who she named Joshua. He would be Josh Farro II, which was pretty cool. Jake's wife was very much inspired by my parents and did a great tribute by naming her children after my parents.

And that was basically our family, five children and two parents who managed to survive with us there. I smiled at all of them, all of us sitting patiently in the waiting room of this hospital. Jake's children were playing around with some of the hospital's toys and Maybell gladly joined them. Brynn, Hannah and I sat here, tension building in our bodies. I could tell.
I gripped Brynn's hand, and she gripped mine just as hard. Her husband, Landon, sat there beside her, and her children were there as well. In fact, the entire 2nd and 3rd generation of the Farro family filled up this hospital.
And I couldn't complain. I needed them here. I needed them more than I needed myself right now.

Tonight mom had a stroke.

It hurt so much--like pins and needles being stuck into my chest--seeing my own mother, the strong, feisty Hayley Williams, being pulled onto the stretcher and rushed to the hospital. Everything was a blur, a mess of the red and blue police lights that flickered on and off and still rang bright inside my head--those events happened so fast, and now we ended up here in a hospital waiting room.
I wish I had spoken up. I knew mom wasn't feeling well--I should have spoken to dad.
But that would have worried him.
The anxiety was ready to consume me. I gripped Brynn's hand tighter.
Sitting here, waiting here in the hospital, was heartbreaking. We had no clue what was going on upstairs. We just had to sit.
Sit and wait.

I am finding out that maybe I was wrong. I have fallen down, and I can't do this alone.

JOSH'S POV:
I remembered every detail, despite the fact it all happened so fast. They rushed her into the hospital room, doctors in their uniforms and lab coats blocking the way to Hayley. She was still and they forbid me to see her. A intern pushed me over to the side, knowing I was an old grandpa who probably couldn't fight back a young man like him; but I wouldn't let this intern get in the way. I needed to be by Hayley's side. "Sir," that boy said, his hand tightly gripped on my wrist, "I'm afraid you can't--"

"Look sonny," I began, having a weird obsession to the word 'sonny' that I called almost every young man I saw that (it must have come with the old age), "I've been with her for over 50 years, and I've never left her side since. Don't think I'll be leaving her side tonight."

They let me stay with Hayley. I held onto her hand, because, way I had it figured, if I didn't let go of her hand she would stay here right with me. My sweetheart was dying.
And I wouldn't, I couldn't, let her.

After only what felt like just a short while, the doctors tried to dissuade me. "Look," I began again, after they tried to convince me that Hayley couldn't see nor feel me because she was unconscious. "I'm holding on to her hand--see?" I held Hayley's hand up softly. "If you want me to let go, you're going to have to chop my hand off."
They nodded, understanding, and let me stay with her. They asked me to put on a mask and a gown however, asking me to stand to the side after I insisted that I not leave the room. I knew this wasn't allowed, but I just had to stay with her. Whatever would happen to Hayley, I would be there with her, helping her through it, and I did not plan on leaving her side.

Stay with me, this is what I need. Please.

BRYNN'S POV:
A doctor came by hours later. It was dawn outside, and we had been in the hospital for more than 24 hours.
Calling only Jenna to go over to the side, the doctor murmured something I couldn't make out, and in a matter of seconds her mouth was cupped over her hand and she erupted into sobs.
I got up on my feet.
"Jenna," I whispered, hugging her. Her tears left a stain on my shoulders. I couldn't believe it. It couldn't be.
"Mom is..she's..." Jenna silently sobbed in between sniffles, burying her face into my shoulder as her voice faltered. No.
It was all I could do not to run, not to hide away like a cowering child at the prospect of not having a mother anymore. She couldn't be gone. How?
But she was.

Hannah came over to recieve the news. Maybell, playing on the sidelines, hadn't a clue. Jake stayed as a babysitter to his children, but soon enough, Hannah came to go tell him the news, being careful to whisper it low enough that it didn't alarm anyone else. And he didn't hold back a tear. He exploded in her arms, weak, and she held him there. As soon as I let Jenna go and let her cry in her husband's arms, I fell apart in Landon's arms myself. My husband gripped my sides tightly and cried along with me, rubbing my back in a sweet gesture that was supposed to be comforting but barely gave me an ounce of it. My children were sitting in the hospital in an awkward silence, not knowing how exactly to react to something like this.

What was even worse was seeing the doctor just standing there. He was silent, grim, even--and he didn't seem to have an ounce of care over what we were feeling. A deep set, heavy shock lodged itself into my chest.

I couldn't breathe. I could distinctly make out the vague "I'll give you all a minute" that the doctor mumbled to us all. Landon continued to hold me.

I am nothing now, and it's been so long.

HAYLEY'S POV:
There was light.
It was very bright, calling to me, but something grabbed my hand all of a sudden. "Josh?" I asked, smiling to my husband who stood beside me, the glimmering image of youth and beauty. He was here. But why? How was he here? He was supposed to be beside me somewhere down on Earth, not up in the sky like this.
"It's time, Hayles," he replied, returning my smile with one of his own. It was a hopeful smile, a smile that gave me courage to continue into the light. It felt as if I had fallen in love all over again. Like we had fallen in love all over again. In his smile gave the promise of hope, and the promise that we would be together in whatever would come next.
I only noticed it now, but the sky above us was so bright. And so peaceful.
And I could smell the ocean in the air. With the waves' tides ebbing, caressing my ear, and pulling me in. There was no pain, no sadness...just a contentment that I couldn't describe. Together, my hand in Josh's, we walked toward the light.

Since I've heard a sound, the sound of my only hope. This time, I will be listening.

HANNAH'S POV:
We found both mom and dad, pale, yet with a golden almost glowing hue to them, together on the hospital bed around 3 'o clock AM in the morning. Had it not been for their pale, motionless bodies--I would have tried convincing myself that they were still alive.

It had been 60 years that they were together, and I only wished that they could spend 60 more. But life was life, and this was how it was. Tears were still welling up in my eyes as I looked over the bodies. So still, so peaceful--on dad's face there was a hint of a smile, and on mom's there was definitely an expression that I wasn't sure how to decode. She looked happy. Her mouth was twitched upwards. And she was beautiful.

Dad held mom's hand in his own.

I knew that wherever they were, mom and dad were together, and they were safe and...well, home. I smiled at both their bodies, though it wasn't supposed to bring a smile to my face, it did. I would try to remember this as their faces in death--this happy, content emotion that graced their expressions. They went peacefully, in the quiet, together. It was almost the most perfect, pure love story. They had lived as best as they could and passed on together.

Jenna was still crying, her sobs filling the room. She sat beside their hospital bed, her hand gripping tightly on mom's. Brynn did her best trying to calm her down. I couldn't. I wasn't very good at that stuff, anyways. I just stood there, Maybell tugging on my pants, impatiently asking me what was going on. I brought her outside, got her cookies from a nice nurse who so nicely offered me some, and sat her down on a bench.

"May," I began, taking a deep breath as I kneeled on my knees to get on eye-level with her. "Mom and dad have gone...somewhere."

"Where'd they go?" she asked immediately.

"They went to a better place, I'll tell you that." It took all my strength to not break down in front of her. I clasped onto Maybell's little hand for support--the reality that my mother was gone was still sinking in on me. It was still a shock--and trying to explain to Maybell made coming to terms so much harder.

Maybell smiled at me. "As long as they're okay. They are okay, right?"

"Yes, they are very okay," I answered.

"Will I see her soon?"

I willed my heart to not shatter--for my tears to not spill. I couldn't let her see me like that. I swallowed up the sob that was threatening to erupt and grabbed Maybell's hand tighter. "You will, May. You will."

She silently chewed on her cookie. Then she did something I didn't expect--she reached out her little hand and stroked me on the cheek. "I want to see mommy."

I grabbed her in my arms and hugged her tightly, giving in and letting one single tear drop from my face, wiping it as quickly as it came. I pulled away and looked Maybell right in her little eyes. "Come on, we have to go back." My voice had just barely cracked. I took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "Finish those cookies."

One week later..

I smiled up at the sky as I began my song for them. It was their song, and they were listening right now, wherever they were. I had convinced myself that much.
I sang the beginning verses of My Heart for my mom and dad, no one else. I could vaguely recall the first time she told me the story of how dad played it for her back when they were seniors in high school, up on a hill in Tennessee. I couldn't help but cry as I got into the chorus--it was overwhelming, the amount of passion inside this song, and as I came to terms with the fact that I would never see my parents again, I simply broke out in the middle of it all.
I rushed off the stage mid-sentence into the chorus and just cried. With my back against a wall, as if it was some sort of support for me, I let it out.
They were gone.
My parents were gone.
And knowing that made pain swell in my heart--just realizing that I had no helpers anymore. That she wouldn't see how the rest of my kids would grow up, that dad wouldn't be able to hold the 4th generation of Farros.
This hole was in my chest--
and was being cut with rough, serrated edges. I needed my parents. I loved them and I needed them in my life and everywhere I went. I couldn't believe it.
They really were dead.

Please don't go now, please don't fade away.

JENNA'S POV:
After walking out of the funeral, I took a moment and observed the world. Everyone was going on with their normal lives.
I just wanted to scream at them, tell them what happened to us.
How could they be so happy and normal when the most heartbreaking thing just happened to us? How?

I knew it was stupid, my thoughts, because nobody really knew about the situation and I was being too selfish. I wanted everyone to feel what I was feeling, I wanted them to know what's been going on.

But I couldn't just do that. No. I had to move on, no matter how hard. I had to continue with life, because that's what mom wanted me to do. Dad would have wanted it, to.
They told me to live life without regrets--
and that was what I planned to do.
They did not want me to become a hunched up shell inside a house and be refrained from the world. Mom lived a full life. She fell in love, and she taught me how to fall in love, too. She taught me we would fall, that we would be put into fights, that life would throw obstacles our way that sometimes seemed so unmovable, so permanent.
But we'd fall, and we'd get back up.
She got back up, and she had dad.

And I had this life with me--a blessing. Each day was a blessing, each day was a gift, and it didn't matter how famous we were, or how much money we had, or how much we were noticed or accomplished or acknowledged. Those were the little things.
All that mattered was I was here, and I was surrounded with something so much greater than life--that was love. I was taught to appreciate what I had. And I had people who loved me more than I loved myself. And I appreciated that.
This death--it was all natural. I had a lot more in front of me. I had people to take care of, too. And no matter how much people would try to convince me it wasn't true--I had mom and dad with me. They were still here, because they were in my heart. And people don't really die if they still live inside of you.
The more I clasped onto the thought, the more a simple smile had cracked onto my lips. They were watching over me. Over us.

I took my husband's hand and watched as our children walked in front of us, all grown, all living the beautiful gift that was life. And I smiled.

Sing us a song, and we'll sing it back to you.
We could sing our own, but what would it be without you?
This heart, it beats, beats for only you.
My heart is yours.

-----

And there goes My Heart.
I'm sorry I ended it this way, I just wanted something new and unique. But I hoped that you liked it overall! Please give comments and feedback! On YouTube, Buzznet or on here! :D I'd love to hear each thought, what this made you feel, what you thought, etc.

Thank you to all!!! Huzzah!!

My Heart CH.31

My Heart: A Joshayley Story CHAPTER 31

HAYLEY'S POV:

Touring was finally over. I was back home, where it all began. To think I was doing band practice here a few years ago. Now we're pretty successful in the music industry. Although I'm glad it didn't all get to my head, but I had friends and family to thank for that. We even added an additional band member to the picture--Taylor York. One of our closest friends ever and yet another hooligan in the crazy band we already were.

Everything was absolutely perfect, falling into place, especially because Josh was still mine. I sighed. He was a beautiful human being that was going to take me out tonight. It was my birthday today, anyways.

Josh.

My boyfriend.

I smiled as I thought of him. But really, anyone could smile if they thought about Josh Farro. I smiled at the fact that he was mine, and that our relationship had lasted through high school and beyond, and that he was "the one" for me.

The doorbell of my hotel room rang unexpectedly. I looked down at my watch. It was early. Josh was here already? I hurriedly brushed through my orange hair and fixed the curls. Josh told me to look pretty tonight, so I did.

"Hey Hayles," he greeted, smiling at me. He looked over at my knee-length black dress. "You look pretty. Good job."

I chuckled. "Thanks, Farro."

Josh leaned in closer to kiss me, but I placed a hand on his chest signaling him to stop. "The lipstick will get on your lips."

"Do you honestly think I care about that, Hayley?" He asked me. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"I guess not."

Josh smirked and leaned in to me again, parting his lips slightly and finally placing them atop mine. After it was slowly turning into a make out session, I pulled away and took a breath.

"We aren't going to waste this date kissing all night."

"We could," Josh suggested, raising an eyebrow suggestively. I shook my head and smiled.

"I spent an hour trying to look good, so you are taking me out somewhere whether you like it or not," I told him.

"Alright, alright," Josh answered, backing out of my hotel room.

Josh took me to a extremely fancy restaurant that night, and the waiter being so impeccably nice to us. That restaurant had enough room for dancing, and Josh slow danced with me for half the date. It was all so romantic, and I had no clue was he had planned. He was being so cute and so flirty the entire time, treating me nicely, as if something special was to happen tonight. I let him take me along, not asking him anything at all, though I wanted to so badly. I wanted to ask, Josh, what do you have planned for us? But I couldn't. Not yet.

After the date, he took me to a park, still filled with lights from Christmas two days ago. The trees were still decorated, and in the middle of the field was a plaid picnic blanket with flowers scattered all over them. It slowly dawned on me that the picnic was for us. This was turning into one of the best birthdays ever.

We both sat on the blanket, the lights on the trees illuminating the darkness.

"Here," he said, handing me a medium sized box wrapped in a shiny green paper. "Happy birthday Hayley."

I smiled and took it gratefully. I unwrapped it, hoping not to show too much eagerness. It was a jigsaw puzzle box, the pieces inside.

"A puzzle?" I asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Open it and put it together," Josh urged, with a cute lopsided smile that made me oblige immediately. I smiled and nodded, spilling the pieces onto the blanket. There were only a few pieces packed inside. Josh watched me as I figured out what they looked like.

I managed to put together three pieces, forming what I thought to be a letter, and then, piece by piece, a message was beginning to come together. After finally putting on the final puzzle piece, I looked over at the finished picture.

It read, Will You Marry Me?

I gasped and caught my breath. Josh was smiling broadly now, and grabbed for my hand. From out of his pocket he fished out a ring with a simple diamond placed atop it, not entirely elegant but not horribly plain either. I gasped again at the sight, losing the ability to breathe.

"Hayley Nichole Williams, I love you, so much, and I promise to forever." Josh laughed quickly and continued. "Will you marry me?"

There was not a rational reason why I would not explode with a "yes" right there and then. After smiling so wide that the muscles of my lips began to feel sore, I exclaimed a loud, triumphant, "Yes! Of course!!!"

Josh and I shared a laugh as he grabbed for my waist and twirled me around, carrying me. I squealed as he did that, laughing and inserting the occasional "Josh! Put me down!" in between each giggle. When he finally did put me down, he slipped the ring onto my finger, gingerly holding my hand.

I scrutinized it for a good minute before looking up at him. "You better be sure, because I'm not giving the ring back," I said seriously.

Josh laughed. "Of course I'm sure."

"Good." We both smiled at each other, on the very verge of laughing once more. There was not a single word that could express the complete gratitude I felt as I held that ring on my finger. It was the symbol of love, of everything Josh and I ever shared and ever felt. There was nothing that could have been anymore perfect than that gold band with the simple diamond attached to it. It made everything between us...official, for lack of a better word. My astonishment was beyond expression. But in my heart, there was not one doubt about the decision. He really was the one for me.

JOSH'S POV:

Hayley was cuddled against my chest, breathing softly, her body very warm. It was nice to be back in this hotel room after asking her to marry me. We did get a little drunk and a little too happy--enough to leave us both clothes-free, but that was fine. It was nice she said yes. For a second I thought she wouldn't, but she did, and I was so happy. A million memories of high school and our relationship back then flooded my brain, leaving me satisfied about us being together right now. My hands were wrapped securely around her small frame, the blankets around us both. The underlying guilt that I thought would be surfacing right now instead seemed non-existent.

Slowly she began to wake up. She opened her eyes to look up at me and smiled. "Time to plan this wedding thing." My hand curled around her cheek very gently. She groaned, eyes fluttering, still a bit delirious from sleep. "Josh...the wedding. We need to plan...mmm." My hands brushed her thighs.

I smiled at her, climbing on top. "That can wait." I leaned in to kiss her gently, and her lips accepted mine with a lot more passion than what was acceptable for this early morning hour. But I took it nonetheless, wanting this as much as she wanted it--happy to see last night's fun wasn't quite over yet.

------

One more chapter left!

My Heart CH.30

My Heart: A Joshayley Story

CHAPTER 30

HAYLEY'S POV:
Once the driver told us we reached Franklin, there was a momentary loss of all other goals but one: take Jeremy back. A huge part of me was incredibly ready to welcome him into the band with open arms. The band needed him. There was something so uncannily perfect about his bass skills, and without him, Paramore would be nothing but three pieces of lost friends. John, our current bassist, was surprisingly understanding of the whole situation, agreeing to leave the band without any complications. I wasn't sure if the "thank yous" I gave him would suffice--but I was pretty sure the message came through.

We arrived in Franklin in the early morning, (3 AM, to be exact) and into my house I went. The rest of the guys got their things unloaded and unpacked as well. Apparently my early-morning energy was too much for Jeremy to take (he answered with an understandably groggy voice as I phoned him at 3 AM to meet up), and he refused to meet us until the sun had risen and the morning was actually present. I couldn't help but agree to his request, he must have been tired, and I would not do anything to sabotage the already welcoming attitude that he was displaying at the present. He was willing to talk, and that was enough for me. Whichever time he preferred to do so was his choice, not mine.

To kill time, I headed up to my bedroom and laid against the bed that was actually mine. It was so much more comfortable than a bunk, less constrained, and so much softer. The distinct smell of laundry detergent lingered on my bedsheets. With the smell and the bed, it was perfectly easy to fall asleep.

My alarm clock went off at exactly 11:30 AM. It was almost comical how quickly my mood shifted from energetic to lazy in just a few hours. The bed and the complete comfort that engulfed me was so utterly perfect and comfortable that I almost refused to get out of bed. But knowing that Jeremy would be up and ready had snapped everything back into perspective with a burst of intuition.

I got ready, preparing finger food downstairs. The first to arrive was Josh, then Zac shortly after. Jeremy didn't show up until thirty minutes later, with what I assumed was shyness and regret. I didn't even bother asking him why he was late, or questioning him--this was too much a good opportunity to ruin by being a perfectionist and too eager. When he arrived, however, standing there in my front porch steps, I was almost surprised to see how little his face had changed. Five months was a lot of time, and I hadn't realized how little I remembered his face until now. Sure, a slight glimpse was present in my brain, a faded remembrance of his brotherly face, but I wasn't expecting it to be so precise a memory. He looked exactly as I remembered as he stood there on my front porch, one hand plastered to the back of his neck sheepishly, cracking a half-hearted smile as I welcomed him in. He entered with his face flushed in a deep-set blush, and for a long minute there was not one word uttered from any of us.

It was Zac (always helpful and always there to break the ice) who spoke up first. "Jeremy!" He exclaimed, and although it was a simple enunciation of his name, it was spoken with such excitement and welcome that I'm sure it didn't take much for him to get the message: he was welcome here. Only moments after that did I release a laugh of relief, for I didn't really know how else to react, and wrapped my arms around his neck. Josh joined in by snaking a hand around my waist and creating a group hug that lasted for a good, long minute.

We all finally settled on the couch, and I insisted Jeremy help himself to the sandwiches that I made in the kitchen, but he had something else to say. No matter how hard he tried hiding his words in his sleeve, it was an attempt that I couldn't overlook, a too-obvious endeavor to hide something that I became suspicious of. He was going to say something. I expected it.

They were tears of joy, of course, but I never expected them.
These tears came after the heart gripping apology speech that he announced to us--they were unneccessary tears, tears that made me feel weak inside but also let the confined stress pour out unto them all. I never figured that I'd cry after an apology to the band, but only now did I figure how much Jeremy meant to me, how much of a friendship I treasured with him, how much the band needed him. It was so overwhelming that the only reaction I could give off were tears.
But these tears were those of joy--nothing less. I managed to smile after Josh had uttered an expected "aww" and took hold of me, pulling me close to his chest. Jeremy laughed at me, but a laugh of pure amusement, no teasing, no hint of bullying in them. It was a laugh that was content, and happy, and I shrugged out of Josh's hug to go put myself into Jeremy's arms. He was like a brother, and he was back, and for once in my life it seemed as if everything (and I mean everything) was falling back into place.

A few years later..

"I messed up on...freaking Hallelujah," Josh mumbled as we all hung out backstage after our Final Riot! Chicago show. 'Hallelujah' was a song that we wrote, that made it into our sophomore album, Riot! With that album came a fanbase that was so supportive and so perfectly amazing that even I couldn't explain how incredibly happy I was to have them. It was a rush--Paramore started out as a small town band with big dreams, and now, as each day passed, we were living that dream. We had an album on the verge of going platinum and had made so many friends along the way.
And tonight's show was something special. The crowd outside were still exclaiming how much they loved us--I could hear the muffled sound of their cheers as we stood there backstage. Those fans I was incredibly thankful for. Paramore was just blessed, suffice it is to say. And this success was something so perfect and unexpected that I could have sworn to anyone I was dreaming. But no, I wasn't waking up anytime soon, although I did have to pinch myself every once in a while to remind me that I was not in a dream.

We got back to the bus, Zac and Jeremy being their usual crazy selves and heading over to the back for yet another game of Guitar Hero, undoubtedly.
But I was beat. I would be lying if I said I wasn't, and although the kitchen seemed a perfectly welcoming escape and a cup of tea was something I craved to have running down my throat, I decided I'd go for something more easily accessible--Josh's bunk.

I climbed into the world of his placid, sweet smelling bunk and laid my head against his pillows. The world was perfectly still in the moment that I closed my eyes and began drifting off into the dark world of sleep--until I heard someone push the curtain of the bunk to the side. No matter how much I tried to feign sleep--I could still feel the person's eyes boring deep holes into my face.
I never did like the feeling of paranoia--the feeling that someone was watching you. I snapped my eyes open and came face to face with Josh.
"I do believe this is my bunk," he whispered against my face. There was a sarcastic intonation to his voice that was impossible to overlook. He chuckled softly to himself and I simply moved over absently, making room for him to climb in. And that he did, laying in his bunk with me and wrapping both hands around my tiny frame.

And I felt secure.

He was just so comforting. Especially after live shows. This is exactly what I wanted right now. He kissed my forehead. "Don't do that," I mumbled, my eyes closed.
"Why not?" He whispered.
"My hair. It's sweaty and gross."

"It is not sweaty and gross," Josh replied.

"Yeah it is, and I don't want to contaminate your mouth with it," I giggled.

Josh laughed and pulled my body to him. He kissed my nose gently, and planted another one on my lips. "Mmm.." I whispered. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. "I'm tired."

"I know, so am I," he said with a groan.

"But I'm like, about to pass out. That's how tired I am."

"I understand. I feel the same."

I smiled back and leaned to kiss him. It was another soft kiss, slow and deep, and it was nothing short of perfect. Once it was over, I swung my legs over his body and pulled myself out of the bunk, walking over to go get my pajamas.
"I'll be bach," I replied with my best Arnold Shwarzenegger impression.

And I kept my promise, climbing back into the bunk with Josh, sharing our little intimate moment together.
"You comfortable?" He asked me, pulling the blankets over us.
The bus's heaters were now officially turned off, and it was getting extremely cold extremely fast. The windows were fogging up, and the lights were low, except for the dim glow that came from the kitchen's microwave. It was still running, and someone was making some late night Hot Pocket. The gentle hum of the microwave was the only sound to be heard inside the bus.
I nodded and snuggled into his chest, like I usually did. "I am now."

Josh laughed and shook his head. "I love you, Spongebob."

I smiled and looked up at him. "You need a nickname now," I whispered. "What about Josh-Kosh? Like Osh-Kosh?"

Josh's eyebrow rose. "Okay..." I began. "Maybe not."

"Yeah.." Josh replied. "I can't think of one, since I'm not a nickname generator."

I continued to smile up at him. "Alright. Enough nicknames. How do you think we did tonight? At the show?"

"We did...well..." There was a hesitance in his stance, a look of doubt in his face that worried me a little. That is, until a hint of a smile showed up, and it wasn't long before a full smile crept in and lit up his face. "You know we did amazing. If I could only pronounce that huge Marry Poppins word without getting tongue tied, I would."

"You mean supercalifragilisticexpiealidocious?"

Josh nodded, laughing. "Yeah, that word."

"Well we did do supercalifragi...uh..yeah," I paused as I realized I was getting tongue tied. Josh shook his head and silently stroked my cheek. We've been together for so long, and yet the first time we met in high school is still a fresh memory in my head. How lovely it was, really. I began to talk to Josh about it, only to be hushed by Jeremy, who was "trying to sleep."
I doubted he was genuinely making an effort, though. He was probably just up on the computer and doing who knows what.
I sighed silently, happily, to myself. Josh imitated me and sighed, too. I giggled and punched him gently in the arm. "You are one crazy phsyco," he whispered teasingly. I rolled my eyes and pulled myself closer to him again.
It was cold in this tour bus, but with Josh I could overcome anything. Even the cold.

--------

Okay. Blech chapter. Sorry for not updating. SO busy with other stuff. :( About to wrap up My Heart! I know where it's going, don't worry. Love you all!!!

My Heart CH.29

My Heart: A Joshayley Story CHAPTER 29

HAYLEY'S POV:
Some days, we were happy. Others, we were sad. Mostly me, that is. There was always something missing inside our band, and that of course was Jeremy. Things were just not the same without him--there were rarely anymore times when Zac was as lively as he used to be with his best friend, and I begun wondering whether or not we'd make it through without him. I barely had contact with the guy, and everytime I picked up the phone with my trembling fingers against the buttons, I just couldn't bring myself to call him up. He had said that he needed space, and if he needed it, we'd give it to him. But there was something just so wrong about him not with Paramore at all.

We went through Warped Tour without him. It was now five months without Jeremy at our side. Of course, I loved performing and Paramore was doing fabulous, but if we didn't have Jeremy, we weren't fully Paramore, and even the other guys had acknowledged this. I had to act fast before we lost him forever.

It was all the same again--I picked up that phone with a more than hesitant stance, yet with the tour bus wall there for me to lean against for support, I could just make it through this. With a gallant facade I dialed his number and tried convincing myself I was going to go through this correctly.

"Hello?" A voice I had not heard for five months answered.

"Hey Jeremy. It's Hayley."

"Oh. Uh...hi, Hayley..." His tone was sad, surprisingly, almost with an ashamed tone that I could not ignore. I would have broke out with all my emotions right then and there, but we were barely minutes into the conversation yet.

"Is something wrong? I just wanted to say hi."

"Yeah, I know. Um, hi," Jeremy stuttered.

"Okay. Are...you doing good?" Wow, Hayley. Pathetic. So completely useless. This was not a time to really catch up, it was a time to just come out with it and tell him that we needed him desperately. Of course, that was easier said than done.

"Yeah. I'm good," Jeremy said calmly. "Paramore's doing good, too," he added. I nodded, though he couldn't see acknowledgement, I just did it for my own sanity.

"Jer, I think we need to talk. Seriously."

"I was just about to say the same thing," Jeremy said unexpectedly. I nearly choked on my spit, if it was because of the nervousness or the surprise, I didn't know.

"About what?" I asked eagerly.

"About Paramore. The band. I..."

"Jer, are you ready to come back?" I asked blatantly. I could hear Jeremy hesitate before speaking. There was a momentary pause, and for a moment I considered the fact that he had hung up on me, despite the lack of dial tone ringing in my ears.

"Yes. I am."

The simple revelation had my spirits soaring. It was so simple, it was even over the phone, but it felt as if all the confined stress was pouring out of me. "Josh!" I called.

"Wait, Hayley..." I heard Jeremy call.

"What?" I asked.

"I don't know what the guys will think. I just ditch then come back...how do you think they will take that?"

I heard Josh walk into our tour bus living room. "What up, Hayles?" Josh asked.

"It's Josh, isn't it?" I heard Jeremy ask.

"Yep," I replied.

"Who is it?" Josh mouthed at me silently. "Jeremy!" I mouthed back. Josh nodded, taking a seat next to me. "What's he saying?" He whispered.

I hushed him and continued to speak to Jeremy.

"Don't worry about it, Jeremy, you are always welcome back."

"Welcome where?" Josh asked. I hushed him again.

"Where are you guys off to next?" Jeremy asked.

"We're heading home tonight, Jer. You think you can be in Franklin soon?"

"Where in Franklin?" Jeremy asked. Despite the excitement I could hear in his voice, it was obvious there was a mix of fear and anxiety in there.

"My house. We'll be there around tomorrow, so just wait around at a hotel or something. I'll call you. Then our band can talk properly," I replied.

"Thanks, Hayles. Thanks for giving me another chance," Jeremy said.

"No problem. You deserve it," I replied. He hung up shortly after that.

"What in the world was that, Hayles?" Josh asked, his eyebrows raising.

"Jeremy wants to come back to the band. And I agreed."

"Without asking any of us about it?" Josh asked, his voice raising a little.

"You should be okay with it, and I bet Zac and John will be too," I replied.

"Well of course I am, but what? We ask John to leave because we want our old bassist back?"

"It's our band, Josh, and Jeremy was our original member. I guess we're going to just have to break it to John. I'm sure he'll understand."

"You better be right," Josh huffed. He had a right to be angry--I wasn't completely certain in my plan either, no matter how confident I sounded.

Around night, the stress and excitement about the night's events were becoming clearer to me. Although the distant sound of the boys' snoring would have calmed me, in this situation, it failed to suffice. There was only one solution. Cereal, and quiet in the bus's kitchen. Problem was, I could barely reach the cereal cupboard.

JOSH'S POV:
I awoke to a faint grunting sound that was coming around somewhere in the bus. I turned to look outside towards our kitchen, and surely enough, there was Hayley. She was jumping, trying to reach the cereal cupboards and working a genuine amount of effort to accomplish this. I watched as she let out an angry huff and gave up, just grabbing a hot pocket from the freezer. For a moment I considered falling back into quiet sleep, but the mere truth that Hayley was there alone in the bus's kitchen had me sliding out of my bunk and walking toward her.
"Hungry?" I asked, yawning.
She looked pleased to see me here with her. "Yeah. I tried getting cereal, but I guess I'll settle for microwavables," she answered, smiling.

After eating a quick midnight snack with Hayley, we both rushed back into the bunks. Hayley stood there as I climbed into my bunk. "Anything you want, my love?" I asked gallantly and cheesily, as she kneeled down on her knees and looked at me. "My bunk is uncomfortable," she whined.

"Okay," I said, without much choice in the matter, moving over to the side and lifting my blanket. "Get in." Hayley smiled, and the weight of her body sinking into the mattress made it a lot more comfortable and warm. "Your bed is way better than mine," she mumbled. I smiled and kissed her forehead. I could feel Hayley smile into my chest as she dug her head into it. I wrapped both arms around her tightly. As I observed her, I realized just how right this was--just how this one gorgeous girl personified everything I needed and wanted in a person. She was so completely perfect for me--and the truth was so amazing that it almost overwhelmed me.

"I'm still not sleepy," she whispered, snapping me out of my reverie.

"I know. Me either. But just close your eyes and drift off, I know you can do it."

"Yeah, you can too," Hayley chuckled. She let out a yawn.

"See? You're getting more tired already. Sooner or later you'll be asleep, in my arms."

"Yeah...in your arms..." Hayley said, stirring around a little. When she finally calmed down and was still, I unwrapped my arms from her. "Hey," she mumbled, her eyes still closed. "I can't sleep without your help."

I grinned and took this as encouragement to keep my arms around her all night. "Thank you," Hayley whispered, falling into the state of peace she was in again.

I smiled. God, I loved this girl.

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Gaah. Not a very good chapter. Sorry for not updating for a while. I'm just busy with all the other fanfics. :) But thanks so much for reminding me and telling me to update. :) Hope you guys are still sticking to this fic. Comment!!

My Heart CH.28

My Heart: A Joshayley Story
chapter 28

JOSH'S POV:

We had already gone three days into our Florida retreat, performing two shows at local gigs. This was honestly the most fun I've ever had, especially with Hayley by my side. But by the third show, an unexpected event had hit us all with surprise.

Hayley and I stood backstage as the guys devoured what was left of the catering.
This show in particular was ridiculously exciting. The crowd left a thrum of energy that pulsed in arms to my thumbs, incredible beyond belief. Although my fingers were numb from holding the rugged strings on guitars, I didn't dare protest, instead I let them stroke Hayley's sweat-drenched hair. They left a cool sensation on my fingertips.

She drank from a water bottle as a rather official looking man in a black suit approached us.

This black suit was rather official, one that told any spectator that he meant business. And although his face was warm, the suit contradicted with it.

"Hi, are you the lead singer of Paramore?"

Hayley swallowed a gulp of her water before nodding. "That would be me."

"Hello, my name is John Janick," he began, holding a hand out for her to shake. "I was wondering if your band could come in to record a demo CD? I'm the CEO of the label Fueled By Ramen and we'd love to have you signed."

I nearly choked on my spit.

"What?" Hayley asked, a louder voice than her usual tone. "You're kidding me right?"

"No jokes here. We'll fly you into Los Angeles and maybe we can book a contract. Give me a call." From his suit lapel he pulled out a very official looking card, and I could tell how much she was trying to hide her excitement, but it was simply escaping her. Hayley snatched the card up like it was gold.

"I definitely will, Mr. Janick. Thank you so much!"

In moments time she had called. And we found ourselves flying into Los Angeles to record an official demo CD. This took rigorous amounts of writing and back to back bickering about which songs to use. But John Janick himself gave positive feedback after listening through the final thing, and was ready to turn it in to the rest of the label to check out.

It was only moments later that we were negotiating with our parents about the entire ordeal. With points being thrown back and forth and a conversation that was inching upon an arguement, we managed to convince them the light in the situation and they had agreed to everything. We took early tests in high school, worked long and hard to achieve enough high school credits in a short amount of time with private tutoring. The entire thing had taken tedious work and extra focus--and with our band put on hold, we finished high school and graduated, dealing with the pressure of having a record deal just sitting there and waiting for us. But we got in touch with John Janick once more, and with a contract and record deal signed, it was official.

Paramore was signed.

A week later..

"Today's the day!" Zac hollered from across the hotel hallway. Jeremy opened the door and looked back at him with surprise. "I know!" He called, the two jumping up and down in no attempt to downplay their excitement. I pushed my hotel door open to hush the two. There were other people sleeping, considering it was still 6 AM in the morning. It was unbelievable to me how two guys (who got, at most, 4 hours of sleep) could carry so much hyper energy this early.

Two days into recording what would be our first album, Jeremy had begun displaying some strange, albeit worrying, behavior. He wasn't working as hard, and he didn't seem to be enjoying anything we did. A continued air of grimness had circled around him days into the studio, his bass skills barely showing through that our own producer had to ask whether he was in this or not.
Soon enough, Hayley had noticed, and decided to call a band meeting to ask him about everything.

"I just don't feel ready, I need to sort things out..." Jeremy mumbled, as we all circled around him in intent attentiveness, my head beginning to jump to conclusions that I didn't dare think before. "I need to know if this is for me."

"What do you mean, Jeremy? This is for you, you've been doing great!" Hayley encouraged. And although that tone and her smile would have helped me any day, Jeremy didn't seem to lighten up.

"I don't know, I'm unsure, and I don't want to ruin any of this for you guys," Jeremy replied.

"You aren't ruining this for us Jeremy," Hayley shot back immediately, a walking contradiction.

"Truth is, I am, Hayles. I can't concentrate on playing, I'm just trying to sort it out. If I keep playing at this state, the album will be ruined. I don't want to do that."

Hayley sighed with a hum of impatience. "So what are you saying?"

"I don't want to do this. Not with you guys...I can't. I guess all I'm saying is I need a break from this."

"Dude, we just started recording," I reminded him.

"I know! That's why I'm leaving before it's too late..."

"Jeremy, you're ditching us, man?" Zac asked, and I didn't question the almost terrified sound in his tone. I was feeling the same way.

"I'm not, I'm just sorting things out," Jeremy replied, looking as if he was doing his best effort to calm himself down that calm the rest of us. Getting up from his place in the chair, he began his descent towards the door, his head wasn't held high, nor was there any hint of pride in his stance. His hand curled around the doorknob hesitantly--I could read the fear in his composure. There was one last, final glance towards us before he pulled the recording studio's door open and stepped outside.

We were all speechless.

One month later..

Paramore was doing well, and having John Hembree as our bassist wasn't as great as having Jeremy, but he was a cool dude. I was just glad we were able to release our first album ever. Hayley based it all on Jeremy's leave. I secretly hoped Jeremy would find our album and realize it was all for him. Maybe he'd come back. But now, we were in Warped Tour and having fun.

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This has an absolute lack of length but I felt like I had to leave it there. For those of you who want to read a more updated story of mine, go to my BuzzNet and check out my fic, Shattered. That story gets updated more than My Heart, haha.

http://www.joemqi.buzznet.com/user/journal

Please be patient for My Heart updates! :D I won't forget about it, I promise!

My Heart CH.27

My Heart: A Joshayley Story CHAPTER 27

HAYLEY'S POV:
I lifted my heavy suitcase and Josh, Jeremy and Zac imitated me. All four of us were headed to Florida today, and no one wasn't ready for it. I booked a few shows for Paramore, and we were ready to let loose and just have fun. It was much needed anyways, since high school was coming to a much awaited close and we would finally be free.

There was nothing quite as relaxing as the plane ride we had when getting to Florida. First class, easy going, nice stewardesses who pasted fake smiles on their faces when we called--not that I minded it. I guess paradise could be the perfect word for it. It was quiet for the most part, no crying babies, no obnoxious other passengers who insisted that they get what they want or they'd place restraining orders (oh trust me--I've come across those). The boys seemed to be taking the luxury quite as I knew they would: playing with all the buttons on their seats, asking for every meal and every snack that could possibly be given to them. But the ride was nothing compared to the beautiful Florida escape we had landed on.

The air was hot and sticky, the sunlight already burning my skin as we left the airport. I should have expected this, it was early summer and surely Florida's sunshine would already come through. I was only angry that I forgot sunscreen again, cursing under my breath for letting my skin go unprotected like that.

Zac literally threw his bags carelessly into his hotel room as we entered, albeit being very careful with his drum stuff. I shook my head as I watched him, leaning against the doorframe. At any other situation this would have made me laugh, but it was utterly annoying--almost disgusting--the way he cared not for his own belongings. "What?" He asked, catching my already curious glance as he unpacked his drum kit.

"You care about your drums more than your clothes, belongings and electronics? Your laptop is in that bag, Zac!" I sounded like a complete mother to him as I yelled that, but there was no missing point in my words.

Zac nodded, but I could tell from his distraught disposition that he wasn't really paying attention at all. Josh and I made our way to our shared room as Jeremy got unpacked in his own. "You doing okay, Jerm?" I checked in, entering the room across from Zac's.

"Mm-hmm. Fine, Hayles," Jeremy insisted, fumbling around with the zipper of his suitcase. I nodded and walked over to our room, our meaning Josh and I, of course. He was messing with his suitcase too. I laughed softly to myself as I watched him struggle to open it, his muscles flexing under his t-shirt as he tugged at what seemed to be a very stubborn black suitcase. I heard him curse something to himself, and with one last, final tug, he pulled the zipper sideways. The suitcase opened.

"Hooray," I said, welcoming myself into the room. "You finally unzipped it."
"It's harder than it looks, okay?" Josh said jokingly, getting up and wiping a trickle of sweat from his forehead. "Thanks for bringing us here, Hayles."
"It was all in the name of fun," I replied as Josh intertwined his fingers with mine. He pressed his ribcage against me and angled his head down toward mine.
"Yeah, and you're here. We're all here. That makes it better." Josh leaned in to distract me with a kiss, but Zac had walked in on us.
"You guys, I need some help--" Zac paused and blushed. You should have closed the door first, my conscience reminded me with an almost mocking tone. "Er--you guys are clearly busy. I should go."
"You need help with what?" I asked, pulling away from Josh.
Zac scratched the back of his head as he leaned against our door frame. "I can't open my suitcase. The zipper is on pretty tight."
"Super Hayley is coming to save the day!" I said, with an amount of energy that surprised even me, stretching out one arm and running over to his room. I looked like a complete idiot, but we were here to have fun, weren't we? "You boys need to work out! I think that means no more fries, Zac. You can't pull open a stupid zipper." I gripped the zipper tightly and with a quick tug toward the left, it had opened. "Tah-dah!"

Zac placed his hands on his hips. "I could have done it myself. I know I could."

"Mm-hmm," I joked, walking out of his room.

Josh was in the middle of fixing something on the bedside table when I opened the door. He immediately reacted to the sound of my footsteps and his lips immediately twitched upward into a smile--it was almost smug. "Where were we?" He asked enticingly.

"I think I have a pretty good idea," I said with a tone so teasingly flirtatious that he must have been questioning what my actions were going to be next.

A loud knock disturbed us yet again. I groaned, opening the door and seeing Jeremy standing there with a confused--no, embarrassed- look on his face. "Zipper issues?" I guessed, quite sure that would be the case. Jeremy nodded, almost shamefully, and Josh let out a loud, impatient grumble from behind me.

Once the zipper dilemmas were done and over with, the four of us actually had time to hang around Florida. Famously the citrus capital, we picked oranges from a farm far from the city. Picking oranges had soon turned into a orange-ball fight, started by Jeremy and Zac, undoubtedly. Josh joined in and soon, I was being pummeled by oranges. Not that I minded, it just hurt a little. There was quite an advantage to having a tall boyfriend, for he doubled as a human shield, which made it much easier to throw oranges at Zac. With my hands I gripped the side of Josh's arm with an almost masochistic tightness, hiding behind him as my other hand busily threw oranges. The fight was halted to a stop by someone who began chasing us away from the farmhouse.

We then took a tour bus and listened to the tan and bleach-blond Florida tour guide go on about everything Florida-related. She was extremely perky for someone who must have been at least sixteen years old and struggling with high school and the messes of teenage life. She also looked like a mannequin, straight out of a store, complete with a tan and everything. It was almost distracting--her completely voluptuous body and her painfully annoying voice. She looked and acted like a godess, minus the voice. I did learn a few good facts about Florida, however.

For lunch, the boys and I had turned to a local-looking Florida cafe, a sign protruding out of the large white building that read Florida Coffee And Sweets. It was obscured by a tree branch and the cafe seemed to be hidden in the corner of a boulevard, but we had managed to find it, already lured inside by a delightful smelling aroma of coffee lingering on the inside. After the quick break (which included Zac, Jeremy, and Josh eating down every bread sample and large portions of pastries), we finished the day off watching a nearby fireworks show. It was fortunate that we stumbled upon it, for the lights and view of the chemical reactions in the air were shockingly beautiful. We were standing ridiculously close to the machines that released the fireworks in the air, and as the sparkle and shine exploded in the sky, it seemed as if they were raining down and ready to come hit us. Of course they didn't hit us, thank goodness, and there was nothing but the neon glow against the Florida night and a bunch of smiling faces watching the show.

"I'm beat," Jeremy exclaimed, yawning, as he hauled himself into his hotel room.
"Me too," Zac agreed, closing his door.
It really was only 10 PM, and I wasn't sleepy at all. And by the looks of it, Josh wasn't either. "I guess we're alone now," Josh sighed, yet there was a grateful tone accompanied with his voice. He led me down the hotel hallway with his fingers wrapped gently around my wrist. "Come on, we aren't staying here."

I found myself walking along a beach, hand in hand with Josh. I felt the soft waves kiss my feet and return to the ocean, swaying rhythmically, and the sand tickle my toes. It was very calming, with the night sky hanging right above us and a few stray stars and the crescent moon giving off an almost unnatural silver glow on the sand. I took a breath. "Great, huh?" Josh asked. I nodded in agreement. "I love it."
He wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me near, as the waves continued to sing as the background. He and I laid against the beach sand, silent and peaceful, no tourists around at this late hour. "I love you Hayley," he whispered, arms still wrapped around me, with them a sense of protection that even I couldn't really describe. "I do, too," I whispered, completely warm and secure. He kissed my forehead softly, and then my nose, my cheek, and finally, my lips. A drop of rain fell from the night sky. I never saw it coming. It was startling, as the first drop hit the side of my cheek with a force I didn't think was possible with water, and I was forced to stare up into the bleak, empty sky. I could make out a light chuckle that came from Josh's throat, and as I turned back to him, he hungrily pressed his lips against mine. Why did his kisses never get old? It was soft and firm, not too rough, and I wanted it to last forever. Nothing quite so easily described. And the best part? It was raining. I was completely dazed.

When he finally pulled away, Josh smirked. I probably looked idiotic, just dazzled from everything, head still spinning after the mixture of rain and his lips. "How was that?" He asked with a smug lilt to his already beautiful voice, the rain soaking us wet. "I think we should get back to the hotel, then I'll tell you," I replied.

Josh was already tucked in bed way before I was, as I dried my hair inside the hotel with the nice white towels. As I emerged from the bathroom, he was sitting there, the bedside lamp the only light turned on in the room. The kiss of air conditioning brushed against my face, and I tried not to let the snarl of horomones consume me. All I wanted to do was just kiss him all night--but I needed to control myself before things went out of proportion. He smiled up at me as I laid myself next him. "You still haven't answered my question," Josh said.
"What question?"
"About the kiss."
"Right," I began. "I think you're a sexy beast."

Josh stared back at me in a complete mix of amusement and shock, which one he felt more, I didn't know. "I really do," I insisted. I couldn't make it out in the dim light--but I think a blush crept across his face. "Thanks?" He said. I punched him softly in the arm before settling into bed. I turned, my back facing him. "Aww, Hayles. Don't tell me you're not up for some cuddling." I turned towards Josh, and I immediately regretted doing so. He had his best puppy dog expression pasted on his face again, which he probably knew was my utter weakness. He had so much advantage with that look. Pressing my head into the crook of his neck, I tried to feign anger but it never came, and instead my voice came out like a giddy schoolgirl's. "Happy?" I asked. Josh placed his strong arms around my tiny body. "Very," he replied.

-----------------
TODAY IS JEREMY'S 24TH BDAY, YO.

My Heart CH.26

My Heart: A Joshayley Story CHAPTER 26

HAYLEY'S POV:
The week following the absence of Josh and our fight, I was sure I would have died of guilt for yelling at him like that. No, I should have died. The entire thing was threatening to swallow me whole--he was everything to me.
It was intense, the pressure between us during the following week. In science, he sat next to Jaelyn. After what she did to us? It was very unlike Josh to do that--but I couldn't bring myself to question him, for she seemed even better than me at the moment. They even talked.

During the fourth and fifth periods, Jaelyn and Josh were working together. By the end of the school day, she was with him, ready to walk home with him. I couldn't believe it. Did the two start going out before I even knew? It was strange and utterly pathetic to be following them home--it was stalking, really, but there was an inexplicable want inside of me that just craved to know what the two would be up to. And I needed to follow the two home, not merely to satisfy my curiosity--but more to save my sanity.
Did he find a retreat in Jaelyn? Or was he just trying to make me jealous? It was too hard to think and walk and feel the snarl of emotions threaten to consume me, because right when Josh and Jaelyn approached his house's front porch, she kissed him softly.
And there was something so gentle about it--it reminded me of the way he kissed me.

And it was enough to make my heart sink.

They really were going out, weren't they? Or was she helping him in making me jealous? If that was the case, he definitely did a wonderful job. I was jealous, and hurt. Before anyone could see that I was there, I ran toward my house, in a pace so brisk that it left my legs weak and aching as I arrived on the front steps.
Once I opened the door, I slammed it hard, so hard I'm sure I broke it, along with the house's foundation.
My mom ran downstairs with a horrified expression upon hearing the slammed door. "What in the world is wrong, Hayley?!" She yelled, with a tone only a concerned mother could pull off so well.
I sighed and shook my head--as if the gesture could shake all my thoughts together and make all of this make sense. "I'm sorry," I said, in a tone so barely audible that I questioned whether she heard it or not. What was I thinking? "It's Josh. He's just...ugh. I'm mad. Really mad. He's dating this girl, I think they're dating...I don't know. I'm so confused. I don't know what to think, what to feel. It's like--I just don't know. I just don't, mom."
My mom nodded. Then she smirked.
"What?" I asked her, irritated now. How could she think this was funny?
"I'm sure you two will eventually find each other again," she said, so surely, so completely surely that I didn't even bother hesitating to contradict it.
I shook my head, frowning. "Doubt it. This time he officially broke up with me. And started dating Jaelyn!"
"Who in the world is Jaelyn?" My mom asked.
"The devil's little helper," I mumbled.
My mom looked at me with an expression that made me immediately regret what I just said. "Why would you think of someone like that, Hayley? I raised you better," she exclaimed.
I nodded, defeated by mom's stare. "Okay, okay," I sighed, "I know. I really should forget about him anyways."
"Now wait a second," my mom replied quickly, "I never said forget about Josh. You never even apologized, Hayley. Settle it and be friends before you go. You said you were even unsure whether or not the two are dating! How do you know that you two are broken up for good?"
I sighed. My mouth was half open and ready to shoot something back at her--but my throat was constrained, and I lost the will to speak.
Mom always knew what was right. And she was right. Tomorrow for sure, I had to talk to Josh.

Something woke me up in the middle of the night.
There was something--and this time, it was a worse feeling than what I felt when those burglars came in to grab the stuff from my house.
And I was terrified.
I stirred in my bed before looking up--and I didn't miss what was towering above me. There, lurking right above my bed, was a large masked man that seemed hidden in the shadow.
Before I could gasp in terror, before I could even react--he grabbed my face and covered my mouth with enough force that I could hardly open my mouth. I definitely made an effort to, however, squirming and trying to squeal in his arms as he kept a strong grip against my body. I was virtually helpless, defenseless, and being kidnapped in the middle of the night against my own will.
My mother wasn't around. No one was around to help me.
My eyes shot frantically in all directions as he carried me across the house, soon covering my eyes swiftly with a blindfold. He threw me into the trunk of his car, that much I could tell. I hated being only 5' 2", right at that moment. I fit perfectly in the trunk, my small size no advantage. I let out an ear piercing scream just as the car's engine started, my mouth free from the man's hand--but there was no use.
Nobody would hear me now.
The car began to move, and I started to sweat nervously. I felt the strain in my neck as the car's tight space threatened to close in on me. My nerves were strung and alive like live wires.
My forehead continued to be glazed in sweat.
The blindfold felt like a tight, neverending tug against my eyes, surely leaving some marks once they were taken off.
Thankfully, it wasn't very long until the car halted to a stop.

I heard the car's trunk open and the man carry me again. For a kidnapper, he handled my body with a very gentle, almost caring carress. Yet this did not calm me at all--I was still being kidnapped and could be left for dead.
I was carefully placed on a grass-like surface, and the man untied the blindfold. I glanced around and realized we were in the park, hidden behind the trees. These precious seconds could be the difference between life and death. My conscience reacted quickly--I was able to see, and able to run. I squirmed against the grass and tried to heave myself up before this man could do anything to me.
But he reacted as well--so quickly, lashing out to go grab my wrists and restrain me. "Hayley! Hush!" He whispered.
The figure removed his mask and planted a kiss on my lips before I could run away. His tongue begged for entrance, and I opened my mouth to let him do so. The familiarity was there. The voice was there.
I really needed this right now, even if we were in the middle of a somewhat-break up. When he finally pulled away, I frowned and my eyes narrowed at the sight of him.
"What in the world were you thinking, Josh?" I said, a bit too loud for what was probably 2 AM in the morning.
"I don't know, I needed to talk to you, and I needed you back. Our fights don't last very long, you know," Josh shrugged the event off as if it was no problem at all--like nothing had happened in the last few minutes.
I rolled my eyes, utterly disbelieving. Despite the fear that dissolved into empty void, I was still adrenaline filled after all that alacritic rush, and I was in no mood to joke around. "But what about Jaelyn? Why would you go out with her again?"
I could see him blush, even the dark couldn't drown that out. "I was...well," he stuttered before finally coming out with it. "I was trying to get you jealous."
I scoffed at him smugly. "I knew it," I said quietly. "I did."
We paused there for quite a while before Josh started to talk again. "You never even let me explain," he said.
There was a point in his words--a point that hit me only now with unfathomable force. I shook my head and angled my head in such a way that I was sure to avoid his eyes.
"Can I explain though?" He asked.
I leaned into him and wrapped both arms around his body--holding him there and hoping this gesture would tell him that I was no longer angry. I left my head against his shoulder. "Explain," I said, listening.

It turns out I was stupid for everything. I shouldn't have let this drama boil between us. I'm overly stubborn and too hard headed when it comes to explanations. I couldn't believe I just yelled at Josh without even having good reason. I didn't even know the whole side of the story. Going on without explanation was such a horrid mistake--one I hoped I'd never make again with Josh.

"Hello?" Jeremy answered.
"Hey Jeremy, it's Hayles," I answered meekly.
Jeremy sighed. "I thought the band was over with already," he began, "I mean honestly, we haven't practiced together in a week. And Zac told me all about the drama that was going on between you and Josh."
"Yeah, yeah, I know," I replied, guilty as charged, "but I never let him explain to me. I was stubborn and stupid, Jerm, and I really wanted to get this band back in shape. That's why during our two week break from school...I'm taking you guys to Florida."
"Florida?" Jeremy asked, hit with the surprise that I hoped.
"Yeah, Florida," I repeated.
"Right. Sure, Hayles, nice joke," Jeremy replied, still skeptical.
I groaned, amused how he wouldn't take this seriously. I couldn't blame him though--the offer was so blatant and unexpected. I would have reacted the same way, I guess. "Okay, I guess I'll just take Zac then if you don't want to go."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I never said I didn't want to go. You're serious about this?" Jeremy asked.
"I think I made that clear earlier," I said with a laugh.
"No way, Hayley! I'm so in on this."
"Okay, Jeremy," I replied, "And I'm sorry for forgetting about the band because of Josh and my stupid little fight. You will not believe what he did just to talk to me."
"What did he do?" Jeremy asked eagerly.
"I'll tell you when we all meet up at Josh's...say...six-ish? Zac ought to know, too."
"Okay, Hayley. See you then."

Zac and Jeremy let out a roaring laughter only they as a duo could posses. "You put her in your trunk?" They asked, faces red, eyes nearly stinging with tears as they restrained laughter. And there was nothing that was able to supress my laughter, either. The two and their hilarity and enthusiasm were contagious. "And I fit perfectly!" I added.
Josh tried to smile, but it was faltering, and he was blushing like mad. "It was the only way, okay?" He replied.
Zac and Jeremy poked at him and started teasing him about the whole kidnapping ordeal once more. "I cannot wait until mom hears this," Zac said. Josh's entire face turned bright red, and he forced a smile. "Dude, don't tell mom," he pleaded. "Let me think..." Zac began, one finger on his chin, "No."
Josh glared back at him nastily, but Zac did not give in. "I'm still telling mom," he said.

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That was a pretty short chapter. Hope you enjoyed! I dislike drama, but you all know it had to be done. At least it's all over now, right? :-) Thanks to everyone who read Shattered and is still reading My Heart. I can't believe you guys have stayed with my fics for this long. I appreciate you all very much and really wish I could give you all a hug!