My Heart CH.20

My Heart: A Joshayley Story
CHAPTER 20

Get ready for some drama.
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JOSH'S POV:
Hayley showed up for school the next day, looking sober, her hair a tangled mess and her face sullen and creased. I didn't know exactly what to say or how to approach the entire thing. Zac wasn't helping and had no advice for me, which was a surprise.
I greeted her gently, cautiously. "You don't have to do that," she replied. Did she not like that approach? "I'm not going to let the situation change me into some depressed person. That would be a pathetic way to live."
I nodded.
"And anyways, it's my dad's fault, not my mom's. He was cheating on her with some other woman," she continued, "and I'm not supposed to be tangled up in all this. I'll hurt myself more."
She scrunched her nose at the thought, and shoved it away. "Let's just get to class."
She grabbed my hand with force, and tightened her grip. Uncomfortable, but I was glad she was ready to let everything go. Science was a lecture on genetics, but I couldn't keep my focus. There was a bit of tension in Hayley, something she wasn't letting out. Her head was caught on something else, something other than science, because every time she was called Hayley didn't know the exact answer and came off as confused. But I wouldn't ask her any questions, in time I would, but I needed to just keep it in and ask at the right time, where she was comfortable and not too angry.

I guess I let my curiosity get the best of me, because at lunch I asked her things. Well, tried to ask that is. Some of my friends drowned her in questions. Mostly about our relationship, but some of why she didn't show up. Hayley answered as calmly as she could, when I knew she was too stressed. "So what do you and Josh do after school?" Luke asked, attempting to make small talk. "We hang out. It's really typical," Hayley replied, voice montone. I figured Luke would kind of know that already. After school, when we were both finally alone, I asked her if there was something wrong.
"Nope," Hayley said. I raised an eyebrow. "Nothing? Everything is fine now?" She simply nodded. I was anticipating a better answer, a better response, but I didn't get one. "Nothing is wrong, Josh. Unless you know something I don't."
"Nope," I said, repeating her answer. She shrugged. "Okay, then. I'll just hang out with you after school, we can do homework or something." Hayley flashed me a short grin, one that didn't have much happiness in it. Her face seemed too sad, where was the energy I always looked forward to? That big gap toothed grin that knocked me off my feet?
"I'm tired," Hayley said with a yawn, snapping me out of my short reverie. "Let's just go to your house, Hayles. You need some rest."
"But Josh...I'm fine, okay? Please don't worry about me too much. I swear I'm fine. Yeah, let's, um...go to my house."

Hayley and I entered her bedroom. She threw her backpack on the bed and laid her head back against a pillow, letting out a long yawn.
"Someone is sleepy," I began, laying next to her, attempting to lighten the mood. I brushed the side of her face softly with my thumb. "You rest, Hayles," I said.
Her eyes closed as I lightly traced the outline of her jaw.
"That tickles," she whispered, smiling up at me, eyes closed. I smiled back.
"I hate school," I mentioned. Hayley giggled. "I want to quit. I think I'd like to join your band now."
Her eyes opened, looking up at me. "I want to sing again."
"Then sing," I began, "do what you love. I'd like to do that with you. We can go back to writing songs, and maybe playing our own live shows? It hasn't been long since you've sang." There was a beautiful sparkle in her eyes. "Let's do it. I really do want to sing again."
Hayley giggled again, this time her voice filled with true happiness. The real Hayley showed through. I leaned in to kiss her, and she closed her eyes and let me.

Two weeks later, I found myself digging through laundry on a Saturday morning. I couldn't find a pair of pants I was looking for. I was supposed to be at our practice building with Zac and Hayley by now, but I couldn't find a pair of stupid jeans. Hayley was on a roll, she had written so many songs with me, we could have made an album by then. It was amazing. Her spunk was back, and her bold charisma was back too. It was as if life was all fine, and her mom was doing well also. But Jaelyn--she constantly called Hayley's mother incredibly hurtful things. I remember one conversation the two had. Jaelyn heard about what happened, of course, and told Hayley she was sorry for her mother because "nobody wanted her". This pissed Hayley off, of course, but she didn't do anything and kept her cool. Jaelyn laughed along, acting like all of it was a joke, being the more mature one that she was. I couldn't take that Jaelyn. I sighed and the thought faded, as I realized that I was going to be late for practice if I didn't find those damn jeans.
I shook the clothing around me, and a protruding white piece of paper caught my eye. It was tiny, with a note that read:

Hey, I miss you. I'll be getting away from my kids soon to see you, okay?

The note was scribbled in my mom's handwriting, I would recognize it anywhere, and she signed her name at the bottom of the note. It was even sticking out of her pants in the first place. I was incredibly skeptical at first, wondering what this had meant. I thought back to all the times my when my mom didn't show up at all. What did this particular piece of paper mean? Was she cheating on my dad? I pocketed the note in a pair of jeans I finally found, but practice was a mess. Well, more specifically, I was a mess. Zac wasn't the only one who noticed. "Is something wrong, Josh?" Hayley asked me. I shook my head. "N-no."
She crossed her arms, knowing me too well to fall for my lies. "There's something wrong. I know when you hide your feelings Josh."

"No, nothing. Really," I said, trying my best to sound normal. She was right, I was hiding my feelings. But I couldn't let her know this.

Hayley scratched the back of her head. "Mm-hmm."

I stared back at her with puppy dog eyes, pouting. "Please believe me?"

Hayley's shoulders dropped and she frowned. "Alright, alright! I hate it when you do the pout look, you know. You have no clue what it does to people...especially me."

Zac laughed. "You guys are so strange together. But it's a good strange," he said. Hayley smiled back. "Thanks, and I know."

Christmas Eve came, and without a doubt I had a gift for my girlfriend. Why wouldn't I? Having her was enough, I needed to show her.
I asked around the neighborhood, asking what would be the perfect gift for a special lady. In the end I decided dressing up as Santa for her, with a bouquet of flowers, and though cheesy was written all over that, I knew she'd appreciate it.

I knocked on her door around 9 AM. When Hayley opened it, she was in her cute pajamas with messy hair, completely oblivious to what I was going to do. "I really want to sleep in today," she said, irritation in her tone. I sighed, perking up. "It's almost Christmas!! I want to take you out for breakfast."
Hayley groaned.
"Come on! We can do anything you want," I said, smiling with the widest one I could. She just gave me a pout. I grabbed her chin and tilted it up. "Smile for me! Please?" Hayley paused and began to laugh. "There it is! The precious Hayley smile!" I cooed. She smiled fully, her face glowing. "Okay, I'll let you take me out."

HAYLEY'S POV:
I dug into my pancakes as Josh still stared at the menu. Typical Josh. "Going to order yet or should I do it for you?" I asked, joking with him. "Everything just looks so good," he said. "I know. But the pancakes are usually the best," I replied, taking another bite. "Make up your mind, because once I'm done, I won't be waiting up for you anymore."
"That's ridiculous. You would wait up for me." I shook my head to prove him wrong. "I won't. Now come on! Order up, hotcakes." Josh dropped the menu and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Hotcakes?"
I giggled. "Just some girl talk...and to get you to order the hotcakes...'cause I kind of want more."
Josh flashed a gorgeous smile and sighed. "Maybe I will. I guess I have no other choice, anyways." I always had control over him, interestingly.
After breakfast, we walked together, hand in hand, around a large mall in Nashville. Josh took his car along, so today we could go wherever. "Hayles, buy what you want," he exclaimed. I stared back at him with utter shock. "What?"
"Yeah, buy whatever. I've just gotten my allowance. Well, saved it up, at least. I've got five hundred stored up...and I decided to treat you like a real guy should."

"I don't need money for someone to tell me they care," I replied firmly. "And you know, I already know you care. So you should use your own money. For yourself."

"You sure?" Josh asked.

"I'm sure. I won't buy anything."

I was wrong. And I felt so stupid. But we had entered five stores and I spent about fifty dollars on bargain items and a good twenty bucks on make up. I felt so bad, but Josh continually told me that it was okay and he didn't care. I didn't buy it, but he seemed so confident when he said that I had to trust him, so I did.

Around eleven at night, I was sitting alone at home and trying to organize the packages I got from family members. They gave me wonderful things, treasures of all kinds, but I guess my favorite was from dad, who knew what I wanted. I guess over time I forgot about everything, never forgiving him, but not hating him. He was my dad, anyways.
I was surprised he even remembered me, especially during Christmas, but I appreciated the thought. At least he didn't completely forget me...even after what he did. And he never even said why he left. He just..did. But enough about that, I needed not to dwell on the past thoughts and events.
There was a knock on my door. "Be right ther-" I said, but paused when I opened the door. What was behind it surprised me.
"Josh?"
Santa Clause frowned. "You weren't supposed to know!" He exclaimed. I laughed aloud. "What is this?"
Josh stepped inside, pulling out a bouquet of roses. "This is your Christmas gift. Early one, that is." His face flushed red, and he became fully rosy cheeked like Santa. I hugged him, burying my face into his beard. "I love my gift!" I exclaimed. I really did. "Come on outside," he said, taking my hand. "Wait..." he began. It was very windy outside. The clouds were dark, and there was a flash of thunder, from out of nowhere.
"Perfect," Josh said, happy about it.
"Why out here?" I asked.
"Because I wanted to do this."

Josh pulled off his Santa beard and gently placed his lips on mine. A drop of rain fell, and then another and another. I pulled away when the rain became heavier. "Can't we go inside?" I asked him.
He placed his lips on mine again. A smile was forming on my lips, but I closed my eyes as I kissed back. I felt his hands against my back, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, intertwining a hand in his hair. I moaned as his tongue ran along mine.
We pulled away for some air, soaking wet in the now pouring rain. "Thanks for the gift," I whispered. "Wait! It's not over yet!" He said, running towards my house. I stayed fix at my spot and watched him.

He took a two wires and connected them. In a matter of seconds my house became glowing, luminous and lit up with a dozen colors hanging from the roof, which I had never noticed because Josh had distracted me when we got back to my house. "I asked your mom to set it up while you were gone. Surprise!"
I ran into his arms, looking over my whole house. It really was a sight. Digging my head into his chest, we stood in the pouring rain looking over it with some wave of contentment in me that I couldn't explain. It really was the holidays now, and I had my own Santa to prove it.

JOSH'S POV:
I walked into school right after an awesome winter break. I spent it with Hayley, of course, writing songs and going on occasional dates. It really was amazing, because I thought we were at the golden age of our relationship. Well, it was at the point where we were so close it felt like she was my sister. And my mom and dad love her. Our parents got closer, and it seemed like there was nothing wrong.

Nothing...until the last week of January.

I approached Hayley as I walked into the school, greeting her normally, but she ignored me without a word. "Hello?" I repeated. She didn't respond and began to walk faster. "Hayles?" "Just leave me alone," she said.
"What?"
"I said leave me alone," she replied, with a firmer, harsher tone.
It quickly dawned on me that this was no joke at all. "What's wrong?" I asked. She entered our science class and talked to Ms. Wells as we took our seats. Ms. Wells nodded as Hayley explaining something.

Ms. Wells approached me. "Josh, can you move down to sit by Jaelyn?" I shot back a confused look, raising an eyebrow. "Why?"
"Hayley doesn't feel comfortable sitting next to you today." I looked back at Hayley, who stood in the front of the classroom with a hesitant, tense look on her face, having on that same angry mask that I hated.
I hesitated before answering. "Okay." I made my way towards the front and took a seat next to the girl I despised the most. She shuffled in her seat uncomfortably before staying completely still.

Hayley brushed by past me carefully, taking her seat. I scratched the back of my head, as I sat, tense, thinking what could have possibly gone wrong. Jaelyn's impossibly loud chewing of gum made the goal of thinking a bit hard to achieve. She was looking over her nails and her cell phone at the same time, texting under the table. Every now and then she'd laugh at something someone texted her. I, on the other hand, would turn my head and look at Hayley, but she was always looking up at the teacher or pretending to be looking out the window, avoiding my gaze. What could I have done to her?

After science I got out of my chair as quickly as possible and approached Hayley before her little feet would be able to scurry away. "I need you to tell me what's wrong."

She avoided the stare I gave her and made her way around me, promptly getting out of the class. "Please tell me what I did," I called, trying to keep pace with her. There was nothing stopping me from getting the answers. But stubborn Hayley ignored me, her tiny body simply sliding gracefully across the school floor, walking quicker than I was at the moment. "Hayley!" I yelled, finally grabbing her wrist. She lifted one of her free hands up and pulled my grip off. "Josh," her eyes had finally made contact with mine and it nearly took my breath away, "I told you to please leave me alone." Her voice was covered with such a thick edge of annoyance and ice that it made me shudder internally. Never in my entire life did I feel so hurt. Hayley was the first to strike me with such impact that I was believing this girl had more power over me than I thought.

My mind drifted back to previous times with her, but nothing that I did wrong came to mind. Why was she avoiding me? Everything was perfect...or at least that's how it felt. Were there some hidden feelings on Hayley's part?

Jaelyn took my hand in hers, the unexpected contact making me jump, as Hayley disappeared from sight. "If it doesn't work out, call me," she batted her long eyelashes at me. I looked back at her, disgusted, and pulled my hand out of hers in one swift movement. I ignored the other eyes in the hallway that stared at the event that unfolded, whispers coming from left and right.

I confronted Hayley after school. Before she could run away from me any further, I followed her to her home and I pounded hard on her door. The entire walk there she did nothing but run and avoid my questions.
"Hayley!" I yelled. "I'm not leaving! Please talk to me!"
My hand went numb after the twentieth knock. It felt as if I had been knocking forever. "Hayley, please..." I began, exhausted, knocking once more. "Please talk to me," I begged. With another chaste knock I let out the supressed yell inside of me. "Hayley!"

I listened intently for the sign of movement on the inside, and finally I heard the lock turn open with a hasty click.
She stood there with a horrid expression, one that made the muscles in my body tense and go frozen, staring me down in the most icy glare I'd ever seen from her. "Go away," she said. "I mean it. Go. And leave us alone." Though I would have questioned why she used the plural "us" instead of "me", I supressed the question and didn't dare turn away, despite her wishes. "I'm not going until you tell me what's wrong. What my fault is. The...the bullshit you've been giving me at school has been driving me insane. Hayley. Please," I said, pleading, "I'm going to get down on my knees."

That's precisely what I did, looking pathetic, undeniably, staring up at her with that puppy dog look I knew would win her over.
"I don't know what to say anymore, Hayles."
She looked down at me with a firm face, not much emotion showing through, apathetic. "You should stop pretending like you don't know anything--"
"But I fucking don't!" I interrupted, though guiltily.

She cut me off almost as quickly as I interrupted her, placing one finger on my chest. "If you really cared about me you'd stop seeing me, Josh. Stop coming to my house and leave us the fuck alone. You know exactly what happened to us and I'm not falling for this pity act to try and save our relationship." She inhaled deeply, angrily, her eyes shutting closed. She seemed to want to calm herself down, and there were only seconds of quiet before she looked back at me again with her opaque eyes. "And one last thing," she began. "Your mother? She's a whore."

Her words, seething with acid, broke me down inch by inch. And after that she slammed the door in my face. I didn't know what to feel at that moment. I was frozen there, in my kneeling position, her words began registering in my head and left a stinging sensation down my throat and pool of burn in my stomach. I didn't say anything back to her after that. I only ran towards my home, intoxicated with nausea from the recent events, and threw up on my doorstep.

HAYLEY'S POV:
I couldn't understand, couldn't comprehend, what I had just done.
I had slammed the door in the face of someone I held near to me. Someone who was dear to me. I didn't need to fight this for my mom, it wasn't my problem...but I felt I had to. I remembered when I first became skeptical of the whole thing, because a random hotel person kept calling asking for the reservation dad made for him and a Ms. Farro. I brushed away the thought, telling myself there were many women with 'Farro' as a last name, though I didn't believe what I said no matter how convincing it was.

It wasn't until it was finally confirmed to me that my father really was seeing Josh's mom that I had finally broken apart. I thought I was over dad leaving, the closure was there and I had let it all go with ease...but the sudden revelation had the entire situation crashing over me once more, filling my head with anger that threatened to overwhelm me completely. I hid that thought from Josh for a long time...I didn't know what to think, that is, until now. That anger, that anger that burned deep inside my skull had finally convinced me that if the woman who broke my family apart was Josh's mother, than I had to do nothing more with him.

I leaned against the door and sunk down to the floor, burying my face in my hands, creating a pool of saltwater tears in my palms. How could I forgive Ms. Farro? She was responsible for ruining the family I thought would surive through anything. Who would have thought Josh's own mother was the woman my dad was cheating on my mother for? The hurt cut deep into my skin and I was at a loss on what to do. It seemed silly--leaving Josh for something that was not my fight. Which side would I choose? Which part of myself would I leave behind?

Josh...or my mother?
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Some drama huh? TWISTED IT UP! Decided I needed something, and this was all I could do. I am very sorry Josh's mom! If they ever happen to read this (it's close to impossible that will happen) I hope they aren't offended! SORRY AGAIN! Haha. So what did you think? TELL ME! Suggestions? TELL ME! :)