My Heart CH.30

My Heart: A Joshayley Story

CHAPTER 30

HAYLEY'S POV:
Once the driver told us we reached Franklin, there was a momentary loss of all other goals but one: take Jeremy back. A huge part of me was incredibly ready to welcome him into the band with open arms. The band needed him. There was something so uncannily perfect about his bass skills, and without him, Paramore would be nothing but three pieces of lost friends. John, our current bassist, was surprisingly understanding of the whole situation, agreeing to leave the band without any complications. I wasn't sure if the "thank yous" I gave him would suffice--but I was pretty sure the message came through.

We arrived in Franklin in the early morning, (3 AM, to be exact) and into my house I went. The rest of the guys got their things unloaded and unpacked as well. Apparently my early-morning energy was too much for Jeremy to take (he answered with an understandably groggy voice as I phoned him at 3 AM to meet up), and he refused to meet us until the sun had risen and the morning was actually present. I couldn't help but agree to his request, he must have been tired, and I would not do anything to sabotage the already welcoming attitude that he was displaying at the present. He was willing to talk, and that was enough for me. Whichever time he preferred to do so was his choice, not mine.

To kill time, I headed up to my bedroom and laid against the bed that was actually mine. It was so much more comfortable than a bunk, less constrained, and so much softer. The distinct smell of laundry detergent lingered on my bedsheets. With the smell and the bed, it was perfectly easy to fall asleep.

My alarm clock went off at exactly 11:30 AM. It was almost comical how quickly my mood shifted from energetic to lazy in just a few hours. The bed and the complete comfort that engulfed me was so utterly perfect and comfortable that I almost refused to get out of bed. But knowing that Jeremy would be up and ready had snapped everything back into perspective with a burst of intuition.

I got ready, preparing finger food downstairs. The first to arrive was Josh, then Zac shortly after. Jeremy didn't show up until thirty minutes later, with what I assumed was shyness and regret. I didn't even bother asking him why he was late, or questioning him--this was too much a good opportunity to ruin by being a perfectionist and too eager. When he arrived, however, standing there in my front porch steps, I was almost surprised to see how little his face had changed. Five months was a lot of time, and I hadn't realized how little I remembered his face until now. Sure, a slight glimpse was present in my brain, a faded remembrance of his brotherly face, but I wasn't expecting it to be so precise a memory. He looked exactly as I remembered as he stood there on my front porch, one hand plastered to the back of his neck sheepishly, cracking a half-hearted smile as I welcomed him in. He entered with his face flushed in a deep-set blush, and for a long minute there was not one word uttered from any of us.

It was Zac (always helpful and always there to break the ice) who spoke up first. "Jeremy!" He exclaimed, and although it was a simple enunciation of his name, it was spoken with such excitement and welcome that I'm sure it didn't take much for him to get the message: he was welcome here. Only moments after that did I release a laugh of relief, for I didn't really know how else to react, and wrapped my arms around his neck. Josh joined in by snaking a hand around my waist and creating a group hug that lasted for a good, long minute.

We all finally settled on the couch, and I insisted Jeremy help himself to the sandwiches that I made in the kitchen, but he had something else to say. No matter how hard he tried hiding his words in his sleeve, it was an attempt that I couldn't overlook, a too-obvious endeavor to hide something that I became suspicious of. He was going to say something. I expected it.

They were tears of joy, of course, but I never expected them.
These tears came after the heart gripping apology speech that he announced to us--they were unneccessary tears, tears that made me feel weak inside but also let the confined stress pour out unto them all. I never figured that I'd cry after an apology to the band, but only now did I figure how much Jeremy meant to me, how much of a friendship I treasured with him, how much the band needed him. It was so overwhelming that the only reaction I could give off were tears.
But these tears were those of joy--nothing less. I managed to smile after Josh had uttered an expected "aww" and took hold of me, pulling me close to his chest. Jeremy laughed at me, but a laugh of pure amusement, no teasing, no hint of bullying in them. It was a laugh that was content, and happy, and I shrugged out of Josh's hug to go put myself into Jeremy's arms. He was like a brother, and he was back, and for once in my life it seemed as if everything (and I mean everything) was falling back into place.

A few years later..

"I messed up on...freaking Hallelujah," Josh mumbled as we all hung out backstage after our Final Riot! Chicago show. 'Hallelujah' was a song that we wrote, that made it into our sophomore album, Riot! With that album came a fanbase that was so supportive and so perfectly amazing that even I couldn't explain how incredibly happy I was to have them. It was a rush--Paramore started out as a small town band with big dreams, and now, as each day passed, we were living that dream. We had an album on the verge of going platinum and had made so many friends along the way.
And tonight's show was something special. The crowd outside were still exclaiming how much they loved us--I could hear the muffled sound of their cheers as we stood there backstage. Those fans I was incredibly thankful for. Paramore was just blessed, suffice it is to say. And this success was something so perfect and unexpected that I could have sworn to anyone I was dreaming. But no, I wasn't waking up anytime soon, although I did have to pinch myself every once in a while to remind me that I was not in a dream.

We got back to the bus, Zac and Jeremy being their usual crazy selves and heading over to the back for yet another game of Guitar Hero, undoubtedly.
But I was beat. I would be lying if I said I wasn't, and although the kitchen seemed a perfectly welcoming escape and a cup of tea was something I craved to have running down my throat, I decided I'd go for something more easily accessible--Josh's bunk.

I climbed into the world of his placid, sweet smelling bunk and laid my head against his pillows. The world was perfectly still in the moment that I closed my eyes and began drifting off into the dark world of sleep--until I heard someone push the curtain of the bunk to the side. No matter how much I tried to feign sleep--I could still feel the person's eyes boring deep holes into my face.
I never did like the feeling of paranoia--the feeling that someone was watching you. I snapped my eyes open and came face to face with Josh.
"I do believe this is my bunk," he whispered against my face. There was a sarcastic intonation to his voice that was impossible to overlook. He chuckled softly to himself and I simply moved over absently, making room for him to climb in. And that he did, laying in his bunk with me and wrapping both hands around my tiny frame.

And I felt secure.

He was just so comforting. Especially after live shows. This is exactly what I wanted right now. He kissed my forehead. "Don't do that," I mumbled, my eyes closed.
"Why not?" He whispered.
"My hair. It's sweaty and gross."

"It is not sweaty and gross," Josh replied.

"Yeah it is, and I don't want to contaminate your mouth with it," I giggled.

Josh laughed and pulled my body to him. He kissed my nose gently, and planted another one on my lips. "Mmm.." I whispered. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. "I'm tired."

"I know, so am I," he said with a groan.

"But I'm like, about to pass out. That's how tired I am."

"I understand. I feel the same."

I smiled back and leaned to kiss him. It was another soft kiss, slow and deep, and it was nothing short of perfect. Once it was over, I swung my legs over his body and pulled myself out of the bunk, walking over to go get my pajamas.
"I'll be bach," I replied with my best Arnold Shwarzenegger impression.

And I kept my promise, climbing back into the bunk with Josh, sharing our little intimate moment together.
"You comfortable?" He asked me, pulling the blankets over us.
The bus's heaters were now officially turned off, and it was getting extremely cold extremely fast. The windows were fogging up, and the lights were low, except for the dim glow that came from the kitchen's microwave. It was still running, and someone was making some late night Hot Pocket. The gentle hum of the microwave was the only sound to be heard inside the bus.
I nodded and snuggled into his chest, like I usually did. "I am now."

Josh laughed and shook his head. "I love you, Spongebob."

I smiled and looked up at him. "You need a nickname now," I whispered. "What about Josh-Kosh? Like Osh-Kosh?"

Josh's eyebrow rose. "Okay..." I began. "Maybe not."

"Yeah.." Josh replied. "I can't think of one, since I'm not a nickname generator."

I continued to smile up at him. "Alright. Enough nicknames. How do you think we did tonight? At the show?"

"We did...well..." There was a hesitance in his stance, a look of doubt in his face that worried me a little. That is, until a hint of a smile showed up, and it wasn't long before a full smile crept in and lit up his face. "You know we did amazing. If I could only pronounce that huge Marry Poppins word without getting tongue tied, I would."

"You mean supercalifragilisticexpiealidocious?"

Josh nodded, laughing. "Yeah, that word."

"Well we did do supercalifragi...uh..yeah," I paused as I realized I was getting tongue tied. Josh shook his head and silently stroked my cheek. We've been together for so long, and yet the first time we met in high school is still a fresh memory in my head. How lovely it was, really. I began to talk to Josh about it, only to be hushed by Jeremy, who was "trying to sleep."
I doubted he was genuinely making an effort, though. He was probably just up on the computer and doing who knows what.
I sighed silently, happily, to myself. Josh imitated me and sighed, too. I giggled and punched him gently in the arm. "You are one crazy phsyco," he whispered teasingly. I rolled my eyes and pulled myself closer to him again.
It was cold in this tour bus, but with Josh I could overcome anything. Even the cold.

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Okay. Blech chapter. Sorry for not updating. SO busy with other stuff. :( About to wrap up My Heart! I know where it's going, don't worry. Love you all!!!

My Heart CH.29

My Heart: A Joshayley Story CHAPTER 29

HAYLEY'S POV:
Some days, we were happy. Others, we were sad. Mostly me, that is. There was always something missing inside our band, and that of course was Jeremy. Things were just not the same without him--there were rarely anymore times when Zac was as lively as he used to be with his best friend, and I begun wondering whether or not we'd make it through without him. I barely had contact with the guy, and everytime I picked up the phone with my trembling fingers against the buttons, I just couldn't bring myself to call him up. He had said that he needed space, and if he needed it, we'd give it to him. But there was something just so wrong about him not with Paramore at all.

We went through Warped Tour without him. It was now five months without Jeremy at our side. Of course, I loved performing and Paramore was doing fabulous, but if we didn't have Jeremy, we weren't fully Paramore, and even the other guys had acknowledged this. I had to act fast before we lost him forever.

It was all the same again--I picked up that phone with a more than hesitant stance, yet with the tour bus wall there for me to lean against for support, I could just make it through this. With a gallant facade I dialed his number and tried convincing myself I was going to go through this correctly.

"Hello?" A voice I had not heard for five months answered.

"Hey Jeremy. It's Hayley."

"Oh. Uh...hi, Hayley..." His tone was sad, surprisingly, almost with an ashamed tone that I could not ignore. I would have broke out with all my emotions right then and there, but we were barely minutes into the conversation yet.

"Is something wrong? I just wanted to say hi."

"Yeah, I know. Um, hi," Jeremy stuttered.

"Okay. Are...you doing good?" Wow, Hayley. Pathetic. So completely useless. This was not a time to really catch up, it was a time to just come out with it and tell him that we needed him desperately. Of course, that was easier said than done.

"Yeah. I'm good," Jeremy said calmly. "Paramore's doing good, too," he added. I nodded, though he couldn't see acknowledgement, I just did it for my own sanity.

"Jer, I think we need to talk. Seriously."

"I was just about to say the same thing," Jeremy said unexpectedly. I nearly choked on my spit, if it was because of the nervousness or the surprise, I didn't know.

"About what?" I asked eagerly.

"About Paramore. The band. I..."

"Jer, are you ready to come back?" I asked blatantly. I could hear Jeremy hesitate before speaking. There was a momentary pause, and for a moment I considered the fact that he had hung up on me, despite the lack of dial tone ringing in my ears.

"Yes. I am."

The simple revelation had my spirits soaring. It was so simple, it was even over the phone, but it felt as if all the confined stress was pouring out of me. "Josh!" I called.

"Wait, Hayley..." I heard Jeremy call.

"What?" I asked.

"I don't know what the guys will think. I just ditch then come back...how do you think they will take that?"

I heard Josh walk into our tour bus living room. "What up, Hayles?" Josh asked.

"It's Josh, isn't it?" I heard Jeremy ask.

"Yep," I replied.

"Who is it?" Josh mouthed at me silently. "Jeremy!" I mouthed back. Josh nodded, taking a seat next to me. "What's he saying?" He whispered.

I hushed him and continued to speak to Jeremy.

"Don't worry about it, Jeremy, you are always welcome back."

"Welcome where?" Josh asked. I hushed him again.

"Where are you guys off to next?" Jeremy asked.

"We're heading home tonight, Jer. You think you can be in Franklin soon?"

"Where in Franklin?" Jeremy asked. Despite the excitement I could hear in his voice, it was obvious there was a mix of fear and anxiety in there.

"My house. We'll be there around tomorrow, so just wait around at a hotel or something. I'll call you. Then our band can talk properly," I replied.

"Thanks, Hayles. Thanks for giving me another chance," Jeremy said.

"No problem. You deserve it," I replied. He hung up shortly after that.

"What in the world was that, Hayles?" Josh asked, his eyebrows raising.

"Jeremy wants to come back to the band. And I agreed."

"Without asking any of us about it?" Josh asked, his voice raising a little.

"You should be okay with it, and I bet Zac and John will be too," I replied.

"Well of course I am, but what? We ask John to leave because we want our old bassist back?"

"It's our band, Josh, and Jeremy was our original member. I guess we're going to just have to break it to John. I'm sure he'll understand."

"You better be right," Josh huffed. He had a right to be angry--I wasn't completely certain in my plan either, no matter how confident I sounded.

Around night, the stress and excitement about the night's events were becoming clearer to me. Although the distant sound of the boys' snoring would have calmed me, in this situation, it failed to suffice. There was only one solution. Cereal, and quiet in the bus's kitchen. Problem was, I could barely reach the cereal cupboard.

JOSH'S POV:
I awoke to a faint grunting sound that was coming around somewhere in the bus. I turned to look outside towards our kitchen, and surely enough, there was Hayley. She was jumping, trying to reach the cereal cupboards and working a genuine amount of effort to accomplish this. I watched as she let out an angry huff and gave up, just grabbing a hot pocket from the freezer. For a moment I considered falling back into quiet sleep, but the mere truth that Hayley was there alone in the bus's kitchen had me sliding out of my bunk and walking toward her.
"Hungry?" I asked, yawning.
She looked pleased to see me here with her. "Yeah. I tried getting cereal, but I guess I'll settle for microwavables," she answered, smiling.

After eating a quick midnight snack with Hayley, we both rushed back into the bunks. Hayley stood there as I climbed into my bunk. "Anything you want, my love?" I asked gallantly and cheesily, as she kneeled down on her knees and looked at me. "My bunk is uncomfortable," she whined.

"Okay," I said, without much choice in the matter, moving over to the side and lifting my blanket. "Get in." Hayley smiled, and the weight of her body sinking into the mattress made it a lot more comfortable and warm. "Your bed is way better than mine," she mumbled. I smiled and kissed her forehead. I could feel Hayley smile into my chest as she dug her head into it. I wrapped both arms around her tightly. As I observed her, I realized just how right this was--just how this one gorgeous girl personified everything I needed and wanted in a person. She was so completely perfect for me--and the truth was so amazing that it almost overwhelmed me.

"I'm still not sleepy," she whispered, snapping me out of my reverie.

"I know. Me either. But just close your eyes and drift off, I know you can do it."

"Yeah, you can too," Hayley chuckled. She let out a yawn.

"See? You're getting more tired already. Sooner or later you'll be asleep, in my arms."

"Yeah...in your arms..." Hayley said, stirring around a little. When she finally calmed down and was still, I unwrapped my arms from her. "Hey," she mumbled, her eyes still closed. "I can't sleep without your help."

I grinned and took this as encouragement to keep my arms around her all night. "Thank you," Hayley whispered, falling into the state of peace she was in again.

I smiled. God, I loved this girl.

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Gaah. Not a very good chapter. Sorry for not updating for a while. I'm just busy with all the other fanfics. :) But thanks so much for reminding me and telling me to update. :) Hope you guys are still sticking to this fic. Comment!!

My Heart CH.28

My Heart: A Joshayley Story
chapter 28

JOSH'S POV:

We had already gone three days into our Florida retreat, performing two shows at local gigs. This was honestly the most fun I've ever had, especially with Hayley by my side. But by the third show, an unexpected event had hit us all with surprise.

Hayley and I stood backstage as the guys devoured what was left of the catering.
This show in particular was ridiculously exciting. The crowd left a thrum of energy that pulsed in arms to my thumbs, incredible beyond belief. Although my fingers were numb from holding the rugged strings on guitars, I didn't dare protest, instead I let them stroke Hayley's sweat-drenched hair. They left a cool sensation on my fingertips.

She drank from a water bottle as a rather official looking man in a black suit approached us.

This black suit was rather official, one that told any spectator that he meant business. And although his face was warm, the suit contradicted with it.

"Hi, are you the lead singer of Paramore?"

Hayley swallowed a gulp of her water before nodding. "That would be me."

"Hello, my name is John Janick," he began, holding a hand out for her to shake. "I was wondering if your band could come in to record a demo CD? I'm the CEO of the label Fueled By Ramen and we'd love to have you signed."

I nearly choked on my spit.

"What?" Hayley asked, a louder voice than her usual tone. "You're kidding me right?"

"No jokes here. We'll fly you into Los Angeles and maybe we can book a contract. Give me a call." From his suit lapel he pulled out a very official looking card, and I could tell how much she was trying to hide her excitement, but it was simply escaping her. Hayley snatched the card up like it was gold.

"I definitely will, Mr. Janick. Thank you so much!"

In moments time she had called. And we found ourselves flying into Los Angeles to record an official demo CD. This took rigorous amounts of writing and back to back bickering about which songs to use. But John Janick himself gave positive feedback after listening through the final thing, and was ready to turn it in to the rest of the label to check out.

It was only moments later that we were negotiating with our parents about the entire ordeal. With points being thrown back and forth and a conversation that was inching upon an arguement, we managed to convince them the light in the situation and they had agreed to everything. We took early tests in high school, worked long and hard to achieve enough high school credits in a short amount of time with private tutoring. The entire thing had taken tedious work and extra focus--and with our band put on hold, we finished high school and graduated, dealing with the pressure of having a record deal just sitting there and waiting for us. But we got in touch with John Janick once more, and with a contract and record deal signed, it was official.

Paramore was signed.

A week later..

"Today's the day!" Zac hollered from across the hotel hallway. Jeremy opened the door and looked back at him with surprise. "I know!" He called, the two jumping up and down in no attempt to downplay their excitement. I pushed my hotel door open to hush the two. There were other people sleeping, considering it was still 6 AM in the morning. It was unbelievable to me how two guys (who got, at most, 4 hours of sleep) could carry so much hyper energy this early.

Two days into recording what would be our first album, Jeremy had begun displaying some strange, albeit worrying, behavior. He wasn't working as hard, and he didn't seem to be enjoying anything we did. A continued air of grimness had circled around him days into the studio, his bass skills barely showing through that our own producer had to ask whether he was in this or not.
Soon enough, Hayley had noticed, and decided to call a band meeting to ask him about everything.

"I just don't feel ready, I need to sort things out..." Jeremy mumbled, as we all circled around him in intent attentiveness, my head beginning to jump to conclusions that I didn't dare think before. "I need to know if this is for me."

"What do you mean, Jeremy? This is for you, you've been doing great!" Hayley encouraged. And although that tone and her smile would have helped me any day, Jeremy didn't seem to lighten up.

"I don't know, I'm unsure, and I don't want to ruin any of this for you guys," Jeremy replied.

"You aren't ruining this for us Jeremy," Hayley shot back immediately, a walking contradiction.

"Truth is, I am, Hayles. I can't concentrate on playing, I'm just trying to sort it out. If I keep playing at this state, the album will be ruined. I don't want to do that."

Hayley sighed with a hum of impatience. "So what are you saying?"

"I don't want to do this. Not with you guys...I can't. I guess all I'm saying is I need a break from this."

"Dude, we just started recording," I reminded him.

"I know! That's why I'm leaving before it's too late..."

"Jeremy, you're ditching us, man?" Zac asked, and I didn't question the almost terrified sound in his tone. I was feeling the same way.

"I'm not, I'm just sorting things out," Jeremy replied, looking as if he was doing his best effort to calm himself down that calm the rest of us. Getting up from his place in the chair, he began his descent towards the door, his head wasn't held high, nor was there any hint of pride in his stance. His hand curled around the doorknob hesitantly--I could read the fear in his composure. There was one last, final glance towards us before he pulled the recording studio's door open and stepped outside.

We were all speechless.

One month later..

Paramore was doing well, and having John Hembree as our bassist wasn't as great as having Jeremy, but he was a cool dude. I was just glad we were able to release our first album ever. Hayley based it all on Jeremy's leave. I secretly hoped Jeremy would find our album and realize it was all for him. Maybe he'd come back. But now, we were in Warped Tour and having fun.

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This has an absolute lack of length but I felt like I had to leave it there. For those of you who want to read a more updated story of mine, go to my BuzzNet and check out my fic, Shattered. That story gets updated more than My Heart, haha.

http://www.joemqi.buzznet.com/user/journal

Please be patient for My Heart updates! :D I won't forget about it, I promise!

My Heart CH.27

My Heart: A Joshayley Story CHAPTER 27

HAYLEY'S POV:
I lifted my heavy suitcase and Josh, Jeremy and Zac imitated me. All four of us were headed to Florida today, and no one wasn't ready for it. I booked a few shows for Paramore, and we were ready to let loose and just have fun. It was much needed anyways, since high school was coming to a much awaited close and we would finally be free.

There was nothing quite as relaxing as the plane ride we had when getting to Florida. First class, easy going, nice stewardesses who pasted fake smiles on their faces when we called--not that I minded it. I guess paradise could be the perfect word for it. It was quiet for the most part, no crying babies, no obnoxious other passengers who insisted that they get what they want or they'd place restraining orders (oh trust me--I've come across those). The boys seemed to be taking the luxury quite as I knew they would: playing with all the buttons on their seats, asking for every meal and every snack that could possibly be given to them. But the ride was nothing compared to the beautiful Florida escape we had landed on.

The air was hot and sticky, the sunlight already burning my skin as we left the airport. I should have expected this, it was early summer and surely Florida's sunshine would already come through. I was only angry that I forgot sunscreen again, cursing under my breath for letting my skin go unprotected like that.

Zac literally threw his bags carelessly into his hotel room as we entered, albeit being very careful with his drum stuff. I shook my head as I watched him, leaning against the doorframe. At any other situation this would have made me laugh, but it was utterly annoying--almost disgusting--the way he cared not for his own belongings. "What?" He asked, catching my already curious glance as he unpacked his drum kit.

"You care about your drums more than your clothes, belongings and electronics? Your laptop is in that bag, Zac!" I sounded like a complete mother to him as I yelled that, but there was no missing point in my words.

Zac nodded, but I could tell from his distraught disposition that he wasn't really paying attention at all. Josh and I made our way to our shared room as Jeremy got unpacked in his own. "You doing okay, Jerm?" I checked in, entering the room across from Zac's.

"Mm-hmm. Fine, Hayles," Jeremy insisted, fumbling around with the zipper of his suitcase. I nodded and walked over to our room, our meaning Josh and I, of course. He was messing with his suitcase too. I laughed softly to myself as I watched him struggle to open it, his muscles flexing under his t-shirt as he tugged at what seemed to be a very stubborn black suitcase. I heard him curse something to himself, and with one last, final tug, he pulled the zipper sideways. The suitcase opened.

"Hooray," I said, welcoming myself into the room. "You finally unzipped it."
"It's harder than it looks, okay?" Josh said jokingly, getting up and wiping a trickle of sweat from his forehead. "Thanks for bringing us here, Hayles."
"It was all in the name of fun," I replied as Josh intertwined his fingers with mine. He pressed his ribcage against me and angled his head down toward mine.
"Yeah, and you're here. We're all here. That makes it better." Josh leaned in to distract me with a kiss, but Zac had walked in on us.
"You guys, I need some help--" Zac paused and blushed. You should have closed the door first, my conscience reminded me with an almost mocking tone. "Er--you guys are clearly busy. I should go."
"You need help with what?" I asked, pulling away from Josh.
Zac scratched the back of his head as he leaned against our door frame. "I can't open my suitcase. The zipper is on pretty tight."
"Super Hayley is coming to save the day!" I said, with an amount of energy that surprised even me, stretching out one arm and running over to his room. I looked like a complete idiot, but we were here to have fun, weren't we? "You boys need to work out! I think that means no more fries, Zac. You can't pull open a stupid zipper." I gripped the zipper tightly and with a quick tug toward the left, it had opened. "Tah-dah!"

Zac placed his hands on his hips. "I could have done it myself. I know I could."

"Mm-hmm," I joked, walking out of his room.

Josh was in the middle of fixing something on the bedside table when I opened the door. He immediately reacted to the sound of my footsteps and his lips immediately twitched upward into a smile--it was almost smug. "Where were we?" He asked enticingly.

"I think I have a pretty good idea," I said with a tone so teasingly flirtatious that he must have been questioning what my actions were going to be next.

A loud knock disturbed us yet again. I groaned, opening the door and seeing Jeremy standing there with a confused--no, embarrassed- look on his face. "Zipper issues?" I guessed, quite sure that would be the case. Jeremy nodded, almost shamefully, and Josh let out a loud, impatient grumble from behind me.

Once the zipper dilemmas were done and over with, the four of us actually had time to hang around Florida. Famously the citrus capital, we picked oranges from a farm far from the city. Picking oranges had soon turned into a orange-ball fight, started by Jeremy and Zac, undoubtedly. Josh joined in and soon, I was being pummeled by oranges. Not that I minded, it just hurt a little. There was quite an advantage to having a tall boyfriend, for he doubled as a human shield, which made it much easier to throw oranges at Zac. With my hands I gripped the side of Josh's arm with an almost masochistic tightness, hiding behind him as my other hand busily threw oranges. The fight was halted to a stop by someone who began chasing us away from the farmhouse.

We then took a tour bus and listened to the tan and bleach-blond Florida tour guide go on about everything Florida-related. She was extremely perky for someone who must have been at least sixteen years old and struggling with high school and the messes of teenage life. She also looked like a mannequin, straight out of a store, complete with a tan and everything. It was almost distracting--her completely voluptuous body and her painfully annoying voice. She looked and acted like a godess, minus the voice. I did learn a few good facts about Florida, however.

For lunch, the boys and I had turned to a local-looking Florida cafe, a sign protruding out of the large white building that read Florida Coffee And Sweets. It was obscured by a tree branch and the cafe seemed to be hidden in the corner of a boulevard, but we had managed to find it, already lured inside by a delightful smelling aroma of coffee lingering on the inside. After the quick break (which included Zac, Jeremy, and Josh eating down every bread sample and large portions of pastries), we finished the day off watching a nearby fireworks show. It was fortunate that we stumbled upon it, for the lights and view of the chemical reactions in the air were shockingly beautiful. We were standing ridiculously close to the machines that released the fireworks in the air, and as the sparkle and shine exploded in the sky, it seemed as if they were raining down and ready to come hit us. Of course they didn't hit us, thank goodness, and there was nothing but the neon glow against the Florida night and a bunch of smiling faces watching the show.

"I'm beat," Jeremy exclaimed, yawning, as he hauled himself into his hotel room.
"Me too," Zac agreed, closing his door.
It really was only 10 PM, and I wasn't sleepy at all. And by the looks of it, Josh wasn't either. "I guess we're alone now," Josh sighed, yet there was a grateful tone accompanied with his voice. He led me down the hotel hallway with his fingers wrapped gently around my wrist. "Come on, we aren't staying here."

I found myself walking along a beach, hand in hand with Josh. I felt the soft waves kiss my feet and return to the ocean, swaying rhythmically, and the sand tickle my toes. It was very calming, with the night sky hanging right above us and a few stray stars and the crescent moon giving off an almost unnatural silver glow on the sand. I took a breath. "Great, huh?" Josh asked. I nodded in agreement. "I love it."
He wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me near, as the waves continued to sing as the background. He and I laid against the beach sand, silent and peaceful, no tourists around at this late hour. "I love you Hayley," he whispered, arms still wrapped around me, with them a sense of protection that even I couldn't really describe. "I do, too," I whispered, completely warm and secure. He kissed my forehead softly, and then my nose, my cheek, and finally, my lips. A drop of rain fell from the night sky. I never saw it coming. It was startling, as the first drop hit the side of my cheek with a force I didn't think was possible with water, and I was forced to stare up into the bleak, empty sky. I could make out a light chuckle that came from Josh's throat, and as I turned back to him, he hungrily pressed his lips against mine. Why did his kisses never get old? It was soft and firm, not too rough, and I wanted it to last forever. Nothing quite so easily described. And the best part? It was raining. I was completely dazed.

When he finally pulled away, Josh smirked. I probably looked idiotic, just dazzled from everything, head still spinning after the mixture of rain and his lips. "How was that?" He asked with a smug lilt to his already beautiful voice, the rain soaking us wet. "I think we should get back to the hotel, then I'll tell you," I replied.

Josh was already tucked in bed way before I was, as I dried my hair inside the hotel with the nice white towels. As I emerged from the bathroom, he was sitting there, the bedside lamp the only light turned on in the room. The kiss of air conditioning brushed against my face, and I tried not to let the snarl of horomones consume me. All I wanted to do was just kiss him all night--but I needed to control myself before things went out of proportion. He smiled up at me as I laid myself next him. "You still haven't answered my question," Josh said.
"What question?"
"About the kiss."
"Right," I began. "I think you're a sexy beast."

Josh stared back at me in a complete mix of amusement and shock, which one he felt more, I didn't know. "I really do," I insisted. I couldn't make it out in the dim light--but I think a blush crept across his face. "Thanks?" He said. I punched him softly in the arm before settling into bed. I turned, my back facing him. "Aww, Hayles. Don't tell me you're not up for some cuddling." I turned towards Josh, and I immediately regretted doing so. He had his best puppy dog expression pasted on his face again, which he probably knew was my utter weakness. He had so much advantage with that look. Pressing my head into the crook of his neck, I tried to feign anger but it never came, and instead my voice came out like a giddy schoolgirl's. "Happy?" I asked. Josh placed his strong arms around my tiny body. "Very," he replied.

-----------------
TODAY IS JEREMY'S 24TH BDAY, YO.

My Heart CH.26

My Heart: A Joshayley Story CHAPTER 26

HAYLEY'S POV:
The week following the absence of Josh and our fight, I was sure I would have died of guilt for yelling at him like that. No, I should have died. The entire thing was threatening to swallow me whole--he was everything to me.
It was intense, the pressure between us during the following week. In science, he sat next to Jaelyn. After what she did to us? It was very unlike Josh to do that--but I couldn't bring myself to question him, for she seemed even better than me at the moment. They even talked.

During the fourth and fifth periods, Jaelyn and Josh were working together. By the end of the school day, she was with him, ready to walk home with him. I couldn't believe it. Did the two start going out before I even knew? It was strange and utterly pathetic to be following them home--it was stalking, really, but there was an inexplicable want inside of me that just craved to know what the two would be up to. And I needed to follow the two home, not merely to satisfy my curiosity--but more to save my sanity.
Did he find a retreat in Jaelyn? Or was he just trying to make me jealous? It was too hard to think and walk and feel the snarl of emotions threaten to consume me, because right when Josh and Jaelyn approached his house's front porch, she kissed him softly.
And there was something so gentle about it--it reminded me of the way he kissed me.

And it was enough to make my heart sink.

They really were going out, weren't they? Or was she helping him in making me jealous? If that was the case, he definitely did a wonderful job. I was jealous, and hurt. Before anyone could see that I was there, I ran toward my house, in a pace so brisk that it left my legs weak and aching as I arrived on the front steps.
Once I opened the door, I slammed it hard, so hard I'm sure I broke it, along with the house's foundation.
My mom ran downstairs with a horrified expression upon hearing the slammed door. "What in the world is wrong, Hayley?!" She yelled, with a tone only a concerned mother could pull off so well.
I sighed and shook my head--as if the gesture could shake all my thoughts together and make all of this make sense. "I'm sorry," I said, in a tone so barely audible that I questioned whether she heard it or not. What was I thinking? "It's Josh. He's just...ugh. I'm mad. Really mad. He's dating this girl, I think they're dating...I don't know. I'm so confused. I don't know what to think, what to feel. It's like--I just don't know. I just don't, mom."
My mom nodded. Then she smirked.
"What?" I asked her, irritated now. How could she think this was funny?
"I'm sure you two will eventually find each other again," she said, so surely, so completely surely that I didn't even bother hesitating to contradict it.
I shook my head, frowning. "Doubt it. This time he officially broke up with me. And started dating Jaelyn!"
"Who in the world is Jaelyn?" My mom asked.
"The devil's little helper," I mumbled.
My mom looked at me with an expression that made me immediately regret what I just said. "Why would you think of someone like that, Hayley? I raised you better," she exclaimed.
I nodded, defeated by mom's stare. "Okay, okay," I sighed, "I know. I really should forget about him anyways."
"Now wait a second," my mom replied quickly, "I never said forget about Josh. You never even apologized, Hayley. Settle it and be friends before you go. You said you were even unsure whether or not the two are dating! How do you know that you two are broken up for good?"
I sighed. My mouth was half open and ready to shoot something back at her--but my throat was constrained, and I lost the will to speak.
Mom always knew what was right. And she was right. Tomorrow for sure, I had to talk to Josh.

Something woke me up in the middle of the night.
There was something--and this time, it was a worse feeling than what I felt when those burglars came in to grab the stuff from my house.
And I was terrified.
I stirred in my bed before looking up--and I didn't miss what was towering above me. There, lurking right above my bed, was a large masked man that seemed hidden in the shadow.
Before I could gasp in terror, before I could even react--he grabbed my face and covered my mouth with enough force that I could hardly open my mouth. I definitely made an effort to, however, squirming and trying to squeal in his arms as he kept a strong grip against my body. I was virtually helpless, defenseless, and being kidnapped in the middle of the night against my own will.
My mother wasn't around. No one was around to help me.
My eyes shot frantically in all directions as he carried me across the house, soon covering my eyes swiftly with a blindfold. He threw me into the trunk of his car, that much I could tell. I hated being only 5' 2", right at that moment. I fit perfectly in the trunk, my small size no advantage. I let out an ear piercing scream just as the car's engine started, my mouth free from the man's hand--but there was no use.
Nobody would hear me now.
The car began to move, and I started to sweat nervously. I felt the strain in my neck as the car's tight space threatened to close in on me. My nerves were strung and alive like live wires.
My forehead continued to be glazed in sweat.
The blindfold felt like a tight, neverending tug against my eyes, surely leaving some marks once they were taken off.
Thankfully, it wasn't very long until the car halted to a stop.

I heard the car's trunk open and the man carry me again. For a kidnapper, he handled my body with a very gentle, almost caring carress. Yet this did not calm me at all--I was still being kidnapped and could be left for dead.
I was carefully placed on a grass-like surface, and the man untied the blindfold. I glanced around and realized we were in the park, hidden behind the trees. These precious seconds could be the difference between life and death. My conscience reacted quickly--I was able to see, and able to run. I squirmed against the grass and tried to heave myself up before this man could do anything to me.
But he reacted as well--so quickly, lashing out to go grab my wrists and restrain me. "Hayley! Hush!" He whispered.
The figure removed his mask and planted a kiss on my lips before I could run away. His tongue begged for entrance, and I opened my mouth to let him do so. The familiarity was there. The voice was there.
I really needed this right now, even if we were in the middle of a somewhat-break up. When he finally pulled away, I frowned and my eyes narrowed at the sight of him.
"What in the world were you thinking, Josh?" I said, a bit too loud for what was probably 2 AM in the morning.
"I don't know, I needed to talk to you, and I needed you back. Our fights don't last very long, you know," Josh shrugged the event off as if it was no problem at all--like nothing had happened in the last few minutes.
I rolled my eyes, utterly disbelieving. Despite the fear that dissolved into empty void, I was still adrenaline filled after all that alacritic rush, and I was in no mood to joke around. "But what about Jaelyn? Why would you go out with her again?"
I could see him blush, even the dark couldn't drown that out. "I was...well," he stuttered before finally coming out with it. "I was trying to get you jealous."
I scoffed at him smugly. "I knew it," I said quietly. "I did."
We paused there for quite a while before Josh started to talk again. "You never even let me explain," he said.
There was a point in his words--a point that hit me only now with unfathomable force. I shook my head and angled my head in such a way that I was sure to avoid his eyes.
"Can I explain though?" He asked.
I leaned into him and wrapped both arms around his body--holding him there and hoping this gesture would tell him that I was no longer angry. I left my head against his shoulder. "Explain," I said, listening.

It turns out I was stupid for everything. I shouldn't have let this drama boil between us. I'm overly stubborn and too hard headed when it comes to explanations. I couldn't believe I just yelled at Josh without even having good reason. I didn't even know the whole side of the story. Going on without explanation was such a horrid mistake--one I hoped I'd never make again with Josh.

"Hello?" Jeremy answered.
"Hey Jeremy, it's Hayles," I answered meekly.
Jeremy sighed. "I thought the band was over with already," he began, "I mean honestly, we haven't practiced together in a week. And Zac told me all about the drama that was going on between you and Josh."
"Yeah, yeah, I know," I replied, guilty as charged, "but I never let him explain to me. I was stubborn and stupid, Jerm, and I really wanted to get this band back in shape. That's why during our two week break from school...I'm taking you guys to Florida."
"Florida?" Jeremy asked, hit with the surprise that I hoped.
"Yeah, Florida," I repeated.
"Right. Sure, Hayles, nice joke," Jeremy replied, still skeptical.
I groaned, amused how he wouldn't take this seriously. I couldn't blame him though--the offer was so blatant and unexpected. I would have reacted the same way, I guess. "Okay, I guess I'll just take Zac then if you don't want to go."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I never said I didn't want to go. You're serious about this?" Jeremy asked.
"I think I made that clear earlier," I said with a laugh.
"No way, Hayley! I'm so in on this."
"Okay, Jeremy," I replied, "And I'm sorry for forgetting about the band because of Josh and my stupid little fight. You will not believe what he did just to talk to me."
"What did he do?" Jeremy asked eagerly.
"I'll tell you when we all meet up at Josh's...say...six-ish? Zac ought to know, too."
"Okay, Hayley. See you then."

Zac and Jeremy let out a roaring laughter only they as a duo could posses. "You put her in your trunk?" They asked, faces red, eyes nearly stinging with tears as they restrained laughter. And there was nothing that was able to supress my laughter, either. The two and their hilarity and enthusiasm were contagious. "And I fit perfectly!" I added.
Josh tried to smile, but it was faltering, and he was blushing like mad. "It was the only way, okay?" He replied.
Zac and Jeremy poked at him and started teasing him about the whole kidnapping ordeal once more. "I cannot wait until mom hears this," Zac said. Josh's entire face turned bright red, and he forced a smile. "Dude, don't tell mom," he pleaded. "Let me think..." Zac began, one finger on his chin, "No."
Josh glared back at him nastily, but Zac did not give in. "I'm still telling mom," he said.

-------------
That was a pretty short chapter. Hope you enjoyed! I dislike drama, but you all know it had to be done. At least it's all over now, right? :-) Thanks to everyone who read Shattered and is still reading My Heart. I can't believe you guys have stayed with my fics for this long. I appreciate you all very much and really wish I could give you all a hug!

My Heart CH.25

My Heart: A Joshayley Story
CHAPTER 25

HAYLEY'S POV:
As school was coming to a close, I thought we would go somewhere for another live show, out of Tennessee during the summer. But for now the final tests were coming, and I was stressing way too much. If this band thing didn't work out, I needed a Plan B. The more I thought of it, the more I doubted our band. We didn't even have a band name yet. We did some live shows without even saying our band name. That's when I knew we needed one, and fast. I called another band meeting.

"Can we go back to Hot Wheels?" Zac asked, hopeful.

Josh groaned and looked over at his brother. "I thought we settled this already."

The answer set Zac's expression into a deep-set frown, well, more a pout, really. "Come on!!"

I only laughed as the two shot back and fourth at each other with words. "Stop it, you guys," I finally said.

"So Hayley, you haven't pitched in any ideas at all lately. Got any?" Josh asked. Everyone turned their heads toward me. It was strangely awkward, and there was a pause. "Well, since you put me on the spot," I began, "I was thinking....maybe...no, it's stupid."

"Come on, Hayles! There isn't a right or wrong answer in this one," Josh assured me.

"Okay...well..." I started pausing again but the curious look in all their faces had begged me to go on. "I was thinking...Paramore."

The rest of the band turned towards each other in some silent conversation that they seemed to only understand. There was some kind of compromise being worked out, and based on the looks on their faces, they were considering the idea. "It's not bad. I actually like it," Zac said, nodding.

"Yeah, how did you think of it, Hayles?" Josh asked.

"It means secret lover...well, the homonym, that is. I just changed up the spelling to P-A-R-A-M-O-R-E. And it's from one of my old friend's maiden names. I just thought it sounded cool."


The rest of the band had adopted the name and soon we became so used to it that it was official. It became more comfortable introducing the band as Paramore on our local shows. We usually did one live show every week or two, and continued writing songs. The other half of the time I was studying hard for our final exams. If I didn't pass, I would kill myself. Okay, so not that drastic, but still, I really think I'd explode. The more I stressed, the more I felt myself drift from our band. Each rehearsal I'd have my head stuck in a book sometimes. The guys would have to snap me back into reality and out of study-world. I couldn't believe myself. I'd blow Josh off sometimes just to study harder. I wasn't making much progress with my personal relationship with him. I couldn't blame him if he started to hate me. I hated myself right now, completely stressed about finals and tests. If I wanted to patch things up, this might be the right time to.

"Hayles?" Josh answered on the other line.
"Josh...I miss you."
"Yeah...I've been missing you, um, the past two weeks. You've been super busy." Josh stressed the word busy, saying it in a way that made me feel shame for lying to him for the tests.
"You want to go out tonight?" I offered.
"Nah...I'm busy studying," Josh replied honestly.
Ironic, I thought to myself. "You think I can study with you?" I asked.
Josh laughed softly and agreed. "See you here, then."

I appeared at his doorway only minutes after the conversation with a pile load of books. "Hey," I greeted, as Josh opened the door with a bright grin, a grin so happy that I was almost sad to see it go. "I think we need to catch up on more than the studying. Sorry I haven't been," I sighed to myself, "Josh, I'm sorry I was blowing you off every time you offered to go out. It's just I'm freaked over these tests. I don't know if we will pass. I mean it's not like I don't want to do music for a living, because I do, but what if we don't make it so well in the music industry? I'm stressing over a plan B, so to speak."
In a gentleman like manner, Josh took the books out of my arms and led me inside. I rubbed the temples of my forehead gently and sighed again. "I really need some tea right now."

Josh handed me my tea and sat down next to me in the living room. I smiled up at him as he handed me the cup, feeling completely undeserving for a person who cared so much; too much. "Thanks," I said, sipping, wishing I could give him more than words. Almost as quickly as I had gulped the tea down, I spit it out and blew it all over his shirt. Josh just laughed and shrugged it off. "Sorry, forgot to tell you it was hot." I got up and began trying to help him. My efforts weren't working out so well, when all I had were my hands. "Don't worry Hayley," he said, grabbing my fretting hands off of his shirt, "it's okay. I've got another shirt in the laundry room."
He rushed over somewhere and was back out in the living room with another shirt. As he lifted it over his head, my damn hormones started kicking in. Although it should have been so easy to watch him now, his bare chest exposed, considering how completely comfortable we were around each other, I found myself being unable to breathe. Dear Lord, I was fucking hyperventilating.
"Umm..Hayley?" He asked, his face confused.
I entered back into reality and gaped at him for a while. "Huh?"
"You ready to study?" He asked with a laugh, realizing what was going on. I sighed. The embarrassment sent a flush of red into my cheeks.
"Yes," I squeaked, sitting next to him.
It didn't take too long for us to stop focusing on studying and start pitching ideas for songs. We had a manuscript paper in front of us and I started writing lyrics. I had already let my feelings about Josh write the song out for me. It only took thirty minutes to produce my own melodic lyrics for it. I entitled it Brighter, and showed it to Josh. As he read over it, I could tell he had already started making little guitar melodies in his own head. He faced me, looking impressed.
"I love it," he said. "As usual."
I smiled and laughed. "It was really for you."
The corners of Josh's mouth pulled up into a wide grin. "Aaww. Thanks Hayles," he said as he wrapped one arm around me.
I smiled at the intimate moment. It felt good to be in Josh's arms again.
He leaned in and kissed me softly. Once he had pulled away, I grabbed the thread of his shirt and pulled him in, kissing him madly. Good the dude didn't fight back, and I found myself being lied down into the carpet as we shared a much needed kiss.

JAELYN'S POV:
I felt like such a stupid idiot for standing outside Josh's wide open window. But what I saw hurt the most. It's not like I didn't see it before, but Hayley and Josh were smack in the middle of a make out session. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to act. I hated Hayley Williams with a passion. I couldn't bear this whole going out thing anymore, I really just could not let him go.
It was a warm and breezy Saturday night when my plan went into action. I left a pile of roses in front of Hayley's doorstep, with a card attached to them.

HAYLEY'S POV:
There was a knock.

I looked up from my books, startled. I cracked the door open to look around for who it was, but there was no one in sight. At my feet though, was a pile of red roses. I smiled as I grabbed for them. Attached was a white card, with 'To: Hayley' written on it. I carefully held the roses in my arms as I tried to open the card.

Hey Hayles,
Meet me at my house tonight.

Love,
Joshie

I grinned and put the roses in one of mom's unused vases before I slipped on a jacket and some Vans. I sprinted towards Josh's house in such a pace that left my legs aching, but wasn't ready for what I saw.

There was Jaelyn, sprawled across Josh's lap, stroking his hair. He looked like he was fighting back, trying to push her off him, but then her lips landed on his, and he didn't pull away. Well, I wouldn't know, because I started to cry. I started to cry so hard it felt like my eyes would blast out of my face. Jaelyn then pulled away and Josh turned towards the window, watching me watch them both. A wave of shock and pain washed over his face as he watched me cry, but I couldn't take it any longer. Jaelyn just smirked. I ran away quickly before he could call after me, locked the door and fell against it, burying my face in my hands.

My phone had constantly rung throughout the night, so much so that I had ended up turning it off. By the morning, I had 48 missed calls, and they all came from Josh. No matter how much I wanted to reply, I couldn't. Jaelyn was involved though, no doubt there was something she had done. He obviously hated her. But why let her into his house? I started to cry as I thought about that night again, such a crisp memory recalling in my brain. I couldn't decide if it was right to talk to him or not. I bottled up all my feelings at once. He knocked constantly on my door that morning, but I begged my mom not to let him in. Although a look of questioning had fallen upon my mother's face, she did not bother to ask me about my decision, and I didn't expect her to. She turned Josh away and his attempts at making contact with me.

It was late night while I sat in front of the television. I was trying to focus on South Park and not my ever recurrent memories, but I couldn't forget. It was all too fresh to forget. Josh knocked again. "Ugh!" I groaned aloud. "Hayley! Let me explain!" He cried from the outside. I rolled my eyes. No chance that was happening. "Hayles I've been knocking since this morning and I swear I won't leave until you open the damn door. Please let me explain!"
I tried to drown out all his knocking my grabbing my Ipod and blasting the music, but somehow his knocking overpowered even my loudest tunes. "Leave me alone, Josh!" I hollered at the door. "Not until you let me talk to you!" He shot back. I groaned in annoyance again. "Josh, you are extremely messed up. Can't you understand English?!" I yelled. "Leave. Me. Alone!"
The knocking had finally stopped, but Monday morning Josh's body was slumped against my door. It was definitely surprised when I noticed his haphazard body shlump into my house as I opened up the door that morning. "What the..." I began. "Josh!" I screamed.
His eyes opened and looked up at me. "Get out!"
He stood up on his feet. "Hayley please," he started.
I rolled my eyes at him. "Stop begging. I'm not ready for your damn explanation."
"Hayley..." he tried to say.
"Don't Hayley me. Just go! Now! If you really cared about me you'd leave me alone, Josh!" I almost cried, I didn't mean what I said, but it's what came out.
He nodded slowly in defeat and started to walk away. The choked up guilt had crept to my throat and I felt as if it was trying to suffocate me. What did I do. The pride swallowed me whole, didn't it?
What perfection was there in pride?
That next school week, Josh didn't show up once.